Finding a compromise? Any tips?!

CH27

notanewuser wrote: »

I don't think its deliberate.

Has he always behaved like this on your birthday?

notanewuser

CH27 wrote: »

Has he always behaved like this on your birthday?

He went all out for my 30th. (This was my 37th.)

Nicki

Why did you say repeatedly throughout the thread that "I don't really celebrate my birthday" and "I don't do anything special on my birthday" of you were in fact expecting it to be celebrated in the normal way with a card present and some pampering from your husband?

Given that you also say "we don't celebrate Christmas" and have given descriptions of how Christmas Day is a regular day in your household, if I were your husband and were being told by you that you also didn't celebrate your birthday, I'm not sure I would understand that you wanted a bit more than a card on the day.

Don't get me wrong, if my own husband didn't mark my birthday in the normal way I'd be as upset as you say you are but that's because I have never taken the "I don't celebrate birthdays" line so the expectations are clear on both sides.

If you are honest with yourself, did your husband know that you would have welcomed a gift and some special treatment on the day, and that you were expecting this? If he did know, then failing to provide it is a deliberate act and something to be hurt over. If he didn't know and it has never been expected in the past or a regular part of your lives (landmark birthdays are always a bit different) then why is this year different from previous years?

HPoirot

nanu - apols for butting in - but if my OH constantly took me for granted then all but forgot about my birthday while fawning over others - be they his parents or the Almighty - he would be knowing what I thought of him - possibly while ducking some china aimed at his head. It wouldn't do to be making excuses for his thoughtlessness then erupt once in a while against others when they seem to upset your plans. It's easy to gloss over little things and make excuses for an easy life, but as you found out these little things grow into major events over time.

notanewuser

Nicki wrote: »

Why did you say repeatedly throughout the thread that "I don't really celebrate my birthday" and "I don't do anything special on my birthday" of you were in fact expecting it to be celebrated in the normal way with a card present and some pampering from your husband?

Given that you also say "we don't celebrate Christmas" and have given descriptions of how Christmas Day is a regular day in your household, if I were your husband and were being told by you that you also didn't celebrate your birthday, I'm not sure I would understand that you wanted a bit more than a card on the day.

Don't get me wrong, if my own husband didn't mark my birthday in the normal way I'd be as upset as you say you are but that's because I have never taken the "I don't celebrate birthdays" line so the expectations are clear on both sides.

If you are honest with yourself, did your husband know that you would have welcomed a gift and some special treatment on the day, and that you were expecting this? If he did know, then failing to provide it is a deliberate act and something to be hurt over. If he didn't know and it has never been expected in the past or a regular part of your lives (landmark birthdays are always a bit different) then why is this year different from previous years?

Where did I say I expected a gift or any sort of pampering? I was exhausted the night before and asked if he could do the school run. He said no, because he wanted to spend time with his parents, and because I'd have to get up to help get her ready anyway, so I may as well take her. I hadn't the energy for an argument so I got up early to get myself ready before getting DD up.

I woke up at about 4pm to an empty house because DH had gone out. No note, no text, nothing. The activity he'd gone to do meant he wasn't with his phone. He eventually rang back and told me where he was but when I asked if he could pick up a takeaway on his way home he said no as he'd arranged some work.

We've had discussions in the past that I don't expect fuss but cards are important to me and take little effort. I didn't expect to be abandoned on my birthday!

Incidentally he chose his birthday present in September (January birthday) and its already bought and upstairs ready.

As an aside, as your sole purpose on my threads is to accuse and antagonise me, Nicki, I'm going to be utilising the ignore function from now on.

peachyprice

ScarletRibbons wrote: »

What's a "countdown thingy"?

One of these

http://www.tickerfactory.com/ezticker/ticker_designer.php?type=5

peachyprice

notanewuser wrote: »

I put sets inside a pillowcase from each set

Oooh I like that idea, I never thought of that.

Georgiegirl256

peachyprice wrote: »

Oooh I like that idea, I never thought of that.

That is a good idea actually! I'd never thought of doing that, but it appeals to me as it'll be all neat and organised.

notanewuser

Means you can just grab a set without having to go through looking for the right sized sheets etc.

peachyprice

notanewuser wrote: »

Means you can just grab a set without having to go through looking for the right sized sheets etc.

And solves one of the eternal mysteries of life: If you put a bedding set in the airing cupboard in the same pile how does is get spread over every shelf when you're looking for it :rotfl:

Must make for a very tidy airing cupboard too :T