Finding a compromise? Any tips?!

Georgiegirl256

notanewuser wrote: »

Means you can just grab a set without having to go through looking for the right sized sheets etc.

I think I will be adopting that method from now on. I like to be organised!

notanewuser

I'm not particularly house proud (just as well given the destruction caused by 6 3 and 4 year olds last weekend!) but have always done this. My airing cupboard is probably the tidiest bit of my house!

meer53

notanewuser wrote: »

Means you can just grab a set without having to go through looking for the right sized sheets etc.

How do you know which are double, single or king sized ?

notanewuser

meer53 wrote: »

How do you know which are double, single or king sized ?

We don't have the same patterns on every bed..........

We have DD's single bedding (pillowcase with duvet cover and single fitted sheet folded inside). Our double beds get a pillowcase with king sized duvet cover, double fitted sheet and 3 more pillowcases folded inside). Superking beds have a pillowcase with superking duvet, superking fitted sheet and 5 more pillowcases inside). If the pattern doesn't give away which bed its for, the size of the "parcel" does! :rotfl:

The sets get washed together so it's impossible to end up with a superking duvet, single sheet and 2 extra pillowcases.

FBaby

This episode over the birthday seems to be yet another instance when you got yourself at logheads. I can imagine him wanting to spend every last minute with his parents, and taking you asking to take DD to nursery that morning as done deliberately to use his plans above. If indeed, you always take DD to nursery, I can see how he would make this assumption considering the status of your relationship. It can't be the first time you felt knackered.

Then I can imagine him thinking that you were faking sleeping for all these hours, got !!!!ed off and thought in that case, he wouldn't waste his time and go enjoy himself.

The problem is that when you get into a vicious circle of resentment, you assume that all your partner's thoughts and actions are deliberate against you. This attitude then serves the purpose of proving to yourself that you are right in thinking they are thoughtless and selfish.

I was stuck in a such a pattern in my previous relationship and ultimately it destroyed it. Every was interpretated to suit my justification that my ex was doing everything wrong and therefore that I control everything. Many things he did were wrong, but then it probably became a self-fulfilling prothecy.

I can really see the above now that I am with someone who I trust 100% that he would never do anything to upset me. Yet he still does things occasionally that I could labelled as thoughtless. The last one was actually last week-end. It uspet me at the time, but I know that there was no malice of thoughtfulness behind it. I told him it upset me but without going all guns out, he gave me a big hug and said he was sorry, and I moved on. In my previous relationship, it would have gone totally differently. I would have made a much bigger deal of it which would have put him in a defensive mode rather than apologetic one, that would have got me even more annoyed, probably even angry, and I would have been in a mood for hours, which would have put him in a mood too, ultimately, leading us to question our relationship.

I feel in all your posts that this where you stand in your marriage and that it is slowly killing your relationship. You say you still love him and I'm sure you do, but love is not just a noun that expresses a feeling, it is also a verrb that expresses an action. I think there is very little left of the latter on both sides.

notanewuser

We weren't/aren't at loggerheads over my birthday. As I say, I didn't expect bells and whistles. And I don't consider going out for several hours without so much as a text acceptable either, birthday or not.

He does the nursery run once a week on average I suppose. If spending every minute with his parents was important then I'm not sure why he ignored them for several hours the evening of DD's birthday in favour of the neighbours, or why he put them out in the annexe which meant that they went to bed when the children did! I went back to bed for an hour. He apparently came up at lunchtime and before he went and found me fast asleep.

meer53

I'm with FBaby, your resentment towards your OH and his family is deafening. You may not agree but to anyone reading your posts, it's obvious.

If you can't let this go, your relationship is doomed.

victory

I agree,it really is murky waters, you did this, you said that, I felt this way, you upset me when, every single little thing is thought about, remembered, dragged up never forgotten or forgiven so now as it has been said everything has a second meaning to it and will be seen in a negative way, a sort of expecting way as last time this and that happened so this time it will be the same, so much unresolved issues that never got cleared up completely the relationship suffers because of it....

Write down what really bugs the hell out of you ,when it happened, how many times you let it go unresolved, how much resentment and anger you have towards the situation, how often it happened again and talk about it to your OH, put everything out there, make it your purpose to be understood and for it never happen again, it will make your life easier.

thorsoak

I just wonder what the procedure will be next year - for DD's birthday and for your birthday?

notanewuser

Dammit. Just lost a huge reply. Grrrrrr. Will be back shortly.......