Wife wants out, but I want to keep the family together. Advice needed

PaulAA_2

clw1 wrote: »

Like the others don't go for the big dramatic gestures - they will just annoy her and make her more determined to divorce you.

Instead of just saying "No - I don't want a divorce" you could offer a compromise by suggesting that you put the divorce on hold for 3-6 months and in that period you work on your differences and go for councilling. Then tell her that if after that period she still wants to divorce you then you will go along with it.

That was the 1st thing I did - offered a month or two and then decide. Which she rejected and said she'd make her go/no go decision on the very last day possible thus keeping me neither here nor there all this time. I still don't understand her true reasons and feeling confused. I further don't understand why use lawyers. I feel a 3rd party influence, however she has been busy at work or at home recently.

Mojisola

PaulAA wrote: »

I still don't understand her true reasons

Have you asked her?

Have you listened to her answers?

justme111

Duchy makes very valid point - it looks to me like you wanted to stay for financial reasons mostly which are mot good reasons to keep relatinons

PaulAA_2

Mojisola wrote: »

Have you asked her?

Have you listened to her answers?

I have; no answers so far. Will try again.

FBaby

PaulAA wrote: »

I have; no answers so far. Will try again.

Either she already has, and you didn't get it and she can't be bothered to do it again, or she doesn't think there is any point as whatever you do as a result of that knowledge won't change her mind.

System

thorsoak wrote: »

Remember the words of Jonathan Livingston Seagull "If you love someone, set them free; if they come back, they're yours. If they don't, they never were".

I so agree with this.

System

MrsDanvers wrote: »

Remember the words of Jonathan Livingston Seagull "If you love someone, set them free; if they come back, they're yours. If they don't, they never were".

People are possessions now? what a load of trite anodyne claptrap.

Ok, shall we say:

"If you love someone, set their heart free to love again; if their love comes back to you, they truly love you. If they don't, they never did".

Is that better?

fairy_lights

MrsDanvers wrote: »

Remember the words of Jonathan Livingston Seagull "If you love someone, set them free; if they come back, they're yours. If they don't, they never were".

People are possessions now? what a load of trite anodyne claptrap.

I didn't read that quote as implying that people are possessions, I interpreted it as the exact opposite: you can't own someone and if they don't choose to be with you out of their own free will then they're not really "yours" in the sense of your loved one.

mgdavid

MrsDanvers wrote: »

Remember the words of Jonathan Livingston Seagull "If you love someone, set them free; if they come back, they're yours. If they don't, they never were".

People are possessions now? what a load of trite anodyne claptrap.

Thankyou for your carefully thought out and eloquently expressed opinion; if you haven't anything useful for the OP, why do you bother?

clara75

PaulAA wrote: »

In a nutshell, I think she is tired of me. Her application for a divorce was a shock to me: we haven't discussed this before.

This is the weird part about it all... are you one of those estranged couples who stopped communicating, or never really did? Going straight for divorce without even considering talking to your partner about it? That shows no consideration or respect for your life partner.

My first thought when I read your initial post was 'let go of her, it's not worth it'. Good luck!