Nice People 13: Nice Save

chewmylegoff

Generali wrote: »

You'll be getting tons of advice, mostly contradictory and all designed to make you feel bad about yourselves. Just remember these things:

1. Kids will never starve themselves to death. Don't sweat feeding.
2. You don't expect to be able to drive a car or bake a cake without instructions. Why would you be able to breast feed without instruction?
3. It gets easier quicker than you think. They'll be sleeping through the night in 2-3 months maximum. Probably in more like 6 weeks.
4. Don't build anything into the bedtime routine you don't want to do every night for at least 2 years. Don't pat them off to sleep or anything.
5. Look at some of the people that are parents. If those idiots can raise a child I'm sure you can!

Thank you!

We certainly are getting conflicting advice - the doctor effectively prescribed formula and told us to use it immediately and then the midwife came in after we had given one some formula and were about to start on the other and told us not to use formula and that expressing milk would be enough!

Still, almost all of the hospital staff we have dealt with here have been really good and supportive and have really bent over backwards to help. A couple of the older nursing staff have been a bit jobsworth / irritating / rude / inconsiderate, but on balance things are much better than I expected.

I think we are getting there now and the babies are definitely more content after feeding which suggests they're getting enough or at least more than before. Even though we got no sleep at all last night again and spent the whole time feeding we did it in a more structured way and could see that they were actually getting enough so it felt a lot different.

OH is asleep now and so are the babies. I bet the cleaner comes in in 5 minutes and wakes her up.

chewmylegoff

GDB2222 wrote: »

The only advice I can give is to remind OH that she is now eating for three. She is probably very keen to regain her figure, but DW got very thin with our first child, simply because she did not eat enough.

I am mindful of this - she seems to want to snap back into shape within a week... I am subverting her efforts by continually putting biscuits into her mouth whenever she is distracted by feeding!

zagubov

chewmylegoff wrote: »

Thank you!

We certainly are getting conflicting advice - the doctor effectively prescribed formula and told us to use it immediately and then the midwife came in after we had given one some formula and were about to start on the other and told us not to use formula and that expressing milk would be enough!

Still, almost all of the hospital staff we have dealt with here have been really good and supportive and have really bent over backwards to help. A couple of the older nursing staff have been a bit jobsworth / irritating / rude / inconsiderate, but on balance things are much better than I expected.

I think we are getting there now and the babies are definitely more content after feeding which suggests they're getting enough or at least more than before. Even though we got no sleep at all last night again and spent the whole time feeding we did it in a more structured way and could see that they were actually getting enough so it felt a lot different.

OH is asleep now and so are the babies. I bet the cleaner comes in in 5 minutes and wakes her up.

I found out that everybody that gave us advice was astonishingly sure of themselves. Conviction, anecdotal experience and assertion seem to trump and replace facts, evidence and wide experience.
And the more sure anybody sounds about anything the more you need to think about it carefully.

Having sifted through it with hindsight, the best advice for us was:
keep visitors away as much as possible so DW can get some rest.
Don't feel guilty about mixing advice as you see fit.
Get your head down the instant the kids eyes close; you'll soon find you pick up the knack of at-will instant sleep.
When they're a bit older, if the kids wake up at night keep it boring (even though that'll be boring for you).
Don't let anybody smoke in the house.

And if any or all of that sounds like rubbish, ignore it!

silvercar

Very good advice from Gen.

I would add, not to follow any guidelines you don't like. We trained ours to sleep from 11pm to 6am as a first step towards "through the night". Everyone told us it was wrong and we should encourage them to go down at 7pm and put up with the middle of the night feed. We also used to wake them about 11.30pm for a top up feed, until we could trust them to go through the night. Broke all the rules apparently.

They survived. As neither of us, me in particular, could survive without sleep, it worked for us.

Of course when I refer to the kids as "them" this was different stages a few years apart with each. I don't know how would manage twins. Possibly wake the second one up for a feed once the first one is awake?

Generali

vivatifosi wrote: »

Gen, I know we can't quote, but if it is appropriate to do so, please tell Mrs Gen that is seriously impressive.

DQWD:
She was asked to do Supernanny USA but didn't want to do it because she was preggers. She did some great things for people for example, a school, social workers and all those busybodies were pushing for a kid to be labelled as having ADHD/autism. Mrs Generali worked out that he had glue ear and so could hear in class. He would then get bored and disrupt things and wouldn't hear the teacher telling him to stop. A simple course of treatment later and he was completely fine!

She also got a wife and kids away from a very abusive husband.

Depression is a terrible thing. Without it she would have made that into an amazing company.

Generali

chewmylegoff wrote: »

I am mindful of this - she seems to want to snap back into shape within a week... I am subverting her efforts by continually putting biscuits into her mouth whenever she is distracted by feeding!

The idea that you 'snap into shape' is what we economists call 'b0ll0x' (sorry for the jargon).

AIUI, the famous person who get's their 'bikini body' back after a couple of weeks follows The Portland Clinic's system:

1. Go in a month before due date
2. Breast implants out
3. Caesar
4. Lipo
5. Couple of feeds of colostrum (the early milk that is really important)
6. Implants back in after a week or so as the milk dries up enough
7. Off home for interviews and 'paparazzi' photos

If you don't do that, you aren't getting your 'bikini body' back for a few months/years/ever.

Of course we all have a bikini body. Most people keep theirs safe by covering it with a layer of fat!

