Am I being unreasonable? Teenager's untidy room

ska_lover

Kathy I would shut the door and walk away

The only thing I would insist on is no crockery upstairs, why should you have to go looking for cups and glasses

Other than that, I'd leave her to it, not worth the stress.

PlymouthMaid

I have one of those too - she did tidy a bit before she returned to uni and I can see the floor again but around the edges there is all sorts of old toot. I did find an open carton of juice in there three weeks after she left blurgh. I am a bit of a clutterbug myself as I have too many hobbies laying around the house but I hate dirt and smells so when she gets her room near that stage we always have words. I have found the only thing which works for us is when I refuse to help her with things (such as colouring her hair) until she has a tidy room.

Morglin

I used yo ignore most of the mess, but I insisted that any and all crockery etc., was bought down to the kitchen.

What makes me laugh now is that my two 'slobs' now have spotless homes, but also have teenage kids themselves now, and are fighting the losing battle themselves nowadays. lol

Set boundaries that you're happy with, and tell her the rules.

Lin

CathA

My girls were all like this, some worse than others!! When they were younger, we had 'housework night', where they had to dust and tidy their rooms, plus another household chore;cleaning the bathroom, hoovering the stairs etc. It worked very well, one night a week their bedrooms were lovely!! The rest of the time it could be a tip. I used to walk into one of the rooms, tell them it was not acceptable and tell them to tidy up the 'floordrobe'. I'd give them 5 minutes and if no sign of movement that's it, I'd be up those stairs. The threat was I'd open the window and start throwing stuff out, and I meant it. Many a time I had my hand on the window latch and they'd run in and start doing it. I had done it once when they were small in relation to their toys, which they wouldn't put away. As the Lego bounced off the trees, they soon got on with it! It might sound harsh but it worked for me. They went off to uni and no doubt their rooms were hideous, but not my problem. The standing joke in our house then was 'Oh, kids are home from uni, no glasses in the cupboard!' I've got one back from uni for a while and when we moved house she was given the smallest bedroom as she can't keep a room tidy, so the less room to make a mess the better. I told her that, she was not impressed but too bad, when she pays the mortgage she can live in what room she likes. Her room is quite tidy but she's still not having the bigger room (it's in the process of being decorated but that's not the point). I open her windows to let some fresh air in when she's not here (why do teenagers hate fresh air?!) As to food rubbish in the room, I told my girls not to have any up there. They didn't listen, so one day when the dogs sneaked upstairs the dogs had a field day, pulled everything out the bins, chewed everything up, spat a lot of it out on their beds and dragged loads of c**p out into the hall. When I saw the mess in the hall, I carefully pushed it back into their rooms and shut the door. Not my mess, not my problem, and they were less than thrilled to get home, open their doors and step into a pile of chewed up tissues.

So my advice, issue your instructions, stand by the window after 5 minutes and if you say you will throw stuff out DO IT! Very satisfying and I bet you won't have to do it more than once. Good luck.

Kantankrus_Mare

Laughing at the idea of lego bouncing off trees..............:rotfl: maybe bras and knickers blowing in the wind could have same results for OP.

I have to say that my two have been at times untidy throughout their teenage years but as long as nothing is going mouldy or smells, I just shut the door as what I cant see doesn't bother me.

They are both improving with age! One is 21 the other 19.

heartbreak_star

I think I changed somewhere around the age of....30? Ha ha!

I've generally been quite messy but clean, now I can't even abide dishes on the side or laundry needing put away...

HBS x

notanewuser

37 and I've still not grown out of it!

h3llsb3lls

My DSD is the same... She is 18 and you can't see the floor of her room. She has a wardrobe buts its overflowing. She went through a stage were she wouldn't strip her bed for 3/4 weeks. Washing tends to come down in a couple of black bags when she decides to have a declutter.


I've now started putting it on the family calendar. Despite being messy, she likes order so seeing it in black & white reminds her. I also got her to think about her friends who come round. Would she feel comfortable going in a smelly, messy room.


Its a slow process and I still pull my hair out some days but I agree with GobbeldyGook that that behind the bedroom door is the business of the room occupier. However if we have workmen or I need to get to the immersion, I have to go in her room so we gave her a choice... Look after her room or we go in and clean it from top to bottom (shes very private so this would be a no no)

elmer

When my DDs room got too messy and digusting, instead of shutting the door, I took the door off, This horrified her so much, she couldn't tidy up fast enough.
Now the threat that 3 days hence the door will be removed is usually enough, but as she is now 22 the tidiness is noticeably improving generally.

Good luck

maman

My DD1 was just like this as a teenager. She even had a poster with a pig on it saying 'It's my mess and I love it'. I'd give her clean bedding regularly for her to change it and said I'd hoover the floor if I could see it. Other than that I let her get on with it.


She's now grown up and keeps her own home immaculate but she has a teenage daughter and......:rotfl:


To answer your question OP, I'd just let her get on with it. I think of it as their private space. The only thing that would bother me would be if the smell was obvious outside the room.