Finding a compromise? Any tips?!

FBaby

The way you describe it, having them staying in the rooms seems impossible, so why does he forsee to be the solution for them to stay? Surely he has thought of it? Unless he thinks that things could all be moved in one bedroom to free the others?

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

I can totally see it from your perspective, I too would much prefer to have a good friend that I get along great with staying over, then demanding unappreciating in-laws, but that doesn't take away the fact that it comes across as if your OH finds it acceptable that a friend of his wife is more important to please than his family. We go back to his perspective in terms of what message HE is giving to his family and that due to issues between him and them, he is being very tense about the whole situation.

Totally agree with GTS, I think that if you are here asking about ideas to compromise, it is because there are none that would be acceptable for either of you, so compromising needs to become 'I do it for you this time, you do it for me next'.

She's good friends with us both. The child is like a sibling to DD. We invited them weeks ago and there's no way either of us is going to say that they can't come and stay because DH's family may or may not bother coming down. They may be blood relatives but they don't act like it!

If they want to invite themselves last minute, they should be prepared to stay in a hotel, as we do. We don't exoect or demand that their spare rooms get cleared out for us - and we're up there about 10x more regularly than they come here!

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

The way you describe it, having them staying in the rooms seems impossible, so why does he forsee to be the solution for them to stay? Surely he has thought of it? Unless he thinks that things could all be moved in one bedroom to free the others?

I have no idea what he thinks. He's incapable of giving me any explanation at all. I suspect he thinks they can all sleep in the uncurtained living room, like some kind of refugee camp.

FBaby

If they want to invite themselves last minute, they should be prepared to stay in a hotel, as we do. We don't exoect or demand that their spare rooms get cleared out for us - and we're up there about 10x more regularly than they come here!

You say 'we' but surely it isn't so otherwise you wouldn't be arguing on the matter?

balletshoes

notanewuser wrote: »

She's good friends with us both. The child is like a sibling to DD. We invited them weeks ago and there's no way either of us is going to say that they can't come and stay because DH's family may or may not bother coming down. They may be blood relatives but they don't act like it!

If they want to invite themselves last minute, they should be prepared to stay in a hotel, as we do. We don't exoect or demand that their spare rooms get cleared out for us - and we're up there about 10x more regularly than they come here!

how would it be if your family stayed in a hotel for the Friday night, until you guys get back from your overnight trip on Thurs/Friday, and then if they're happy to sleep on the floor at yours rather than in beds in a hotel, they stay with you Saturday and Sunday?

notanewuser

Nicki wrote: »

Things don't have to be perfect for visiting family and they don't have to be waited on hand and foot. The OP's husband is probably exasperated at the fuss being made over this.

Sorry, what fuss? He told me they wanted to come down. I explained why that weekend wasn't a good idea. He offered them 3 weekends later (without explaining any issues with the original weekend), they're going to "let us know". There's no fuss being made.

notanewuser

balletshoes wrote: »

how would it be if your family stayed in a hotel for the Friday night, until you guys get back from your overnight trip on Thurs/Friday, and then if they're happy to sleep on the floor at yours rather than in beds in a hotel, they stay with you Saturday and Sunday?

Do you mean DH's family?

I suppose that's an option. Can't imagine they'd go for it, but it's an option.

Nicki

Posts 10 and. 37 are interesting read together with post 140

I think this thread is like all the others. There will never be a compromise or solution to the problem because each time one is offered the facts will change and shift to mean that can't happen. Just like the clothes in the bedroom which the husband would have to ask where he should put it has suddenly become wall to floor furniture which up until post 140 was according to the OP all in the garage!

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

You say 'we' but surely it isn't so otherwise you wouldn't be arguing on the matter?

Don't get you.

balletshoes

notanewuser wrote: »

I have no idea what he thinks. He's incapable of giving me any explanation at all. I suspect he thinks they can all sleep in the uncurtained living room, like some kind of refugee camp.

heres the thing about that - although its clearly a distasteful thought to you, thats more or less what my siblings and their kids do when they come to visit my sister nearer to me - depending on how many are descending, there may be a bed for my mum and one of my siblings, but everyone else is on blow-up beds or sleeping bags on the floor (or out in the tent if its the middle of summer and the weather is good). They've always done that, no-one thinks anything of it, they just get on with it .
If your family are sleeping in one living room with no curtains (assuming this is a 2nd living area?) then at least they are out of the way when asleep - at my sister's house there are bodies sleeping in just about every room of the house :rotfl:.