How often do you see your (adult) children when they're not living with you?

kpwll

Our daughter and 2 grandsons live across the street from us, son still lives at home (saving for a deposit). We help with the boys after school & in the holidays/ sickness, while our daughter is working and see or speak/txt to her at least once a day, unless her and I have had a disagreement, typical mother/daughter, which tends to blow over quickly.
I really miss them all if I don't see them although the peace and quiet is lovely at times.

katsu

Over 4 hours drive one way so I see thema few times a year but speak several times a week, pretty much most days but not every day.

balletshoes

when I lived near my parents (ie around 15 minutes drive away, or an hour on the bus) I used to visit them a couple of times a week, and we'd usually meet up somewhere over the weekend too. The visits were sometimes a "drop-in" visit, maybe an hour for a coffee, sometimes for a meal, so we'd stay longer.

My sister and brother still live near my mum, and they do the same thing now.

I live about 6 hours drive from there now, but I drive "home" usually every second school holiday or so, stay in a hotel nearby, and will visit my mum every day in that time . We are always all together as a family at my mum's for Christmas day.

GoldenShadow

OH goes to see his Mum and Dad maybe once every three weeks? Live about half an hour away. His brother lives 15 mins away and goes once a week.

OH works shifts which doesn't help. His Mum often says oh you never come round, but she has only ever been here once in over two years. I'm of the opinion that if she was that bothered she could come here

noelphobic

GoldenShadow wrote: »

OH goes to see his Mum and Dad maybe once every three weeks? Live about half an hour away. His brother lives 15 mins away and goes once a week.

OH works shifts which doesn't help. His Mum often says oh you never come round, but she has only ever been here once in over two years. I'm of the opinion that if she was that bothered she could come here

I'm more than happy to go and visit my son, although I do generally wait to be invited, unless I'm just dropping something off. I don't get invited there very often though.

I am visiting him tomorrow for lunch. He has a day off work. It will be the first time I have seen him for 2 weeks so hoping we can have a trauma free visit.

I have written him a letter but won't be giving it to him tomorrow. I'm not sure if I will ever give it to him but writing things down has been cathartic.

duchy

I remember when I was on maternity leave my Dad ringing me up and complaining he hadn't seen his grandson "for nearly three days". I pointed out I had visited the day before and would be over the next day

He died very unexpectedly before my son was a year old so I'm thankful I did visit him and my Mum most days.

CH27

noelphobic wrote: »

I'm more than happy to go and visit my son, although I do generally wait to be invited, unless I'm just dropping something off. I don't get invited there very often though.

I am visiting him tomorrow for lunch. He has a day off work. It will be the first time I have seen him for 2 weeks so hoping we can have a trauma free visit.

I have written him a letter but won't be giving it to him tomorrow. I'm not sure if I will ever give it to him but writing things down has been cathartic.

I hope it goes well for you both.

I see my elderly dad about 3/4 times a week & speak to him daily.

shopaholicz

I'm 51 now and have visited different amounts over the years.

I didn't get on with my mum growing up, she was very difficult!! Falling out with every one all the time. I moved out at 16. Took me years to start visiting!

When both me and my mum were working full time she came for tea one night a week and I took her and my gran shopping at the weekend. Making twice a week.

Then when I had my first child I saw my gran daily as I used to care for her, and as my mum and my gran had then fallen out (and she wouldn't come to my house in case gran was there) I only saw her a couple of times a month. She never phoned or enquired about her only grandchild, it was down to me to keep contact.

Later on, long after gran had died, and mum was ill, I took to visiting 2-3 times a week. She then lived about 10 miles away. Like previous poster, my mum then died and I'm now glad I visited more often.

Mum was always a very, very difficult person to get along with, but I managed to keep channels open. I think I mostly did this so that my own children had a relationship with their gran and saw it as normal to visit (because I want a relationship with my grandchildren one day (hope not yet though, both of mine still at uni)).

I think you're right about the gender thing noelphobic. My daughter will talk and we go shopping together, son keeps everything close.

My advice is to just go with the flow, don't hassle him and don't set up the next visit as you leave. You can do that later on, which means you can have telephone contact to set up visit and the actual visit.

Is you son any better at talking on the phone or skype or emails? Could you involve the girlfriend in the next visit? That's hard to do I know if you're not that keen on her, but you're going to have to be the adult one here and maybe take responsibility to arrange the visits.

noelphobic

shopaholicz wrote: »

My advice is to just go with the flow, don't hassle him and don't set up the next visit as you leave. You can do that later on, which means you can have telephone contact to set up visit and the actual visit.

Is you son any better at talking on the phone or skype or emails? Could you involve the girlfriend in the next visit? That's hard to do I know if you're not that keen on her, but you're going to have to be the adult one here and maybe take responsibility to arrange the visits.

I wouldn't say that I'm not keen on his girlfriend. I don't know her that well. When I suggest going out for meals I always make it clear that she is welcome as well. Sometimes she comes, sometimes she doesn't. All I care about is that she makes him happy.

He's not really one for long conversations. Another generalisation I know, but I do think to some extent that it's a gender thing. In my experience girls phone to chat and boys phone to make arrangements. Not just with parents, but in general.

We do have something arranged for early October - my graduation ceremony in fact. I had considered cancelling that because of what's happened but hopefully that will go ahead.

shopaholicz

noelphobic, do you think it's just a phase he's going through? things may be completely different in the future as you say, maybe when he has children. just keep the lines open. Good luck.