Transgender help.

z.n

I think I would be shocked if I suddenly realised that a woman I knew used to be male. I might feel a bit of a fool for not realising/embarrassed at some of the non-pc things I might have said/worried how to address the issue when next meeting. I would say an explanation to the ladies of the WI of the special circumstances and a very brief apology for any upset would go a long way - if not then perhaps this is not the group for OP. Give them a bit of time to get their heads together- they might just come good. It sounds like they do genuinely like OP partner as an individual so fingers crossed. Just a bit of consideration of their feelings might be all that is needed.

Being slightly acquainted with three transgender mtf , I must be honest and say I struggle with one because she is somewhat masculine in her behaviour. My instinct says 'man' so I am constantly self-censoring. It is much easier to relax when the person concerned is more clearly female- so I can easily see that switching between the two sexes would be unsettling. Understanding the situation might defuse any potential worry.

I also feel it is essential for OP to tell her OH so she is prepared in case there is awkwardness. While I sympathise with OP desire to protect her partner, her OH is an adult and deserves to know what has happened so they can agree a strategy together.

dandelionclock30

Op they sound like a right set of stiffs at the WI, I wouldnt be explaining anything you dont have to and neither does your partner.

moneyistooshorttomention

BrassicWoman wrote: »

Yes, that's exactly how it happens. "Whoops." Like coming home with ice cream when you meant to buy cake.

I would suggest you read some LGBTQ information to help you phrase things more appropriately. Because what you are writing here is very offensive.

Okay genuine question time here = "How would you phrase 'I married a member of one sex and then they decided to be the opposite sex instead' "?

Is there a way to phrase it that conveys exactly what is meant, but is phrased in a "politically correct" way? If there is, then I'll use that phrase instead in future.

moneyistooshorttomention

Tropez wrote: »

To be fair, I don't think she's prejudiced or necessarily ignorant, I just think she's guilty of very poor phrasing.

What she appears to mean is that just like she wouldn't share a bedroom with a man because it would be outside her comfort zone (understandable, a lot of women wouldn't room share with men) sharing with a gay female would also be out of her comfort zone. Now, yes, of course, it's actually quite silly - but then it is also quite silly to think that all men would want to jump the bones of a woman they shared a room with (I've shared beds with women I have no interest in!). I think there's actually a kinda strange equality to what she's saying but she just isn't making her point very well.

What I mean is own personal (hard won) experience tells me its not a good idea to share a bedroom with someone who is attracted to the sex you happen to be (be it a man or a lesbian woman). Same thing applies. I was naïve enough to do so and found out from that hard won experience never to share a bedroom with a man unless he is a boyfriend. Sh*t happens. Nowt to do with "comfort zones" - just sheer practical commonsense of protecting oneself from having naively trusted the wrong person.

tea_lover

z.n wrote: »

I would say an explanation to the ladies of the WI of the special circumstances and a very brief apology for any upset would go a long way - if not then perhaps this is not the group for OP.

The OP and her partner have nothing to apologise for. There are quite a few others (in the WI and on this thread) who can't say the same.

heartbreak_star

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Okay genuine question time here = "How would you phrase 'I married a member of one sex and then they decided to be the opposite sex instead' "?

Is there a way to phrase it that conveys exactly what is meant, but is phrased in a "politically correct" way? If there is, then I'll use that phrase instead in future.

Without the use of the words "whoops" and "decided" would be a start...

HBS x

dandelionclock30

Its clear to see that bigotry is well alive today in Blighty. The best laugh was from that woman who wouldnt share a bedroom with a lesbian friend. She must think that shes really something.

moneyistooshorttomention

Okay,...I will literally spell it out for you re "hard won personal experience" of having shared a bedroom with someone that is attracted to the sex I am, as you apparently couldn't interpret it.

Interpretation = having naively shared a bedroom with a man I thought of as just a friend and it would be platonic, I found out I had made a mistake because they raped me.

Was that clear enough to understand? or do I have to try and phrase it even more clearly than that?

moneyistooshorttomention

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auntsarentgents

Person_one wrote: »

OP, the WI have guest speakers come to talk at their meetings don't they?

I think it would be a really good idea to book a speaker from a transgender group. Somebody who can explain the difference between sex and gender and why that difference matters, who can describe what it feels like to have a mismatch between the two, who can talk about the difficulties that transgender people face, the progress that's been made and how the support and acceptance of loved ones, friends and groups like the WI can make so much difference to a transgender person's life.

I like this suggestion. I highly recommend getting in touch with GIRES: gires. org. uk ; they did a talk for my workplace (we have an equalities event every year) a few months ago that was fascinating.