Am I right to be offended?

swingaloo

Im bemused as to why you would want your husband to 'push his food around his plate' for a while rather than put his knife and fork down to encourage the kids to finish their meal.


I could understand it if they were 4 and 6 but they are teenagers. Why would your husband have to pretend to like the meal?

missprice

If some one said something so mean about my cooking, I would not be cooking for them again.

I cook all the meals and anyone just has to say they are not keen and I wont cook that meal for them again.
OH hates cheese, so I cook cheese meals when he is away/out.
One kid hates pasta, so no pasta meals while they are around, etc

I may not put my head in my hands but still would not expect anyone to be so awful to me about what I have cooked.

There is no need to be saying vile words and in front of people/children too. Just later say I didn't much like that meal, please could you cook it just for you and child thanks.

Bennifred

If you are now behaving normally (just refusing to apologise for taking offense) and he is off sulking on top of swearing at you (AND infront of the children) - then he is seriously childish and also a bit of a bully.

Just at the moment, if I was you I wouldn't mention it again, nor would I respond if he brings it up.

Does he normally swear in family situations? That would be an issue for me - he's supposed to be modelling adult behaviour to the children, whatever his feelings about you putting your head in your hands.

dingdongsaving

Just reading through the comments it's clear there could be so many things at play here. How was his day? Was there any tiny niggling "feeling" or comments that meant the mood between you at dinner was already a bit "off"? etc. etc.

However, I would NEVER expect my husband (or ANYONE!) eating food that I'd taken the time to prepare for them to compare it to eating something in that way.

There are some things only you can know:
Do you often find yourselves speaking to yourselves in this way? Do you try to hit the nerve? If that's how you play off each other when the blood pressure increases then maybe him saying something really nasty here is ok by previous standards (if so, is your reaction at the table you realising you don't want it to continue?)...it's all these small details that only you can know.

In the OP it sounded as if this is was unexpected. Would he normally have said something along the lines of "I know you hate corned beef and it'd be like me giving you that. Sorry, I'll just make a sandwich but would rather not eat it again if you don't mind"...?

If this was a true 1 off I'd say 1 of you needs to be direct with the other to get it behind you. Maybe something along the lines of: "I can see we're still tense about the dinner incident. I'm sorry if you thought I overreacted & I hope you understand that I think you could have been more subtle...but bottom line is it was just chicken & rice so let's just draw a line under it and get back to normal." [Insert hug here]

EllanVannin

I've had a similar experience with my OH and can understand how it feels. I am also left to do all the cooking whilst holding down a full time job and can understand the OP's reaction. Head in hands was probably nothing more than a bit of frustration or exasperation. However I really don't think that it warrants an argument.

It can be tiresome being relied on to cook all the time especially if you have had a long or bad day at work and it hurts when someone is ungrateful especially when said person has made no effort himself to prepare the meal and in this time of austerity it can be disappointing to see the food go to waste.

But in the end it was one meal and one time, make something different next time or get OH to prepare something himself.

I feel that an apology is supposed to be a personal expression of remorse and not something to be demanded. There is no point in saying Sorry if you don't mean it. It will not make things better.

Guest101

MissOptimistic wrote: »

Hi everyone
The Hubby & I had an argument on Wednesday night which has reared its ugly head again this evening & so whilst it may seem petty, Hubby is insisting I am in the wrong because I misunderstood the situation & is aggrieved because I wont admit I'm wrong. For clarification, I am not wanting to say either one of us is right or wrong, I am just standing by my viewpoint that it is my prerogative to be offended & no one can tell me I am wrong to be offended (if that makes sense?)
Basically I cooked a tea of Mexican chicken (made with chicken breast, red onion, red & yellow peppers & mushrooms) served with Uncle Bens mexican rice & garlic bread. About half way through the meal, hubby downed his knife & fork & said, sorry but I don't like this. I put my head in my hands which perhaps I shouldn't have done & was annoyed because at that point, both my DS, who rarely eat veg of any description) put both their forks down seeing it as the green light to both leave their tea. I could understand DH not liking his tea, but just wished he had not said so in front of the kids, or pushed it around his plate a bit until the kids had nearly finished (which they would have done if he hadn't said anything).
Because my head was in my hands, DH then said "well, if I served you up with a plate of sh*t, I wouldn't expect you to like it"
I was really offended at this comment since I cook all our meals, had been at work all day & taken the time to prepare a proper meal from scratch, but he is still insisting, that I am at fault because I 'misinterpreted' his comment. He said the 'sh*t' comment wasn't a direct comparison to the meal at all, just reference to me eating something I wouldn't like.
Am I right to be offended, or just really oversensitive?

Think he over reacted badly, think ur reaction wasn't great either.

Certainly, he initiated it and owes u an apology, and think u two need to talk, because behaviour and language in front of the kids isn't on.

As far as his comment goes, equal chance he meant it the way he says

DaveTheMus

MissOptimistic wrote: »

Hi everyone
The Hubby & I had an argument on Wednesday night which has reared its ugly head again this evening & so whilst it may seem petty, Hubby is insisting I am in the wrong because I misunderstood the situation & is aggrieved because I wont admit I'm wrong. For clarification, I am not wanting to say either one of us is right or wrong, I am just standing by my viewpoint that it is my prerogative to be offended & no one can tell me I am wrong to be offended (if that makes sense?)
Basically I cooked a tea of Mexican chicken (made with chicken breast, red onion, red & yellow peppers & mushrooms) served with Uncle Bens mexican rice & garlic bread. About half way through the meal, hubby downed his knife & fork & said, sorry but I don't like this. I put my head in my hands which perhaps I shouldn't have done & was annoyed because at that point, both my DS, who rarely eat veg of any description) put both their forks down seeing it as the green light to both leave their tea. I could understand DH not liking his tea, but just wished he had not said so in front of the kids, or pushed it around his plate a bit until the kids had nearly finished (which they would have done if he hadn't said anything).
Because my head was in my hands, DH then said "well, if I served you up with a plate of sh*t, I wouldn't expect you to like it"
I was really offended at this comment since I cook all our meals, had been at work all day & taken the time to prepare a proper meal from scratch, but he is still insisting, that I am at fault because I 'misinterpreted' his comment. He said the 'sh*t' comment wasn't a direct comparison to the meal at all, just reference to me eating something I wouldn't like.
Am I right to be offended, or just really oversensitive?

Being a husband myself, when I read on MSE things like this I always try and give the husband the benefit of the doubt.

This time I can't though. You're husband sounds like a real piece of work.

I would never speak to my wife like that.

bagpussbear

I would have been offended too, yes.

Sometimes I try different meals, and some go down better than others and if my hubby really didn't like something he'd be gentle and just say something along the lines of "ooh I'm not too sure about this one ..". Fair enough, and no offence taken.

And both my husband and son always say thank you, without fail.

It's a matter of being respectful to someone who has taken the time to feed you. Your hubby was tactless.

Are you speaking at all at the moment?

Homeownertobe

Not the issue but I'm hugely offended at the notion of someone calling processed nonsense (Mr Ben's) cooking from scratch.

If you had cooked from scratch then fair enough, be offended, but throwing some stuff in the microwave isn't cooking from scratch.

jollymummy

He could have definitely have put it more sensitively. I think if my hubby had said that particularly in front of the children, I would have been very miffed.