Transgender help.

Hermia

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I can see that that is genuinely the stance you are coming from, ie of not wanting to upset anyone. It is clear you do feel that way.

The thing I am wondering is whether this whole issue might blow up in the face of the WI and blow the organisation apart in the long term if pursued. I hold no brief for the WI. I don't belong to them and don't even wish to belong to them, as I just don't share any interest in cakemaking/jam-making/etc, so wouldn't join, as I'd envisage not having much in common with them. I may have a totally wrong picture of the WI and it will obviously vary a lot according to the particular group concerned and I've certainly heard of a few very "non-traditional" groups (a certain calendar for instance;)).

It is something that I do wonder if it would go the same way as the Church of England and the female bishops debate has gone. I'm not a C. of E. person and I agree with having bishops of both sexes, but it was a hugely divisive issue to the C. of E. I can see (viewing as an outsider). I believe it went in favour of women being able to be bishops as well in the end?? and agree that that is the correct way to be.

I do have respect for the WI, however, despite having no wish whatsoever to join them and wonder what sort of effect raising an issue like this might have on such a respected institution, as its very clear that it might be something that might get raised by a few people determined to put a point over absolutely regardless of the welfare of the organisation as a whole.

Fighting for one person might result in a whole organisation suffering a heavy body blow and I fully appreciate that this wouldn't have been the deliberate intention at the outset by yourself.

If this were to blow up into a "national thing" (and there would be a few people who would actually want it to) then I can foresee the whole W.I. splintering apart and I think that would be a shame (even if the moneysaving part of me thinks "Perhaps I should lay a bet at the bookies now that in 10 years time IF...." that the whole WI could have split into 2 or 3 splinter groups).

(Yep...I'm in "Whats the future mode?" today and this is in my mind as a 10% chance some people will want to pursue their own agenda and use WI as a tool to do so - along with the "We will still be Britain come Friday - but it will be a close call").

The WI is actually a pretty diverse organisation. They have dealt with a lot of controversial issues and issues related to gender equality etc. There are several groups near me and some are very much cakes and knitting based, but some have challenging speakers and debates. I would actually be very surprised if WI HQ had not already considered the issues around transgender people.

JimmyTheWig

Flumina wrote: »

You cannot legally be a female and then a male whenever it suits you, that is simply cross-dressing, like Eddie Izzard.

Not quite sure what you're saying here. Are you saying that cross-dressing shouldn't be allowed? Or are you saying that the OP's partner can be a woman but dress as a man from time to time (in the same way that it is perfectly acceptable for Eddie Izzard to be a man but dress as a woman from time to time)?

If there was a Men's Institute, would they allow Eddie Izzard in? Even though he dresses as a woman from time to time? Of course they would. So the WI should let the OP's partner in, even if she dresses as a man from time to time.

JimmyTheWig

Carmina-Piranha wrote: »

Do they think that your partner changes from male to female frequently? I wonder if they actually know that the funeral was a one-off, and whether that might make a difference.

I wondered that.
Maybe they thought that he _is_ a man (not an unreasonable assumption, if that's what his family believe) but "dresses up as a woman" to try and trick the WI.

But that was before I read the OP's subsequent post, when I assumed that the competition meeting was the first meeting after the funeral.

Now I've realised that for some months after the funeral the WI have still accepted this women in their ranks. They have been more open minded about it than many of us on this thread gave them credit for.
Am I right in thinking, then, that the only issue in those months has been with an overnight outing?
If that's the case then I think it should be perfectly reasonable to talk to them about it and establish exactly what the problem is.

Prejudice is wrong, but often comes out of ignorance. They've accepted her as a woman for the most part. They're not bad people. The chances are that this woman is the first trans-gendered person that they have (knowingly) met. Even with the best intensions we don't always get things right first time.

egoode

jhgkp wrote: »

Hello

Sorry I have not wrote before now as I am using my work computer, during lunch, to read this thread.

