Nice People 13: Nice Save

lostinrates

I think my adrenaline rush started to peter out last night.

GDB2222

lostinrates wrote: »

I think my adrenaline rush started to peter out last night.

Would it help if I crept up behind you and said 'Boo!'?

To cheer you up, I have just discovered that there is a veggie restaurant in Norwich with the following address.

The Old Fire Station Stables,
Labour in Vain Yard,

michaels

If hypothetically one were to disagree with one's partner about certain aspects of parenting and that despite repeated conversations they refused to change what would be the best thing to do?

Yorkie1

CKhalvashi wrote: »

I've tried numerous times, sometimes managing few months, sometimes struggling to manage a few weeks.

Giving it another go when I finished what's in the house (2 full packs still, so probably Monday). Also going to be giving losing another 2st a go, however as anyone that has smoked knows, the two don't necessarily go together.

Good luck CK :T

GDB2222 wrote: »

Would it help if I crept up behind you and said 'Boo!'?

To cheer you up, I have just discovered that there is a veggie restaurant in Norwich with the following address.

The Old Fire Station Stables,
Labour in Vain Yard,

:rotfl:

vivatifosi

michaels wrote: »

If hypothetically one were to disagree with one's partner about certain aspects of parenting and that despite repeated conversations they refused to change what would be the best thing to do?

Forgive me for saying this michaels, but it sounds like the other hypothetical parent is set in thinking that they are right and other parent wrong. Would compromise and consensus not be better in most situations? Providing the other position isn't downright stupid/silly... such as enrolling the kids on a course to learn to juggle with chainsaws while riding a unicycle.

I'm clearly not a parent, so please feel free to disagree, as I don't understand what it is like. I just know that's a common cause for. friction in relationships.

GDB2222

michaels wrote: »

If hypothetically one were to disagree with one's partner about certain aspects of parenting and that despite repeated conversations they refused to change what would be the best thing to do?

Two things to do:

Think hard about how important this is to you - for example is there any risk of serious harm to the kids?

Think hard about this from your partner's point of view. Is it conceivable that your partner is right and you are wrong? Hard to believe, I know! Why does she persist in this view? Is it ingrained from childhood? Etc.

silvercar

michaels wrote: »

If hypothetically one were to disagree with one's partner about certain aspects of parenting and that despite repeated conversations they refused to change what would be the best thing to do?

Why can't you change?

michaels

silvercar wrote: »

Why can't you change?

Change partner?

It is a netball tournament, dw in front of dd suggest it is a waste of time her taking part as the team is not very good and are almost certain not to win.

GDB2222

michaels wrote: »

Change partner?

It is a netball tournament, dw in front of dd suggest it is a waste of time her taking part as the team is not very good and are almost certain not to win.

But she's not saying that DD is no good. She is blaming DD's team mates.

LydiaJ

GDB2222 wrote: »

But she's not saying that DD is no good. She is blaming DD's team mates.

Perhaps. But I'm not sure that's the point.

"There is no point in playing unless you can win" is certainly not something I would want my children to be learning, and "there's no point in being in a team with people if you're better than them" is even worse. But I gather (not just from comments now but from previous posts over the years) that there's a pattern here of wanting the children to win, to be the best at school, to excel in everything they do, etc.

In your position I would bring the whole thing out into the open and discuss it with the children. Acknowledge that some people, including their mother, think that winning is the most important thing. Say that you disagree, and that instead you put a higher value on taking part, doing your best, playing fair, and dealing with both wins and losses with a good grace (or however you feel you can best describe your own values on the subject). Watch Cool runnings with them. They might enjoy it, and it would put your message across.

Your kids are already aware that you and she don't agree about everything, or even about all the things that are important to you, but that you love each other anyway. They can cope with understanding that you disagree about this too.

And then try to introduce your DW to the work of Carol Dweck on the growth mindset. If she can understand that a focus on winning is not the best way to become successful, she may think again. Or not. But it's worth a try.