Am I being unreasonable? Teenager's untidy room

Loz01

Not to be rude OP, but you sounded like you were describing the attitude and room of someone who is 12 or 13, not 18!! Your daughter is an adult, why is she living in a room that bad?
And why should you have to spend 3 hours cleaning it if she's going to come back and just pile more rubbish back on it?
I sound old now :rotfl: but my Mum would NEVER have let me get away with this, especially at 18.

Bennifred

Lily-Rose wrote: »

All teenagers are the same, but I have to admit that is is maddening. I think you need to take the advice that some have given, that you just leave it or you clean it yourself.

You do need to keep letting her know that it's not acceptable though.

No they aren't!
This sort of behaviour (slovenliness) does not appear overnight. If children are brought up to tidy their rooms from a young age then it becomes an ingrained habit and the problem doesn't arise. Same thing with food and drink in bedrooms - I suggest water only in bedrooms would save a lot of aggravation, too.

ps I am not Loz01's mother, so it appears I'm not alone in my views!

splishsplash

Bennifred wrote: »

No they aren't!
This sort of behaviour (slovenliness) does not appear overnight. If children are brought up to tidy their rooms from a young age then it becomes an ingrained habit and the problem doesn't arise. Same thing with food and drink in bedrooms - I suggest water only in bedrooms would save a lot of aggravation, too.

ps I am not Loz01's mother, so it appears I'm not alone in my views!

I can't agree with the bit in bold. My kids were always taught to tidy as they went and never had food or drinks upstairs. This is something that has evolved as they've grown older.

I also think they go through phases - my elder child was untidy when she was younger, my middle child a bit of a neat freak but they seem to have swapped identities so now my elder is the one who likes things neat and the younger not so bothered.

I'm convinced it will even out as they go on and they'll eventually end up averagely clean and tidy... hopefully.

KxMx

I disagree too. My controlling father insisted on military style cleanliness and would often compare me as an 8/9/10 yo(to my detriment) to the mentally ill girls that he worked with. Just a toy or two out and a drawer and bit messy and he was off.

Mum taught me to help around the house, tidy after myself etc but was happy to leave me to my own devices in bedroom.

In my teens away from him I let things slide big time bedroom wise, but grew out of it after a few years!

Loz01

I am not (by the way) saying I live in a show home of any sort, but having plates and bowls and cutlery piled up just wasn't allowed when I was a teenager - whats more my mum certainly wouldnt have given up 3 hours to clean my room (and I wouldn't expect her to)
If you keep doing that, OP, she'll know that eventually good old Mum will give in and clean so she doesn't have to! I know you're reaching the limit and can't take the mess anymore but its a vicious cycle of:
you telling her off - her ignoring - you giving in and cleaning - her piling up rubbish... and repeat :rotfl:

YORKSHIRELASS

I have a bit of trouble with this whole idea of "its their personal space let them get on with it ". We spent a lot of money redecorating my youngest teenager's bedroom last year and bought him a new carpet and some new furniture. I want him to have his own space but I want him to respect our home and and look after the things that we have bought for him.

I can cope with a bit of mess but dirty clothes, half eaten food and dirty dishes are a no-no. When it gets too bad I will gently remind him that it needs tidying, but I dont expect it to be up to my standards.

And I love the idea of taking the door off - genius!

Kathy535

Loz01 wrote: »

I am not (by the way) saying I live in a show home of any sort, but having plates and bowls and cutlery piled up just wasn't allowed when I was a teenager - whats more my mum certainly wouldnt have given up 3 hours to clean my room (and I wouldn't expect her to)
If you keep doing that, OP, she'll know that eventually good old Mum will give in and clean so she doesn't have to! I know you're reaching the limit and can't take the mess anymore but its a vicious cycle of:
you telling her off - her ignoring - you giving in and cleaning - her piling up rubbish... and repeat :rotfl:

Point taken, though I was actually hoping that she'd be so appalled by the fact I'd been through her stuff that she'd keep it tidy. Actually, she was just really grateful, horrified by the spiders (!) and seemed very contrite, saying that she hadn't known were to start herself. In general she's a lovely, thoughtful, funny almost-adult, there aren't many teenagers who come downstairs to ask if you need any help and then happily wash up, Hoover, dust etc when asked. It's just the bedroom that's a blind spot. Ho hum.

2gorgeousgirls

My 14 yo is very untidy. During the week it is almost impossible to walk across the floor of her room.

I do ask her (nag really) during the week to tidy but it rarely happens. However, come Saturday, she either tidies or has her pocket money withheld (don't know what I'll do when she is no longer getting pocket money). She also knows she is not allowed to leave the house until it is done so if she wants to meet her friends she has to clean.

I must say that when she does clean, the room is spotless. However, it is amazing how quickly it returns to a bombsite.

Now and again she will surprise me and do a midweek clean as well. I'm hoping as she gets older she will changed.

victory

We have 'sunday jobs' dusting, hoovering, cleaning on a sunday so if they have not done their rooms during the week, so be it, they have even more to do on a sunday which is not up for negotiation, they can slob all they like but sunday is a clean room day, it takes longer if they have left it which they are learning;)

System

My room was once an absolute state

Until the day my mum pretty much locked me and her in there and made me clean it. There was so much stuff thrown out and I hated the fact she was going through my stuff BUT it worked and my room never returned to the state it was in before.

Have to admit she'd probably have a heart attack if she saw the state of my room in my own place now :rotfl: bit it's only me who has to put up with it