Am I being unreasonable? Teenager's untidy room

CathA

ttoli wrote: »

My dad walked in my room once and gave me the ultimatum , either the room is tidy in three days or the lot goes down the chute ( we lived in a tower block at the time) , three days later he kept his word ! , clothes , games, college work etc etc . and yes It done the trick .

Another parent joins my 'Hero' list!! My grandparents lived in a tower block with one of those rubbish shoot things and my sister and I used to fight over who was going to chuck the rubbish out. Aah, happy memories!

Lily-Rose_3

Bennifred wrote: »

No teenagers aren't all the same!
This sort of behaviour (slovenliness) does not appear overnight. If children are brought up to tidy their rooms from a young age then it becomes an ingrained habit and the problem doesn't arise. Same thing with food and drink in bedrooms - I suggest water only in bedrooms would save a lot of aggravation, too.

splishsplash wrote: »

I can't agree with the bit in bold. My kids were always taught to tidy as they went and never had food or drinks upstairs. This is something that has evolved as they've grown older.

I also think they go through phases - my elder child was untidy when she was younger, my middle child a bit of a neat freak but they seem to have swapped identities so now my elder is the one who likes things neat and the younger not so bothered.

KxMx wrote: »

I disagree too. My controlling father insisted on military style cleanliness and would often compare me as an 8/9/10 yo(to my detriment) to the mentally ill girls that he worked with. Just a toy or two out and a drawer and bit messy and he was off.

Mum taught me to help around the house, tidy after myself etc but was happy to leave me to my own devices in bedroom.

In my teens away from him I let things slide big time bedroom wise, but grew out of it after a few years!

Thank you KxMx and splish splash. I also disagree with the bolded bit in Bennifred's post too. If you try to train a child from a young age to be tidy, with the assumption they will be tidy in their teens; you are likely to be disappointed IMO...

Also, the way the household is and how tidy the parents keep the home is irrelevant.... Our daughter's bedroom was a tip for about 5 years (between 12 and 17; ) yet, our home has always been lovely and neat and tidy and we have kept it as clean as possible, and we did used to get her to keep her room tidy when she was little, but when she hit her teens, she just went super-lazy with her room!

Almost every teenager I know/have known - me as a teen, my friends as teens, my own daughter, AND all my friends and family members teens, are little scruffs and their rooms are a tip. (Not 100% of the time, and not for very many years maybe 5 to 7 years, but certainly scruffy more of the time than not!)

My daughter (nearly 20,) now has a room in a house near her uni, and she keeps her room spotless. She is the one who keeps the rest of the house clean too! So it doesn't last forever!

spender

I just shut the door, their rooms, their mess and I find they get to the stage when they can not bear it so tidy it and let the cycles begin again! And yes I am tidy everywhere else but I am not living in their rooms so shutting the door helps.

ViolaLass

My mother once let my brother throw my belongings out of the window as I had not tidied my room.

It didn't make me tidier, it just hurt our relationship.

Indie_Kid

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Thank you KxMx and splish splash. I also disagree with the bolded bit in Bennifred's post too. If you try to train a child from a young age to be tidy, with the assumption they will be tidy in their teens; you are likely to be disappointed IMO...

How true! My room is rather untidy atm.:o But I know will needs to be done to get my TV sorted.

kerri_gt

Kathy535 wrote: »

Point taken, though I was actually hoping that she'd be so appalled by the fact I'd been through her stuff that she'd keep it tidy. Actually, she was just really grateful, horrified by the spiders (!) and seemed very contrite, saying that she hadn't known were to start herself. In general she's a lovely, thoughtful, funny almost-adult, there aren't many teenagers who come downstairs to ask if you need any help and then happily wash up, Hoover, dust etc when asked. It's just the bedroom that's a blind spot. Ho hum.

I was never allowed food / plates in my room as a teen - the most was a cup of tea, sometimes a biscuit if I was studying upstairs and I had to bring both down when finished.

