Finding a compromise? Any tips?!

Marisco

notanewuser wrote: »

No, I still wouldn't. It wasn't the plan to have family at DD's tea party. Accommodating them that weekend means sacrificing a lot.

The issue is with DH's inability to see that.

And if he can't see it, then he can't see it, and whatever you say is not going to make a jot of difference! So you can either give in or dig in. Your kid's 4, my kids are 40 and 45, and if I asked them what we did on their 4th birthday they wouldn't have a clue!! Makes me wonder who this birthday shindig is really for!

millysg1

Marisco wrote: »

And if he can't see it, then he can't see it, and whatever you say is not going to make a jot of difference! So you can either give in or dig in. Your kid's 4, my kids are 40 and 45, and if I asked them what we did on their 4th birthday they wouldn't have a clue!! Makes me wonder who this birthday shindig is really for!

Well lets not forget it IS the OPs birthday as well/

thorsoak

I'm out of here .....getting boring now!

OP - I do hope you have a wonderful birthday, that you've micromanaged DD's birthday into a cocked-hat ...and that somewhere along the line, your OH is able to participate in both. Have a wonderful time, whatever eventually happens .

jenhug

I think Hubby is in the wrong here.

He needs to realise that if it wasn't for the fact the in laws have potential building work going on, they wouldn't even have considered coming to visit that weekend, so any discussions regarding grandparents missing their granddaughters birthday is invalid.

While its unfortunate that you are unable to accommodate them that weekend you will look forward to seeing them for fireworks in November.

If they can't stay at their house during building work, I am sure they live in close proximity to a travelodge or premier inn, which makes far more sense to be nearby in case of issues with said building work.

notanewuser

thorsoak wrote: »

I'm out of here .....getting boring now!

OP - I do hope you have a wonderful birthday, that you've micromanaged DD's birthday into a cocked-hat ...and that somewhere along the line, your OH is able to participate in both. Have a wonderful time, whatever eventually happens .

Micromanaged her birthday? I wasn't even going to decide where it would be until the day before!!!! :rotfl:

notanewuser

Marisco wrote: »

And if he can't see it, then he can't see it, and whatever you say is not going to make a jot of difference! So you can either give in or dig in. Your kid's 4, my kids are 40 and 45, and if I asked them what we did on their 4th birthday they wouldn't have a clue!! Makes me wonder who this birthday shindig is really for!

It's not a shindig. Its a playmate with her best friends and a cake. !!!!!!.

Nicki

The way things are going the compromise in the future is going to be that OP's husband sees his family whenever he likes in the nice home he can afford on his well paid consultancy rate and the OP accommodates her parents furniture in whatever sized home she can afford on her share of the equity in the former matrimonial home! I certainly wouldn't put up with my spouse trying to prevent my family from visiting in our shared home nor would I prevent his family coming whenever he would like, and in a lot of families this level of manipulation and discord would end up as a marriage breaker.

Marisco

notanewuser wrote: »

It's not a shindig. Its a playmate with her best friends and a cake. !!!!!!.

So stop making such a bloody fuss then! You have been given - in ten pages - plenty of ideas on what to do, it seems you just want your oh to go along with whatever you want, and from what you say that is not going to happen.

notanewuser

Nicki wrote: »

The way things are going the compromise in the future is going to be that OP's husband sees his family whenever he likes in the nice home he can afford on his well paid consultancy rate and the OP accommodates her parents furniture in whatever sized home she can afford on her share of the equity in the former matrimonial home! I certainly wouldn't put up with my spouse trying to prevent my family from visiting in our shared home nor would I prevent his family coming whenever he would like, and in a lot of families this level of manipulation and discord would end up as a marriage breaker.

WTAF?

So I should be a doormat??

I may ring tomorrow and say that I'm going up there on Wednesday, and that I expect to stay with them, for them to alter whatever plans they've made for the week and make sure they have the grub in. I'll see how I feel on Tuesday as to whether I turn up or not. That would be fine, right?

Frankly, if DH wants them there so much HE can be the one to sort it all out. Why should I drop everything?!

notanewuser

Marisco wrote: »

So stop making such a bloody fuss then! You have been given - in ten pages - plenty of ideas on what to do, it seems you just want your oh to go along with whatever you want, and from what you say that is not going to happen.

I don't know what is going to happen yet. He's waiting on his parents to "let him know". I've told him the reasons why them coming another weekend would be preferable, and demonstrated how all of the other commitments we've already made affect that weekend, and that I won't be able to sort out rooms etc for it. The rest is up to him.

I have never, and would never, invite a large number of my family to come and stay without discussing it first, especially if I didn't intend to pull my weight to enable it to happen. I think he sees that.

(I'm not actually making a fuss. All is calm here!)