Wife wants out, but I want to keep the family together. Advice needed

Mojisola

PaulAA wrote: »

The utmost priority is keeping the family together.

That's your priority - it isn't your wife's.

Pollycat

PaulAA wrote: »

I don't find this comparison particularly insightful. Finding a new partner may have worked for you and many other people on this thread, but may not work for me and my wife.

But your wife thinks differently:

PaulAA wrote: »

She seems to believe that by leaving she'd be able to find a perfect and happy relationship.

PaulAA wrote: »

I like to think a relationship is like sharing a book. If you are not on the same page then there's no point in carrying on. But both can work towards being on the same page.

But only if both people want to work towards being on the same page - and from what you've posted, I'm not convinced that your wife wants to do that.

PaulAA wrote: »

Yes, I do keep both the relationship and the lawyers in my sights.

Sounds suspiciously like hedging your bets to me.

PaulAA wrote: »

The utmost priority is keeping the family together.

Mojisola has hit the nail on the head about this.

System

One thing that strikes me is that you keep saying you want to keep your 'family' together. Your family consists of you and your wife. Your wife seems to have made her mind up.

thorsoak

PaulAA wrote: »

I don't find this comparison particularly insightful. Finding a new partner may have worked for you and many other people on this thread, but may not work for me and my wife.

I like to think a relationship is like sharing a book. If you are not on the same page then there's no point in carrying on. But both can work towards being on the same page.

Yes, I do keep both the relationship and the lawyers in my sights.

The utmost priority is keeping the family together.

I worked at my marriage for 48 years - we had our good times, we had our bad times - but at no time did either of us tell the other that we longer wished to be married.

You keep referring to "the family" - who or what comprises your family within your marriage?

fairy_lights

As others have already said, it is strange that you keep referring to 'The Family', when there is no family, just you and your wife.
If there actually were children involved I could understand your desire to keep things together, but it's just the two of you and your relationship break up doesn't really affect anyone else. Talking about how your wife is breaking up the family by leaving you sounds slightly manipulative, like you are trying to make her feel guilty.

Person_one

fairy_lights wrote: »

As others have already said, it is strange that you keep referring to 'The Family', when there is no family, just you and your wife.

Its perfectly possible for a married couple to be a family, children aren't a requirement to use the term, it just doesn't seem to be the case here.

fairy_lights

Person_one wrote: »

Its perfectly possible for a married couple to be a family, children aren't a requirement to use the term, it just doesn't seem to be the case here.

I agree with you that a couple can be a family, I consider my OH as family and we're not even married. But to say that a couple splitting us is breaking up a family seems a very odd choice of phrase to me. Idk, maybe to the Op it does feel like his family is breaking up, but I've never heard of the break up of a relationship described that way before.

System

fairy_lights wrote: »

but I've never heard of the break up of a relationship described that way before.

no nor me. My family is my husband, children, grandchildren, parent.

If it was just me and my husband I'd say my marriage.

Maybe I'm just splitting hairs .....

whitewing

Maybe his wife is pregnant?

Perhaps it is more his 'future family' and his existing wife is part of that?

I too think it is strange to use family, but it may not be so strange if we knew the OP.

PaulAA_2

We have not been blessed with children so. I call it a family, and there's no foul play. Call it a couple, or whatever you like.