Transgender help.

tea_lover

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I understand their dilemma. On two separate trips I've had in the past, I was quite happy to share a bedroom with a female friend that I was quite sure was a heterosexual woman (ie as I am myself). On another occasion, the friend that was with me was a lesbian and I must have realised that they were at some level (though they hadn't come out of the closet at that point) and I treated them exactly as I would a male friend and booked two separate rooms for us.

Well you must be one seriously hot mama if no lesbian can control themselves around you.

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I honestly think that's all it boils down, ie people not knowing what sex to treat your partner as and therefore plumping for the one they were born as.

!!!!!!?? Surely you just treat people as people? It doesn't matter what gender they are, what gender they choose to be, what their sexual orientation is, what clothes they choose to wear. If people change how they treat someone based on those factors it says a hell of a lot more about them than about the person being judged.

As for this not being prejudice - how can you see it as anything else?

SailorSam

I'm surprised that any of the WI were shocked, surely they must have suspected if they'd met your partner. If from the word 'go' some of the WI had said we don't want her coming to our meetings it would be easier to understand their attitude.

purpleshoes_2

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

It is each persons individual decision as to whether to go along with the sex of the body they were born into. I think most of us just think of ourselves as "people" (ie rather than as a man or a woman)????

I've been friends with a transsexual before and that was something I ultimately couldn't accept(as I'm heterosexual and only date men). Fair enough, they chose to think of themselves that way, and at least they had been honest with me about it before we got that involved.

I feel very sorry for people who marry a member of the opposite sex and THEN find out that...whoops...they aren't actually iyswim. To me, my mind struggles as to why someone would stay with someone who regards themselves as a different sex to what the spouse "signed up to", as I certainly wouldn't and would think "I married a man...so if they aren't a man any more...then..oh well...divorce it is then".

You have been very very forgiving to stay with someone who turned out to be a different sex to what you "signed up to".

It isn't prejudice at all in the circumstances you have described. Its just down to people wanting to know exactly what the sex is of the person they are dealing with. They are confused, because they don't know whether they are male (and should be treated as a man) or female (and should be treated as a woman).

I understand their dilemma. On two separate trips I've had in the past, I was quite happy to share a bedroom with a female friend that I was quite sure was a heterosexual woman (ie as I am myself). On another occasion, the friend that was with me was a lesbian and I must have realised that they were at some level (though they hadn't come out of the closet at that point) and I treated them exactly as I would a male friend and booked two separate rooms for us.

I honestly think that's all it boils down, ie people not knowing what sex to treat your partner as and therefore plumping for the one they were born as. There isn't a third option of "a person - never mind what sex they are" in some contexts in our society (eg changing rooms in clothes shops/women only events/etc).

Did you think your lesbian friend was going to jump your bones?

Your post reads as narrow minded from start to finish sorry to say.

Tropez

SailorSam wrote: »

surely they must have suspected if they'd met your partner

I don't know. I worked with a transgendered woman for several years. Never suspected anything or gave it any thought. She looked like a woman, sounded like a woman, dressed as a woman. Only know about it now because she actually told me before she left.

But perhaps they did suspect, but hadn't an issue with someone who was a woman "full time" (terrible turn of phrase, I know), however, having seen the OH at the funeral as a man they think it's something she switches between. It might be a bit unsettling for them in that respect.

Best thing is to try and meet with them and explain, and provide the various things you've found about the WI being accepting.

SailorSam

Even though she's a woman i can see why she'd changed her clothes for the funeral. It was for you. Which shows how caring she is, and that's the only thing the WI should judge on.

RuthnJasper

SailorSam wrote: »

Even though she's a woman i can see why she'd changed her clothes for the funeral. It was for you. Which shows how caring she is, and that's the only thing the WI should judge on.

Exactly. Well said. x

Errata

As the OP has only claimed the person she lives with is transgendered and doesn't make it clear whether gender reassignment has taken place or not, I'm as confused as the WI.

tea_lover

Errata wrote: »

As the OP has only claimed the person she lives with is transgendered and doesn't make it clear whether gender reassignment has taken place or not, I'm as confused as the WI.

But why? That's a genuine question, I don't see why you (or they) would need to know the intracacies of someone else's genitals.

There are 212,000 WI members (according to their website). If some of those are genetically male but choose to identify as women then how is it affecting anyone else?

Anti-discrimination legislation doesn't just kick in after surgery.

Tropez

tea_lover wrote: »

But why? That's a genuine question, I don't see why you (or they) would need to know the intracacies of someone else's genitals.

There are 212,000 WI members (according to their website). If some of those are genetically male but choose to identify as women then how is it affecting anyone else?

Anti-discrimination legislation doesn't just kick in after surgery.

I applaud the idealism in this post but the sad reality is human's are a species that when unable to fit everybody and everything in neat little brackets tend to lose their minds.

Yes, the OP's OH is a woman. They identify as a woman. They live as a woman. They're a woman. And you're absolutely right, it doesn't make a blind bit of difference to anyone else.

Except the WI is a women only organisation and now it appears they have reason to suspect that the OP's OH isn't a woman, most likely due to a misunderstanding of what transgendered means. Given the ages of these other ladies they probably haven't had a great deal of interaction with transgendered people, they likely lack understanding of the process, of the sense of identity that a transgendered person experiences. I know that I can't begin to pretend to understand that identity, that overwhelming knowledge that your gender doesn't match up with the body you've been born with and I've met transgendered people. Some of these may have, I bet an overwhelming majority have not and they're now confused.

They need to put it into a bracket - it'd be better if we didn't have to do that but it is an unfortunate way our society works. As I say, the best thing is that the OP meet with them and explain that her OH dressed that way for her but is a woman in her heart and mind (where it is actually important).

We also have to be fair and point out that it is more than genitals. There are men who identify as women and women who identify as men but still have their original genitalia due to the difficulties in undergoing the procedures to become who they really are.

HPoirot

tea_lover wrote: »

But why? That's a genuine question, I don't see why you (or they) would need to know the intracacies of someone else's genitals.

There are 212,000 WI members (according to their website). If some of those are genetically male but choose to identify as women then how is it affecting anyone else?

Anti-discrimination legislation doesn't just kick in after surgery.

It would vitiate their constitution which more likely than not offers membership to women only - not men, not girls, not boys.

I suspect the board members of that particular organisation would have little concern for the intricacies of the person's genitals as you put it but every concern about the person's official gender.