LydiaJ

PasturesNew wrote: »

Phone rang, random invite to eat stuff..... so I'm off. Curry/chips ... although there were two people there and it's been done in a slow cooker, which means that there's been a plan for them to get together and eat for some time ....and I was clearly a last minute thought.

So, did they not want me really, or did they think I'd be doing far more interesting stuff, or what

Off to get fed now as it's in 15 minutes.

If they had not wanted you, there would have been no reason for them to have asked you.

Spirit wrote: »

Very good day here. Went to beautitians for waxing (painful) followed by shopping for clothes and shoes. Went straight to East and bought a dress and a top then two summer dress from their sale rail,so the average cost per item was a bargain. Then found an ideal pair of shoes , small broad heel and a strap across so they are secure and very stable. I am dafinitely a size 12 at the top but my hips have shrunk and the usual shape of dresses I like was just way too bigaround my lower half.

Went to theatre tonight in Chichester to see Jeeves and wooster, it was excellent. DD and bf came with us. This was my first proper evening out since my stroke and all went very well.I walked up many stairs and had practised clapping with the physio on Thursday, so felt quite normal. e intended to go to a chinese restaurant post theatre but a collision blocked the road and the route round it pointed us towards home. As DD was driving we did not want send her back into the confusion.

Home to mint tea and smoked salmon sandwiches instead.I feel very well and justifiably tired, not the exhaustion of fatigue or lethargy of illness. /hoping I have turned a corner, although OH has warned me to expect to be tired tomorrow, so not to get annoyed if I am.

Excellent news! Well done. :T

chewmylegoff wrote: »

Yeah. The poor little mites have lost about 12% of their body weight since they were born, we just can't get enough food in them despite spending what feels like 23 hours a day feeding one or the other of them. OH is pretty much a nervous wreck now as she has hardly slept since Wednesday and I am little better although I have been home three times and got 2-3 hours sleep each time which is just about keeping me going..

She is now hooked up to some light industrial machinery from a dairy farm and we appear to be turning a corner although we need to find a way to let her get more than an hour's sleep at a time.

Still, the babies are very cute!

All babies (just about) lose weight after they're born. It's expected. OH's body is quite capable of making enough milk for two, but it will take a lot of hours of being sucked on to stimulate it to realise it needs to do so. In a little while, it will have ramped up milk production to the required level, and feeding will get faster.

For me, the breakthrough came when the babies (one at a time 3 years apart) and I got good enough at feeding to be able to do it lying down. I could plug the baby on and go back to sleep while s/he sucked away.

This, of course, is "all wrong" according to some parenting theories, but as others have said, you and your OH can pick and choose whose advice you follow. These babies are yours, not theirs.

Oh, and it's not just OH's figure that won't be back to normal immediately. NOTHING will be back to normal immediately. A lot of aspects of your life will never go back to the old normal. It's OK. You will find a new normal, and it will be all right. But for now, feeling that life as you knew it has disappeared and everything is shifting under your feet and spinning around your heads is natural. Go with it. Ditch your expectations of what you ought to be able to manage, and focus on loving your babies (and each other) and surviving their demands on you one day at a time. I promise you it will not always be this disorientating.

Yorkie1

vivatifosi wrote: »

Did anyone catch the UK's Eurovision entry? Has been announced tonight. It's got a 20's swing vibe. But as someone has posted on twitter (and will now be stuck in my head) it's very like the "Birds Eye Potato Waffles, they're waffly versatile" ad..

Not sure I like it, but it is catchy.

I like it. Very different and I didn't know what to make of it the first time I heard it. The female singer has cystic fibrosis, I believe. TBH whatever we do we won't get loads of points, but if it's a good song which us performed well then that's OK by me.

Spirit wrote: »

Very good day here.
.

What a fabulous day. Hope you're not too exhausted today

Generali

LydiaJ wrote: »

you and your OH can pick and choose whose advice you follow. These babies are yours, not theirs.

Spot on IMHO.

SingleSue

silvercar wrote: »

Very good advice from Gen.

I would add, not to follow any guidelines you don't like. We trained ours to sleep from 11pm to 6am as a first step towards "through the night". Everyone told us it was wrong and we should encourage them to go down at 7pm and put up with the middle of the night feed. We also used to wake them about 11.30pm for a top up feed, until we could trust them to go through the night. Broke all the rules apparently.

They survived. As neither of us, me in particular, could survive without sleep, it worked for us.

Of course when I refer to the kids as "them" this was different stages a few years apart with each. I don't know how would manage twins. Possibly wake the second one up for a feed once the first one is awake?

Me and ex hubby did exactly the same, James slept through properly from 6 weeks old (he has always been a good sleeper), Josh from about 8 or 10 weeks but youngest was the blooming awkward one.

I remember feeling a complete failure with James, a first time mum, loads of contrasting advice, failed attempts at breast feeding and over enthusiastic midwives seemingly telling me everything I was doing was wrong (think I may have been a litte over sensitive, they meant well).

I was a lot better with Josh, kept hidden my decision to breast feed him so there was no pressure whilst in hospital (he was bottle fed for the first 3 days) and waited until we got home before attempting it without all the 'helpful' advice. He was successfully breastfed until he was 8 months old and it was a much happier experience.

With youngest, I knew I could breastfeed successfully and was far more relaxed, he was breastfed straight away in the delivery room and there was no well meaning but annoying advice as I was seen as an experienced mum. He was breastfed until shortly after his first birthday.