Transgender help.

Loz01

I would tell the WI that your OH dressed male for the funeral as your family isn't aware and she was doing it just for your benefit at a difficult time. If they can't accept or understand that then I guess it's up to you if you want to be in a group with people like that. I've been in your shoes to some extent OP so PM me if you feel the need.

Person_one

Errata wrote: »

Of course, but as the OP hasn't said her OH has had gender re-assignment...................

I don't think you do understand then.

The surgery isn't what makes a transwoman female. If she feels female and lives as a woman, that's what she is and its nobody else's business what her biological sex may be or what her genitals look like.

This might help:

http://www.gires.org.uk/glossary.php

CH27

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

If I were "narrow-minded" I wouldn't have had a transsexual or a lesbian for a friend, despite being heterosexual female myself.

I wouldn't book a male friend into a shared room with myself - just in case he started getting "tempted", so I treated the lesbian friend exactly the same way. Actually, too, I was pretty attractive when I was younger. Middle-aged "fade into the furniture" these days, but it wasn't always so.:) I did get quite a few unwanted "passes" made at me.

I would guess that, to most of us, we just "get on with it" and accept the sex of body we were born into?? I may be wrong there. I can certainly recall a point (must of been at some point whilst I was a teenager?) where it struck me quite clearly that I had got the body of one particular sex and what attitude was I going to take to that point. I decided I wasn't unduly bothered which sex body I had and that there were advantages and disadvantages to both (basically "I might get discriminated against for salary" v. "The Government is less likely to try and get me involved in any war they decide to fight") and decided it didn't really matter which sex body I had and I would just try and take advantage of the advantages of being a woman and minimise the disadvantages of being a woman iyswim. I presume its the hormones that accompany having a female body being all "very conventionally lined-up and fully working" that equals "Whew...that's okay then, its the opposite sex I'm attracted to". If it hadn't been the opposite sex, then I'd probably have thought "Darn it. Will ignore hormones and forget about the whole sex issue then. It aint that important" and got on with my life.

Maybe some other peoples hormones or something have a "stronger pull" on them?? That's a genuine thought there..as personally I've found it pretty easy to ensure I myself was the one that made my own decisions in life (ie rather than my body dictating them to me iyswim).

That's as bad as I'm not racist as I have a black friend :eek:

Person_one

Flumina wrote: »

The only trouble there is that the lady in question is living as a woman, except under certain circumstances (for example the family funeral) when she reverts back to being a man!

I don't think its 'certain circumstances', its sounds like it was one exceptional circumstance, the funeral of her partner's mother, and it was an act of selflessness and love for her partner, not a whimsical desire to spend a day as a man for the hell of it!

I would hope that most decent and kind people would understand that once they had it explained to them.

theoretica

Person_one wrote: »

I don't think you do understand then.

The surgery isn't what makes a transwoman female. If she feels female and lives as a woman, that's what she is and its nobody else's business what her biological sex may be or what her genitals look like.

I think the Olympic committee would disagree.

That said page 7 of this seems to cover the legal situation.
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/85024/vcs-gender-reassignment.pdf

Person_one

theoretica wrote: »

I think the Olympic committee would disagree.

That said page 7 of this seems to cover the legal situation.
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/85024/vcs-gender-reassignment.pdf

Yes, its very clear, the OP's partner should be treated as a woman and only in exceptional circumstances is it legally acceptable not to.

Buzzybee90

I can't quite believe the comments about the lesbian friend, though they will suddenly become overcome by lust for their friend :I I would share a room with any of my friends, male or female - I'd like to think I know them well enough to know they wouldn't become "tempted" :rotfl:

The actual problem at hand is much more tricky - I do understand they might be shocked to see someone who identified as female, dressed as a male... If that makes sense, but surely an explanation of the situation should set things straight.

Person_one

Flumina wrote: »

Look at this bit of the original post:



Neither family knows that the partner is a woman!! What is going to happen if they should meet up, or go to another family gathering? There are, presumably cousins, nieces, nephews, in laws and so on who have no idea that their son/uncle/brother in law is now actually a daughter/aunty/sister in law.

Is the transgender person going to keep reverting to male status for the family, and remain as a female at all other times?

That's really for them to deal with as they decide between them, not for us to debate. It sounds like it won't be easy whatever they do.

Person_one

Flumina wrote: »

Yes it is their business, not ours, but the point I am making is the lady is not living as a woman all of the time. Under certain circumstances she reverts to being male, therefore the boundaries are blurred. It is not just a one-off UNLESS she decides to live as a woman all of the time regardless of who she meets.

You cannot legally be a female and then a male whenever it suits you, that is simply cross-dressing, like Eddie Izzard.

I didn't realise there was a transgender rule book that must be strictly adhered to.

BrassicWoman

Flumina wrote: »

There's no need for sarcasm, If she is expecting others to understand her new identity it may be helpful if she can define it herself.

Please accept me as a woman except on this occasion, when I'll be a man, has understandably caused some bafflement and bewilderment among their friends.

But as you say, it's their look-out, really, not ours.

What do you think drives that behaviour? It sure as hell isn't tolerance and acceptance. How much of a "choice" it is, is very debatable!

ETA: And I am it sure why people should explain and label themselves just to make people who live with rigid gender stereotypes feel comfortable/ make things simple to understand. Transgender is not a simple issue! As evidenced by some of the ignorance at play in this thread.