Am I being unreasonable? Teenager's untidy room

jaylee3

Agree with the above ^^^

And I am glad FLOSSIE, that your dad didn't make a habit of behaving like that!!!

As Kerri said above, maybe he was angry about something else, and had some anger inside him, and you got the brunt of it.

Still, pretty crappy thing to do.

Glad he never did anything like that again though,

lostinrates

ViolaLass wrote: »

I can only repeat what my mother said:

"It'll be your fault if it gets wet."

"You make me hit you" ?

I'm not opposed to intervention in many cases, but this form of intervention seems hypocritical, histrionic and damaging, not just in the sense of damaging objects.

jaylee3

lostinrates wrote: »

"You make me hit you" ?

I'm not opposed to intervention in many cases, but this form of intervention seems hypocritical, histrionic and damaging, not just in the sense of damaging objects.

Hmmmmmm, you do have a point there.

jaylee3

Person_one wrote: »

jaylee, it's ok to write sanitary towel, we won't get the vapours at the mere mention.

OK...

What if I meet you halfway; I will call it a Sanitary T, or an S towel.

[Deleted User]

I have to admit, I was the worlds worst. I wasn't too bad at home because my bedroom was small. But once I had my own place, oh dear, I had to sweep the floor before I could hoover, washed up when I ran out of plates (and yes the kitchen looked like a microbe lab).

Then I started a nursing course. Realised what I was doing and completely changed, cleaned up regularly. When I had my older son, I was constantly cleaning (hated seeing dirty knees on clothes when he was crawling, didn't want him catching anything he shouldn't, not that it did a lot of good lol).

Now he's 18, he helps with the house (usually only have to ask twice) and I now get him to bring him down his crockery by asking him to help me. If he doesn't, he gets the 'nasty' tone of voice. On the rare occasion he still doesn't, I send his younger brother to ask him. He's a much better nagger than me lol. But it is also done with enough sense of humour so no relationships are permanently damaged. I just know my 8 year old won't stop saying 'do blah blah' until his brother does. Should be used as a torture technique.., you'd do anything to stop it lol.

ViolaLass

lostinrates wrote: »

"You make me hit you" ?

I'm not opposed to intervention in many cases, but this form of intervention seems hypocritical, histrionic and damaging, not just in the sense of damaging objects.

My mother was/is not always the most emotionally aware/considerate person. I agree, I don't think it was a mature way of dealing with the situation but it's not the only time that she has misjudged interactions with me.

notanewuser

http://elitedaily.com/money/entrepreneurship/psychology-behind-messy-rooms-messy-room-may-necessarily-bad-thing/708046/

Solarjunkie

As Kathy535 said "Actually, she was just really grateful, saying that she hadn't known where to start herself" - more carrot, less stick.

Otherwise, certainly teenagers need their own space, to explore the levels of tidiness that suits them, to rebel against the rules of the house.
We also had a washing up rota, when it was finished, the plate rack etc should be full, if it wasn't, the washer up would generally get cross with brother for not bringing down his plates. The next day the situation was reversed, so they generally sorted that one between them.

Washing that was in the basket got washed, full stop. I shake my head in disbelief that anyone would pick up washing from the floor for a 9 year old, leave alone a 19 year old! Mind you, I did have some deep breathing moments when the teenagers left the house in garments that needed washing, when they hadn't thought of it in time and still really wanted to wear them. But it's up to mothers what small children wear, once they're shaving they're certainly not small children!

We all try and bring up our children to take responsibility for their belongings and surroundings and the impact they have on others. We have to let them go through that process, while at the same time trying to temper the bit about "the impact they have on others". Good luck to all infested with teenagers!

bluebag

I can't sleep tonight for some reason , so have been reading some stuff on here.
I have two 'messies' one of which is so good at messy she probably qualifies for some sort of national award.

I have no constructive advice to offer, sadly.

Sometimes I do it for them, sometimes I shut the door, sometimes I give up and just binge eat chocolate. Occasionally, I slip into delusional optimism and try reason.

I never use consequences or any of that stuff, my god that takes some serious effort!

I have sought comfort and solace from friends who are going through similar difficulties. It helps to know you are not alone.

Most times I just surrender to the inevitable and pray the age of miracles is not over. One always has to have some hope.

Mind you, I would much rather slob on the sofa than hoover under it ... so maybe pot and kettle applies to me?

ellielovesem

As a messy child/teenager I have to comment!

When I was young (around 8) I had a cupboard in my room, and I used to just chuck things in. Every once in a while my mum would empty the contents and dump them on the floor much to my annoyance. Of course I had to pick it up but would only be putting it back in the cupboard just in a slightly tidier way!

As I became a teenager I moved into the larger bedroom as my sister was at uni and I think having more room helped as I had storage places for all of my cr*p. My mum was a real nag though and agreeing with what others have said, I ended up leaving it just to annoy her. Having said that though, I never had food and drink upstairs and I didn't dare leave dirty clothes on the floor, mum was too scary to do that!

I now have my own house which I must admit isn't the tidiest. I've got three bedrooms (just me) and the more room you have the more cr*p you have I find. I do get fed up with it once in a while and have a blitz but I tend to lose interest half way through, I now have half of the contents of the box room getting in the way in one of the other rooms, oops.

Anyway, back to the OP! I'd agree with having a deep clean to set a standard which I see you have done. I think it can get a bit bewidering when it's too bad, think of the people on 'How Clean is your House', they were in despair and some cried when it had been cleaned! After the deep clean say no food upstairs and try to encourage all dirty laundy into the basket. Other than that I'd just leave it, try to encourage a clean every once in a while but just wait until she (hopefully) gets fed up with it.

I know from experience that the constant nagging can get you down and as I've said, I actually started doing it on purpose.

Sorry for rambling