As a teen (and now) I liked things orderly and my room wasn't huge but I did have a habit of piling clothes at the bottom of my bed. My study books were often a bit of a heap, and I did accidentally knock a pot of black acrylic model paint over my new carpet :eek: (hurriedly cleaned up)

Perhaps take this opportunity of saying to DD that now her room is tidy, she should hopefully be able to keep it so. She's obviously capable and helpful around the house. Perhaps a little reminder or mention of 'I'm putting some washing in, is anything on the floor dirty' if clothes start piling up, or if she's dusting downstairs 'while you're at it, why don't you quickly dust your room too while I make us a cuppa, then it's done'

I wouldn't allow her to have food upstairs, but perhaps if she does, she could have a plastic box where dirty cups / plates get put into. At least they would be in one place and easy for her to carry down?

nearlyrich

My teens are all grown up I picked my battles carefully regarding bedroom tidiness. I had a couple of rules which seemed to work..


No eating in the bedrooms.
Door to be kept shut.
Any smells on the landing would be investigated.
If any cups plates glasses went missing from the kitchen their disappearance would be investigated..


My DD has an immaculate home not a thing out of place and my DS discovered within a couple of weeks at Uni in a shared flat how annoying other people's bad habits are.

Person_one

ViolaLass wrote: »

My mother once let my brother throw my belongings out of the window as I had not tidied my room.

It didn't make me tidier, it just hurt our relationship.

I have to say, I know it won't be a popular view but I've been fairly horrified by the 'amusing' stories of throwing away other people's property, letting it get rained on or damaged deliberately, even extended to some poor kid's college work in one post :eek:.

To me, that's far more disrespectful and downright mean than having a messy bedroom as a teenager.

notanewuser

I'm horrified too, especially with the "you're my hero" type posts.

I'm dreadfully untidy. I'd much rather get on with life than spend it dusting and hoovering. As a small child my nan says I could make a room messy just by walking through it. That hasn't changed. A few times a year I spend days blitzing the place, only to be unable to find anything for several months. When it's moderately messy I can put my hand on anything I'm asked to in seconds.

My sister is pathologically neat. She and her partner have split so many times because of the unreasonable expectations she puts on him (he's perfectly clean and tidy, but her standards are off the charts.). The last time I went to stay there we were an hour late going out because she was cleaning her flat before the cleaner came. When we got back I wasn't allowed to sit on the sofa.

We're at completely opposite ends of the scale despite having the same parents and the same upbringing. My parents never stopped going on about my messiness - they never brought up my sister's unreasonable habits (hoovering at 3am etc). They've spent all weekend freaking out about having to clean THEIR house to HER standards as she's visiting week. Sod that for a game of soldiers!!! :rotfl:

Flossie.

Person_one wrote: »

I have to say, I know it won't be a popular view but I've been fairly horrified by the 'amusing' stories of throwing away other people's property, letting it get rained on or damaged deliberately, even extended to some poor kid's college work in one post :eek:.

To me, that's far more disrespectful and downright mean than having a messy bedroom as a teenager.

On the contrary, I agree with you. I think it's pretty unpleasant to throw someone's stuff away or destroy it, to 'teach them a lesson in tidiness.' Yes, maybe confiscate it, and don't let them have it back, (for a short while,) but to destroy it or get rid of it? No.

My father once ripped down ALL of my pop star and film star posters and he ruined about a third of them (I had about 30 in all,) and he ripped up 3 calendars and stomped on several of my cassette tapes and broke them, and he stamped on a couple of small makeup cases by my bed and wrecked a couple of eyeshadow sets that had been given to me by family members and also several pairs of earrings that were in one of the cases.

This was when I was about 14 because I had an untidy room, and had been asked 3 or 4 times in 2 weeks to clean it (and I hadn't.) It didn't 'teach me a lesson,' I just resented him for it, and I loathed him for it for about half a year. I just didn't see any need for it. It was a massive over-reaction.

It didn't make me much tidier, maybe a bit but not much, and it upset me a great deal, as he had ruined some of my collectible belongings. I didn't feel like it had taught me a lesson: it just caused friction and discord between me and my father for about six months. Even when I did stop resenting him and feeling angry about it, I still wondered why he had to resort to such measures, and I never ever thought 'oh yeah, that was such a life-affirming experience when my dad wrecked my stuff!'