Finding a compromise? Any tips?!

FBaby

notanewuser wrote: »

I have no idea what he thinks. He's incapable of giving me any explanation at all. I suspect he thinks they can all sleep in the uncurtained living room, like some kind of refugee camp.

really, would they be happy with that? I supposed the issue with the hotel is also the costs. Maybe they trully can't afford it, even for one night for all of them after the cost of travelling?

balletshoes

notanewuser wrote: »

Do you mean DH's family?

I suppose that's an option. Can't imagine they'd go for it, but it's an option.

yes, your DH's family .

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

really, would they be happy with that? I supposed the issue with the hotel is also the costs. Maybe they trully can't afford it, even for one night for all of them after the cost of travelling?

They're not poor. Not by any means. They are tight, but not poor.

FBaby

Don't get you.

Sorry I wasn't clear indeed. What I was trying to say is that you use the rationale that you don't expect something from them so they shouldn't expect from you, but I am getting that OH don't see this as a good reason. For example, my parents always cook when we go to visit them, but when they come here, well, they insist on cooking too

FBaby

They're not poor. Not by any means. They are tight, but not poor.

Same outcome

notanewuser

Nicki wrote: »

Posts 10 and. 37 are interesting read together with post 140

I think this thread is like all the others. There will never be a compromise or solution to the problem because each time one is offered the facts will change and shift to mean that can't happen. Just like the clothes in the bedroom which the husband would have to ask where he should put it has suddenly become wall to floor furniture which up until post 140 was according to the OP all in the garage!

:huh: What are you struggling to understand? The substantial furniture is in the garage. The drawers from the units, and their contents are in the bedrooms, along with a lot of clothing on hanging rails. We needed so much floorspace for it all that we had to put the beds on their sides.

If DH was going to attempt to clear the rooms he'd have to check with me/my parents what was suitable to go into the unheated garage etc.

notanewuser

balletshoes wrote: »

heres the thing about that - although its clearly a distasteful thought to you, thats more or less what my siblings and their kids do when they come to visit my sister nearer to me - depending on how many are descending, there may be a bed for my mum and one of my siblings, but everyone else is on blow-up beds or sleeping bags on the floor (or out in the tent if its the middle of summer and the weather is good). They've always done that, no-one thinks anything of it, they just get on with it .
If your family are sleeping in one living room with no curtains (assuming this is a 2nd living area?) then at least they are out of the way when asleep - at my sister's house there are bodies sleeping in just about every room of the house :rotfl:.

It's the only living room. Not really convenient when they want to go to bed at 9pm! But yes, I suppose it's an option.

CH27

Why don't you just admit that you never want them to darken your door again :rotfl:

theoretica

notanewuser wrote: »

It's the only living room. Not really convenient when they want to go to bed at 9pm! But yes, I suppose it's an option.

Sounds a fine option to me - especially as you think they won't actually turn up!

thorsoak

CH27 wrote: »

Why don't you just admit that you never want them to darken your door again :rotfl:

It is pretty obvious, isn't it? OP you've admitted in Post 113, that you've never forgiven them for what happened four years ago "He genuinely doesn't get it. It doesn't matter how gently or positively I raise the subject, he becomes defensive and aggressive and then shuts down completely. (He's never forgiven me for not letting them stay immediately after DD's (extremely traumatic - I still have PTSD) birth, despite them saying FOR MONTHS that they would stay in a hotel. I've never forgiven them for asking.)"