I want to say thank you to all you kind people. It is nice to know that I shouldn't be made to feel that all this is our fault. I am prepared to answer any questions they may have. I guess I have to wait to see what they want from us - her out or or in?

I was very touched that she came to my Mums funeral as her former self. But wonder why its took this long for someone to mention it - Mum died in February.

She has been to the gender clinic and is on the waiting list for surgery. But as someone said surgery doesn't make you who you are - I have now met a few transgender females who haven't had any but are lovely ladies.

Thank you once again for all your comments - I hope I haven't upset anyone - it has never been my intention here or in the outside world.

It does seem a bit odd this has come up so long after the funeral. My Dad is transgender and has been 'out' for about 2 years now and was always quite open to answering any questions people had about it. Maybe you just need to let everyone know if they have any questions you don't mind them asking. Although in my Dad's situation she lives in a small town where everyone knew her as a man initially so she did have to make an announcement about the change in name and gender. I also think having a speaker come along to a meeting could be a good option.

You could also contact the WI HQ and just ask if they have an official position on transgender people and the WI but not may be mention your specific situation as it may give you an idea if you will be supported by them or not if you aren't able to resolve it at a local level.

Also not sure if you are aware but I belong to an online group for family members of transgender people and is a place just for us to discuss our issues. There's also a partners one you might want to join and find out if any of them have gone through similar situations. The one I belong to is Depend Family and is a Yahoo! group, here's a link to the partners one if you are interested: https://uk.groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/Depend-MTF-partners/info

Edwardia

OP I would suggest contacting a transgender support group to get some support for yourself firstly, as the partner of someone transitioning.

In addition to the groups already mentioned there is The Beaumont Society which includes support for the partners and families of people transitioning or transgendered,

http://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/partners-and-families/

Stonewall, the major UK LGBT charity hasn't had a great rep re: trans people but the new CEO is determined to change that. Stonewall is doing a consultation with trans people on ways in which Stonewall needs to change and better help transitioning and transgendered people. https://www.stonewall.org.uk

My suggestion is, that if you talk to people and organisations first, you can empower yourself to deal with people like these WI biddies in the most effective manner.

Yeah, biddies is a tad harsh, but so is judging someone on the basis of gossip, some months after the funeral - without any sensitivity towards you as a bereaved person or sympathy for your partner being put into a really difficult situation, unexpectedly.

If you are both going to an event and staying overnight, then why is it any of the WI's business if you share a room with her ?

I would suggest contacting the WI too and I really don't think the organisation will splinter because of one transitioning woman !!

BrassicWoman

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

The thing I am wondering is whether this whole issue might blow up in the face of the WI and blow the organisation apart in the long term if pursued.

So what? Bigoted organisations *should* change or be eliminated. It;s not the OPs fault people are nasty nor should that be laid at her door!

Edwardia

I don't think for one moment that the WI would blow apart as an organisation not is it fair to put guilt on OP either.

People have the idea of the WI as being really old-fashioned and all about jam-making - which is why my mother and I refuse to join. So maybe the WI deserves to have a chance to change and show that it is forward-thinking.

CH27

The WI is made up of lots of different people, some lovely & some bigotted.
Each group has it's way of doing things so it's very unfair to judge the whole organisation on one group's actions.

moneyistooshorttomention

BrassicWoman wrote: »

So what? Bigoted organisations *should* change or be eliminated. It;s not the OPs fault people are nasty nor should that be laid at her door!

That rather proves my point, ie that some people will push their own agenda regardless and I don't think the WI deserves the risk of a possible schism.

lostinrates

Goodness me. Imagine if the words I were exchanged with transgender in the above posts.

OP states there is precedent for support of a transgender woman, hence the suggestion to look into this further, take advice. I also think I understand the wi women's confusion. It is confusing and possibly a little wrong footing to find something so big out about someone you thought you knew.