Wife wants out, but I want to keep the family together. Advice needed

System

PaulAA wrote: »

We have not been blessed with children so. I call it a family, and there's no foul play. Call it a couple, or whatever you like.

Fair enough, I was just splitting hairs. I wish you well. :-)

ViolaLass

PaulAA wrote: »

All is not broken with our relationship; I've been providing her with a relative comfort - perhaps less so the emotional comfort.

You seem focused on the financial stability you've provided. I think you've missed the point.

My mother told my dad she was going to leave him once I finished school and yet, 6 years later, her leaving him took him by surprise (he'd done nothing to change since). I wonder whether you chose to ignore clues.

PaulAA_2

I know you can't buy love and happiness, but would a candle dinner or a even a stay at a posh hotel help soothe things?

CH27

PaulAA wrote: »

I know you can't buy love and happiness, but would a candle dinner or a even a stay at a posh hotel help soothe things?

No it probably wouldn't.
She's filed for divorce which is a huge step which she won't have taken lightly.

Let her go.

Mojisola

ViolaLass wrote: »

You seem focused on the financial stability you've provided. I think you've missed the point.

My mother told my dad she was going to leave him once I finished school and yet, 6 years later, her leaving him took him by surprise (he'd done nothing to change since). I wonder whether you chose to ignore clues.

From PaulAA's replies, I think you're right.

It's easy to understand a break-up when something serious happens - such as infidelity or violence - but many relationship die from a thousand cuts. When the one who wants the break-up tries to explain, their explanation sounds silly because each example is an insignificant event but the accumulation of years of 'trivial' events can damage a relationship beyond repair.

If the other side really can't understand what the problem is, there's no way of fixing things.

fairy_lights

PaulAA wrote: »

I know you can't buy love and happiness, but would a candle dinner or a even a stay at a posh hotel help soothe things?

I doubt a candle lit dinner would ever be enough to fix a broken marriage, that would be like sticking a plaster on a stab would

spirit

Have we got Kingslayer aka PaulAAA on this thread?

System

When a marriage is dead, its dead. Ok financial and emotional security might keep you together but your young, your wife is young. Why settle for second best?

LilElvis

PaulAA wrote: »

I know you can't buy love and happiness, but would a candle dinner or a even a stay at a posh hotel help soothe things?

You've already been told that other "grand gestures" such as a Facebook campaign are unlikely to work, and the same goes for this suggestion. This isn't about doing something nice to say sorry to your partner to make up for a minor tiff, it has long gone passed this point for your wife to have taken the steps she has.

You've asked before why she took the step of going to a solicitor and, having read your posts, I think I can understand why. You haven't listened, you still aren't listening to her and think that platitudes and gestures can mend the rift she sees in your relationship. Even though she has, literally, had it spelled out for you by a solicitor.

It's hard when you are facing the end of a relationship that you would like to continue, but without reciprocation of feelings then the only person you are going to hurt is yourself. It's time to let go.

thorsoak

If my OH needed to "soothe things" at critical times in our long relationship, he knew that it was the little things that mattered - things like cleaning the bathroom, bringing in the laundry from the line AND folding it; pushing around the vacuum cleaner - remembering it put it away; making a cup of coffee/tea/g & t just as I started to think "oh I could really murder a cup of coffee/tea/g& t ......

Not having to be asked or reminded about putting out the bins, remembering the names of my friends and when we intended to go out for a "girls night out", buying me a book that I said that I wanted to read, telling me I looked nice when I felt crap. Little things - not grand gestures - and telling me that he loved me.

PS: it wasn't one-sided - I'd do things for him too!