i am so unhappy - dont know what to do(long)

HappySad

I am writing to say I really feel for your situation and I can only say what life was like for me when I was brought up by a single mother on a very VERY low income (benefits). We did not have much and everything we had had to be bought in the sale. When other children had gagets and stuff we did not. We were OK about this as my mother explained to us that we could not afford and got us what she could. We did not suffer from living a low income lifestyle as our mother included my sister & I in the quest to live as well as we could on our lower income. I have no regrets in later life living a poorer lifestyle to my peers and feel that I learnt the skill of living well on a very low income.


Your self esteme must be soooo low with all that negative behaviour and actions from his family. I cannot imagine what it is like to have them take over your families life.. you are not given any space to BE a separate famliy.

I wish that I could say do this or do that to make things better for you. Writing on this message board will help a lot as I have used chat on this and other message boards to help me with big issues in my life & it has definately helped. If you can see a coucillor for free from your doctor then that would help.

You might consider having a small break from your family for say a month/week to help you to think more clearly rather than leave all together. For you to consider to leave your children means that your inner pain is at a level that I have no comprehension of.... continue to reach out for support as you are doing now...

cheapchick_3

thanx- i couldn't sleep again last night, half 4 i finally went back to bed after tossing and turning, getting up, going back to bed again etc. today i feel tired as i had to be up for work at half 7. i managed to dose off for an hour on the sofa (something i never do) at teatime. i havent seen much of my oh, due to his work pattern, but we spoke on the phone a couple of times, he came in from work about 2 am and came to bed, however he did come downstairs when i got up, for a hug, but he didnt say anything about his family, despite me telling him that was what was troubling me again.

i think that you are right happysad, that my self esteem is low. i am going to book an appointment with the gp and ask him for a referral for counselling, i shall tell oh tomorrow what my plans are and ask him to come to the doctors with me.


i'm looking forward to tomorrow, the kids are going to my brothers for a sleep over and i have booked myself in for a pampering session to include nails and hair, my oh is not working 2morrow night so we can perhaps go out.

HappySad

great! you are going in the right direction.

TheWaltons_3

Fell saddened reading your post Cheap Chick and just wanted to say I hope things improve, stay strong xxx

cheapchick_3

well hubby has spoken to his mother - he's told them that no one else is welcome to come to our caravan - their coming anyway:mad:, so he's said (threatening) that were not going on that basis.!!!! whilst i have been out today there has been 6 missed calls from his sister - tough really. my mil came round tonight with dinner for us (because i was running late with my hairdo) and my oh has laid down his feelings and mine (but more his), they are looking at booking into b&b, but my nephew wants to stay.

he's spoken to his brother who agrees with me and has reiterated that they are not welcome.

i'm just awaiting the abuse tomorrow!!!!
but i shall be out:D

milkydrink

My jaw hit the floor when I read that he abused & assulted you in the pub & your hubby did nothing. I would never advise any woman to walk away from a marriage especially with children, BUT that one takes some explaining.

If my husband did that, I would feel he didn't love, respect or care about me. I would also think he didn't have much respect for himself.

Any normal man would have knocked his head off, your husbands reaction is one of the oddest thing I have ever heard.

Panic attacks are awful, I had them on & off for a couple of years. Do whatever you need to do to live a happy life for yourself & your children. Your husband sounds like a spineless idiot who can't stand up to anyone.

But marriage & kids means you defend them with all you have (whether they are right or wrong) in public & that includes in-laws, relatives, friends anyone.

cheapchick_3

kimevans wrote: »

My jaw hit the floor when I read that he abused & assulted you in the pub & your hubby did nothing. I would never advise any woman to walk away from a marriage especially with children, BUT that one takes some explaining.


thats how i felt when it happened, what makes it even worse is that i was in early pregnancy - and all knew that, and that was the reason i posted this, because i didn't know how much more i could take. HOWEVER, posting on here has made me stronger, when i thought i was at my lowest, and it has given me more confidence to be very direct with my oh.

i'm nervous today, the fallout has started. my sil has rang me (although she wasnt rude) to explain that her boyfriend wasnt coming as he didnt want to come on holiday with a bunch of idiots!!!!! thats fine i said at least we'll all be safe. my other sil is not answering her phone (hubby trying to ring her) so he's left messages on her phone telling her that she is not welcome. my mil is throwing the emotional tantrum crying and telling my oh and his sister that they are a close family and are entitled to have a holiday together. my oh has responded by telling them thats fine, book yourselves a holiday together, but not with us. at the end of the day we've paid for the holiday with no contribution from anyone else so we are entitled to have a say in who comes.
Mil is adamant that she is coming and she can invite whoever she wants as she is entitled!!!! at the mo there is 3 extra uninvited guests, possibly 5.

hubby will ring the holiday park and state his problem - its quite a large site and well run so we will hopefully get them to not let the extra guests in without a booking.

Squiggly_Diddly

Good grief... sounds like the message wouldn't go through to them even if you thumped it in with a sledgehammer!!!!

I would try saying something along the lines of "as we are adults we don't have to go on holiday with parents/brothers/sisters etc and are having a holiday alone as a family unit. We do not want you there, we cannot make that any clearer. If you persist in turning up we will call park security and have you removed".

You need to be adamant that they are NOT coming... no matter what they say!!!! HOpefully the park will be supportive, although I'm not sure what they will be able to do... If the family turn up, don't open the caravan/chalet door, don't let them in!!!!!!

And this is a great site for support & confidence-boosting :-)

Good luck!

kaneaj1

Good grief, u have the patience of a saint!

Glad to hear that your husband is making the effort to be supportive now, even if that was severely lacking before.U deserve much better than this for you and your family

Take care, n dont let the beeps grind you down hun xxx

CFC

I'd like to echo that you have the patience of a saint.

This next few months has got to be the make or break for this marraige. If he backslides, leave him, either with or without your kids. Yes, you might need to leave without your kids - you need to do whatever you need to do to keep yourself emotionally protected as a functioning human being.

If you don't look after yourself, you certainly can't look after them.

Take care hunny
x