Finding a compromise? Any tips?!

Person_one

meer53 wrote: »

I'm not criticising, but i had a traumatic pregnancy and birth too. Resulting in my daughter being in an incubator in the NICU for 5 weeks after her birth. She was premature. I stayed in hospital with her. She is a perfectly healthy 14 year old now. Her Father left us when she was 2 years old for someone else. Every single day, i am grateful for how my life has turned out, it could have been so very, very different.

I am lucky that i am the sort of person who can look forwards and not back at everything that happened to me. If i constantly did that it would make me ill.

Lifes too short to sweat the small stuff.

If the OP has diagnosed PTSD, then this is actually very offensive.

welfayre

Just read through this all and think your OH needs to grow up tbh.

Would it have been that difficult for him to have woken the OP up and asked if she wanted to just stay in bed and if so did she mind if he went to X? The fact that he didn't even leave a note suggests he's either very thoughtless or just doesn't give a !!!!.

He's a husband and a father and his priorities should be to his wife and child first and foremost. Simple as that.

lostinrates

Tbf not everyone is a 'go with the flow' type of person. I don't think we all have to be the same type of person to achieve contentment. ( edit, this is in reply to mee r)


Nanu, I'm withholding my opinion because I think you've had plenty.

What I would say is as you have expressed that your opinion is that others opinions here have been less than helpful and that , apologies for paraphrasing, this 'isn't a good place for you' I would, in your shoes consider ceasing to respond here.

CH27

meer53 wrote: »

I'm not criticising, but i had a traumatic pregnancy and birth too. Resulting in my daughter being in an incubator in the NICU for 5 weeks after her birth. She was premature. I stayed in hospital with her. She is a perfectly healthy 14 year old now. Her Father left us when she was 2 years old for someone else. Every single day, i am grateful for how my life has turned out, it could have been so very, very different.

I am lucky that i am the sort of person who can look forwards and not back at everything that happened to me. If i constantly did that it would make me ill.

How other people perceive me doesn't worry me, and i don't worry about other people and how they live their lives. Even members of my own family, some of whom have decided to be the most obnoxious people to be around. If you struggle to accept the way your OH is, do something about it. Try just accepting it.

Lifes too short to sweat the small stuff.

Well whoopy doo for you!
PTSD can strike anyone & anytime & is very difficult to get over.

meer53

CH27 wrote: »

Well whoopy doo for you!
PTSD can strike anyone & anytime & is very difficult to get over.

I never said it wasn't. I never mentioned PTSD ?

meer53

Person_one wrote: »

If the OP has diagnosed PTSD, then this is actually very offensive.

Again, i never mentioned the OP's PTSD.

NANU didn't find it offensive, why do you ?

notanewuser

meer53 wrote: »

But you're allowing other people to affect your daily life. You live with your OH, not his family, forget about them and how they behave. Do whats right for you and your family, don't spend days stressing about when they come to visit or what plans may or may not be suitable. If you relaxed a little bit and just went with the flow life would be much easier for you, and your OH. He obviously doesn't worry too much about it !

If people have to sleep on floors or amuse themselves whilst you spend time with your daughter, so be it. If i have people who want to come and stay and they have to sleep on my sofa, and i have to feed them whatever is in my cupboards, or they have to feed themselves, thats how it is. They can take it or leave it. They keep coming so it's obviously not an issue for them !

Once you've mastered this, teach your OH

Am I speaking Chinese? THEY HAVE NO IMPACT ON OUR DAILY LIFE BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT PART OF IT. The stress only comes from us visiting them or their rare visits to us.

The problem here was DH's invitation without discussion and his refusal to consider the impact it would have I everything else. Thanks to some of the advice on this thread I was able to make him see my POV and he reassessed quite significantly. But it's small steps.

notanewuser

lostinrates wrote: »

Tbf not everyone is a 'go with the flow' type of person. I don't think we all have to be the same type of person to achieve contentment. ( edit, this is in reply to mee r)


Nanu, I'm withholding my opinion because I think you've had plenty.

What I would say is as you have expressed that your opinion is that others opinions here have been less than helpful and that , apologies for paraphrasing, this 'isn't a good place for you' I would, in your shoes consider ceasing to respond here.

Don't feel you must withhold your opinion. I'm interested in yours!

Peter333

notanewuser wrote: »

Yes, grrrrr in response to a chain of events and circumstances outlined. I don't use grrrr to signify anger, and yes, I was mildly frustrated at that time because of what was happening.

By your post ai assume that your front door is never locked, anyone you like can one and stay whenever they like with no arrangements necessary and that you go through life with a permanently cheery disposition.

I grrrrred when DH put the wrong girl in my car, because it was hassle to sort out and something I could have done without. I grrrred when some idiot drive into my perfectly parked car. I grrrrred when a delivery driver left a parcel in the garden in the pouring rain rather than leaving it with a neighbour. I use it to signify mild annoyance, not unbridled rage!

When it IS unbridled rage; is it more like GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! :rotfl:

Sorry NANU, just trying to lighten the mood a bit as I feel you're getting a bit of a raw deal on this thread.

Hope you get it sorted soon. As someone said earlier in the thread, extended families can sometimes be a challenge.

Hope it works out for you.

CH27

notanewuser wrote: »

Am I speaking Chinese? THEY HAVE NO IMPACT ON OUR DAILY LIFE BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT PART OF IT. The stress only comes from us visiting them or their rare visits to us.

The problem here was DH's invitation without discussion and his refusal to consider the impact it would have I everything else. Thanks to some of the advice on this thread I was able to make him see my POV and he reassessed quite significantly. But it's small steps.

Keep calm lovely.