Nice People 13: Nice Save

ivyleaf

lostinrates wrote: »

While I was out today I parked next to a car that often passes our house. The owner came out and I said,hill..you pass our house a lot and introduced myself. She sort of introduced herself back and I went to go into the shops, saying my normal good bye to the dogs. The woman looked really affronted.


Its just clicked that I think she thought I walked off telling her to 'be good, I'll be back soon'

One day I was waiting to cross the road on the way to work, and there were cars coming in both directions, fairly fast and with just enough of a gap between them to make it impossible to cross safely, IYSWIM. i.e. by the time one had gone past there was always one coming the other way.

I was going to be late for work if I couldn't get across soon, and muttered irritably at the cars, "Oh DO hurry up!"

A mum with a buggy who was passing at the time looked at me reproachfully and hastened her steps....

I did think of calling "Sorry, I didn't mean you, I was talking to the cars!"

But I didn't, because it sounded so unlikely

vivatifosi

Lydia... you are brilliant. Great answer.

Ivyleaf... that did make me chuckle.

lostinrates

LydiaJ wrote: »

Perhaps. But I'm not sure that's the point.

"There is no point in playing unless you can win" is certainly not something I would want my children to be learning, and "there's no point in being in a team with people if you're better than them" is even worse. But I gather (not just from comments now but from previous posts over the years) that there's a pattern here of wanting the children to win, to be the best at school, to excel in everything they do, etc.

In your position I would bring the whole thing out into the open and discuss it with the children. Acknowledge that some people, including their mother, think that winning is the most important thing. Say that you disagree, and that instead you put a higher value on taking part, doing your best, playing fair, and dealing with both wins and losses with a good grace (or however you feel you can best describe your own values on the subject). Watch Cool runnings with them. They might enjoy it, and it would put your message across.

Your kids are already aware that you and she don't agree about everything, or even about all the things that are important to you, but that you love each other anyway. They can cope with understanding that you disagree about this too.

And then try to introduce your DW to the work of Carol Dweck on the growth mindset. If she can understand that a focus on winning is not the best way to become successful, she may think again. Or not. But it's worth a try.

I think this is an excellent suggestion.


I also think that its worth considering context. I think taking part in something one enjoys, and being active and well rounded,more important than winning too.

However, if there was a question of picking priorities in an over burdened timetable and choosing what to do success might be so etching to add to deciding factors. Not the only thing by any means, but something.

Generali

I think I need some help. Mrs Generali left her phone charger plugged in to an electrical socket. I told her where that charger was.

Why is it my fault that she left the charger where I said it was? Apparently I'm right in the poo.

PasturesNew

Generali wrote: »

I think I need some help.

Always refer to rule 1.

This is where we're back to your training....

LydiaJ

vivatifosi wrote: »

Lydia... you are brilliant. Great answer.

lostinrates wrote: »

I think this is an excellent suggestion.

Thank you both of you.

lostinrates wrote: »

I also think that its worth considering context. I think taking part in something one enjoys, and being active and well rounded,more important than winning too.

However, if there was a question of picking priorities in an over burdened timetable and choosing what to do success might be so etching to add to deciding factors. Not the only thing by any means, but something.

Good point. I agree.

Generali wrote: »

I think I need some help. Mrs Generali left her phone charger plugged in to an electrical socket. I told her where that charger was.

Why is it my fault that she left the charger where I said it was? Apparently I'm right in the poo.

My experience of being married to somebody who thought that most problems were my fault was that my instinctive response was to apologise and try not to do whatever it was again. With hindsight, I recognise that this was appeasement, and that while it temporarily smoothed things over, the long term effect was to make his expectations of me even more unreasonable. I have since come to believe that appeasement in marriage is about as effective as it was for Chamberlain. My preferred way of dealing with misunderstandings now is to try to get the focus away from assigning or accepting blame, and onto fixing the problem.

LydiaJ

PasturesNew wrote: »

Always refer to rule 1.

This is where we're back to your training....

I hope that's a joke.

Otherwise it's incredibly sexist and I don't like it.

zagubov

CKhalvashi wrote: »

I've tried numerous times, sometimes managing few months, sometimes struggling to manage a few weeks.

Giving it another go when I finished what's in the house (2 full packs still, so probably Monday). Also going to be giving losing another 2st a go, however as anyone that has smoked knows, the two don't necessarily go together.

Good luck with the quitting. It's more important if you're a parent.:)

lostinrates

GDB2222 wrote: »

Would it help if I crept up behind you and said 'Boo!'?

To cheer you up, I have just discovered that there is a veggie restaurant in Norwich with the following address.

The Old Fire Station Stables,
Labour in Vain Yard,

You can try. I'm game if you are. Be warned, I can be quite jumpy and scream very loudly, RP and fir are used to be screaming when they enter a room.


I love that address.

I also like sexey's school in Somerset. Brave parents who opt for a school called. Sexey's should know that the part of Bruton its in is called Lusty. And the school is opposite lover's lane.


I love interestingly named places. When we had the historical people tell us that there was new that we may be the site of an ancient thing here I was really excited, because it has a really cool name. ( quite rude) but its not phonetic so I was overruled suggesting we talk about changing the name of the farm.

Changing the name of the farm would be practical ( we get a lot of post for next door farm and it gets confusing an a farm about two and a half miles away has a very similar name and we get each other's post too, but they do not return signed for parcels ....grrrrrrrrr) but sensitive as its been this for a couple of hundred years. But honestly....I really dislike this name. A rude weird name would make me laugh, but non phonetic names are a bit pants.

PasturesNew

LydiaJ wrote: »

I hope that's a joke.

Otherwise it's incredibly sexist and I don't like it.

It was about something joked about 10 days or so ago ... and was tongue in cheek, yes.