Wife wants out, but I want to keep the family together. Advice needed

PaulAA_2

OK, so she is using lawyers whereas it could have been a plain 50/50 case, and surely those guys will want my every penny. Would it be essential for me to engage lawyers at some stage? When? What's the strategy here?

thorsoak

Remember the words of Jonathan Livingston Seagull "If you love someone, set them free; if they come back, they're yours. If they don't, they never were".

So don't contest the divorce. You will have to attend mediation to sort out finances, do that.

FBaby

PaulAA wrote: »

I think there's some truth in here. How do I prove that this is not going to be the case then?

The only way you could prove it is with time....and time is what she seems not willing to give you any longer, hence why it might be too late.

theoretica

What grounds has she given for divorce? Some form of unreasonable behaviour?
https://www.gov.uk/divorce/grounds-for-divorce

BrassicWoman

trust leaves on a gallopping horse. once it has gone, it's gone. there is no "proving" anything at this stage.

If you love her, make her happy - let her leave peacefully!

Pollycat

PaulAA wrote: »

I think there's some truth in here. How do I prove that this is not going to be the case then?

It may just be too late to start to prove to your wife that you can change (and despite all the best will in the world, there's no guarantee that you are able to change), especially if it's something that she's been telling you for a considerable time needs to change.

PaulAA wrote: »

OK, so she is using lawyers whereas it could have been a plain 50/50 case, and surely those guys will want my every penny. Would it be essential for me to engage lawyers at some stage? When? What's the strategy here?

This was posted 7 minutes after your post above.

Are you just getting ready in case the worst happens or have you given up?
TBH, it doesn't really sound to me that you are 100% committed (despite your protestations) to making this relationship work.

What's your strategy here?
No point in people giving you advice about trying to save your marriage if you're going to do tit-for-tat and instruct solicitors.

PaulAA_2

I did thank specific replies above, but I have to thank you all for taking time and giving perspective on this case.

PaulAA_2

thorsoak wrote: »

1. Do you have an children?

2. Do you have a joint mortgage? Both names on the deeds?

3. Does she propose moving out of the marital home or is she asking you to move out?

We can give you more advice when these facts are clearer - but in the meantime, can I just suggest that dirty laundry remains in the washing machine - not on facebook! Don't do it! So tacky.

No children, joint mortgage. Have not asked me to move out. Someone else mentioned buying out equity instead of selling. How does it work if the assets are split say 50/50?

duchy

You'd work out what the profit was - eg say you bought the house for £100K and it is now worth £150K the equity in the house is £50K - so the person buying out would need to remortgage for the £100K plus the 25K they be giving the other person to buy them out.

That way you are splitting the profit -It only works if the one buying out can get the required mortgage on affordability though. If they can't the house needs to be sold and the profit divided 50/50.

Frankly though she's still there at the moment- Anyone can start divorce proceedings-they can also change their minds if they want to . Instead of asking about what will happen why not focus on working really hard to fix things if you really love her and can't bear the thought of splitting (not something you have actually stated though)

clw1

Like the others don't go for the big dramatic gestures - they will just annoy her and make her more determined to divorce you.

Instead of just saying "No - I don't want a divorce" you could offer a compromise by suggesting that you put the divorce on hold for 3-6 months and in that period you work on your differences and go for councilling. Then tell her that if after that period she still wants to divorce you then you will go along with it.