Finding a compromise? Any tips?!

gettingtheresometime

CH27 wrote: »

Oooooo I didn't know NANU had been ppr'd

hells bells

peachyprice

Spendless wrote: »

I'm still here and have never been in bother.:p

I'm intrigued, was it a countdown to something controversial?

Not at all, a big birthday.

Apparently those countdown thingys they have on other fora are banned here, I must have missed the sentence that told you so.

Maybe NANU had a link to a certain kitchen person, probably one of her inlaws! :rotfl:

ScarletRibbons

What's a "countdown thingy"?

lulu_92

ScarletRibbons wrote: »

What's a "countdown thingy"?

I believe that's the technical term for a round on the afternoon game show presented by Nick Hewer.

notanewuser

I'm back! Just a temporary PPR. Don't think I'll be around as much going forward as I don't think this is always a great place for me.

CH27 wrote: »

How did you resolve it in the end NANU?

Hmmmmm.

Well, I made it very clear to DH that he would have to pull his weight if he wanted his family to be able to come whenever. My parents had DD overnight one night and we sorted out one bedroom in the house, drew up a list of everything that needed doing and split the jobs. I bought the party food but nothing for any other meals (except milk and juice) for breakfast. We went away to the theme park and had a brilliant (if exhausting) time. On DD's birthday her friends arrived and she was so pleased to see the mall that she wasn't interested in cards and presents - in fact she's still only opened a handful! They played beautifully together. DH wanted to wait for his parents to arrive before doing the cake, which I said was okay. Unfortunately they arrived 2 hours later than they said they would (and neither rang nor answered the phone :mad:) which meant that by the time we did cut the cake all the kids were tired, and the sugar rush had them all out in the garden running around like mad things!

It got quite late and everyone was still there, so DH lit the outdoor fire pit and the kids toasted marshmallows (under very close supervision). FIL absolutely refused to let our oldest niece to go outside, which resulted in a huge tantrum from her. They were snuffling round for something to feed the kids and I told them they were welcome to sandwiches but there was nothing else. Our friends started to leave at around 7:30pm at which point they started asking about sleeping arrangements. I told them to speak to DH who was genuinely surprised that he needed to do anything. He then expected me to go and get out the bedding etc for him. (I put sets inside a pillowcase from each set so it wasn't like he'd have to wade through looking for anything).

Next day I got asked (by DH) what I was cooking for lunch. I repeated that the agreement was that he would arrange all of that, and apart from sandwich stuff there was nothing in the house. We went out to a local carvery for lunch.

I had hoped DH would do the school run on my birthday but he refused because he wanted to spend time with his parents before they left. They left at about 9:30am and I went back to bed. Didn't intend to but I slept all day. DH saw that as an opportunity to sneak out to do one of his hobbies for the evening. I even had to go out myself to get a takeaway because he arranged to do some work when he got back. So it wasn't a great day. Pretty sure I only got a card because I sent him to the shop for something. Not feeling great about that, to be honest.

notanewuser

lulu_92 wrote: »

I believe that's the technical term for a round on the afternoon game show presented by Nick Hewer.

:rotfl: not quite. There are sites that will
Make you an electronic countdown thing for an event or something like that. Then you can paste the link in your sig. MSE doesn't like links in sigs though, hence the PPR.

FBaby

So ultimately you did manage to compromise very much as had been suggested in many posts and do all the heartache and energy arguing could have been totally avoided in the first place! Many Lessons To be learnt that it is not worth bring so angry about things that do have quite straight forward solutions and that you can get your hubby to do things if your just tell him so rather than getting on with it yourself and then resenting him for it.

Bit puzzled about your birthday though. Did he get the hump because of your suggestion he drop daughter to nursery? Did he offer to do so after saying good bye to his family but insisted she needed to be there earlier hence having to do it yourself? Unless there was more aggravation then leading to annoyance I can't see how your hubby could consider giving you so little attention on your birthday acceptable.

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

So ultimately you did manage to compromise very much as had been suggested in many posts and do all the heartache and energy arguing could have been totally avoided in the first place! Many Lessons To be learnt that it is not worth bring so angry about things that do have quite straight forward solutions and that you can get your hubby to do things if your just tell him so rather than getting on with it yourself and then resenting him for it.

Bit puzzled about your birthday though. Did he get the hump because of your suggestion he drop daughter to nursery? Did he offer to do so after saying good bye to his family but insisted she needed to be there earlier hence having to do it yourself? Unless there was more aggravation then leading to annoyance I can't see how your hubby could consider giving you so little attention on your birthday acceptable.

It's a school nursery so she has to be there between 8:50-9:00am. I think his parents had said they were going to leave at 9:30am. He's have been back from the school run by 9:10am but that wasn't good enough apparently. There was no aggravation or annoyance. He's just particularly thoughtless.

He also invited some of the neighbours over for beer and cake around the fire in the evening. First I knew was when they appeared in the kitchen. Which meant that he was outside with them and ignoring his parents!

CH27

notanewuser wrote: »

I'm back! Just a temporary PPR. Don't think I'll be around as much going forward as I don't think this is always a great place for me.





Hmmmmm.

Well, I made it very clear to DH that he would have to pull his weight if he wanted his family to be able to come whenever. My parents had DD overnight one night and we sorted out one bedroom in the house, drew up a list of everything that needed doing and split the jobs. I bought the party food but nothing for any other meals (except milk and juice) for breakfast. We went away to the theme park and had a brilliant (if exhausting) time. On DD's birthday her friends arrived and she was so pleased to see the mall that she wasn't interested in cards and presents - in fact she's still only opened a handful! They played beautifully together. DH wanted to wait for his parents to arrive before doing the cake, which I said was okay. Unfortunately they arrived 2 hours later than they said they would (and neither rang nor answered the phone :mad:) which meant that by the time we did cut the cake all the kids were tired, and the sugar rush had them all out in the garden running around like mad things!

It got quite late and everyone was still there, so DH lit the outdoor fire pit and the kids toasted marshmallows (under very close supervision). FIL absolutely refused to let our oldest niece to go outside, which resulted in a huge tantrum from her. They were snuffling round for something to feed the kids and I told them they were welcome to sandwiches but there was nothing else. Our friends started to leave at around 7:30pm at which point they started asking about sleeping arrangements. I told them to speak to DH who was genuinely surprised that he needed to do anything. He then expected me to go and get out the bedding etc for him. (I put sets inside a pillowcase from each set so it wasn't like he'd have to wade through looking for anything).

Next day I got asked (by DH) what I was cooking for lunch. I repeated that the agreement was that he would arrange all of that, and apart from sandwich stuff there was nothing in the house. We went out to a local carvery for lunch.

I had hoped DH would do the school run on my birthday but he refused because he wanted to spend time with his parents before they left. They left at about 9:30am and I went back to bed. Didn't intend to but I slept all day. DH saw that as an opportunity to sneak out to do one of his hobbies for the evening. I even had to go out myself to get a takeaway because he arranged to do some work when he got back. So it wasn't a great day. Pretty sure I only got a card because I sent him to the shop for something. Not feeling great about that, to be honest.

Have you talked to him about how hurt you?
I would be considering a future with my OH if he treated me with such disregard.

notanewuser

CH27 wrote: »

Have you talked to him about how hurt you?
I would be considering a future with my OH if he treated me with such disregard.

I don't think its deliberate.