Would you go on holiday without your children

alias*alibi

In the past DD has been to the USA twice (my parents live there); Spain twice and Turkey once; Cornwall twice, Blackpool mini breaks twice; London mini break doing all the tourist traps, numerous trips to Alton Towers and Drayton Manor Park plus day trips to Weston Super Mare, Burnham, Cheddar Caves etc She certainly hasn't missed out I don't think. I do accept I've probably spoilt her more than DH; I've tried to make up for other failings such as previous relationship problems, me still feeling that we should be further advanced in life than what we are so I tend to over compensate. I also remember being the odd one out at school belonging in a single parent household so days out and holidays were a rareity with little memories so I'm trying to ensure she has memories to look back on. However I'm also aware me and DH need time together; especially given our past. We have a gig in November which will be an overnighter but that will be the first overnighter we've had since December 2012 :-/

kafkathecat

I find the majority view in this thread quite depressing and to me it seems to be just another way that our society has become more selfish. When my mother was alive she used to get three or four free holidays a year with myself and my siblings rather than being left at home as child minder.
When we teach children 'independence' at a very young age we really teach them that they can't rely on anyone else, that is the opposite of society and makes long lasting relationships harder to maintain.
I don't expect anyone to agree with me as thinking about yourself has become so ingrained in our culture but I think the country is really suffering as a result.

kafkathecat

missbiggles1 wrote: »

No it isn't, we did it so we could go away on our own and we didn't have any relatives to help out!

If you don't have enough time on your own as a couple when they're school age, you may be divorced by the time they've left home. Couple time is just as important (if not more so) than family time.

Neither myself nor my siblings take/took holidays without their children and all four of us have been fortunate enough to have long happy marriages. We have found enough time together without needing a holiday from our children. Maybe we are just lucky.

missbiggles1

kafkathecat wrote: »

I find the majority view in this thread quite depressing and to me it seems to be just another way that our society has become more selfish. When my mother was alive she used to get three or four free holidays a year with myself and my siblings rather than being left at home as child minder.
When we teach children 'independence' at a very young age we really teach them that they can't rely on anyone else, that is the opposite of society and makes long lasting relationships harder to maintain.
I don't expect anyone to agree with me as thinking about yourself has become so ingrained in our culture but I think the country is really suffering as a result.

I'm afraid that's absolute rubbish! Children need to be taught to be (age appropriately) self reliant and independent when young so that they have the confidence to know that they can cope with the things life throws at them without running back to mummy every time something goes wrong, even into their thirties.

Why you should think that makes long lasting relationships difficult escapes me, unless you think that the world is full of feeble people who make relationships from a position of weakness and neediness rather than from one of strength and self reliance.

peachyprice

kafkathecat wrote: »

I find the majority view in this thread quite depressing and to me it seems to be just another way that our society has become more selfish. When my mother was alive she used to get three or four free holidays a year with myself and my siblings rather than being left at home as child minder.
When we teach children 'independence' at a very young age we really teach them that they can't rely on anyone else, that is the opposite of society and makes long lasting relationships harder to maintain.
I don't expect anyone to agree with me as thinking about yourself has become so ingrained in our culture but I think the country is really suffering as a result.

I find it equally depressing when couples have children and devote their whole lives to them, not wanting to have a life for themselves because of their precious children.

I'm sure none of the children have been harmed by parents who take time to preserve life as a couple, just the same as none of the children have been harmed by suffocating parents who refuse to spend time away form them.

giantmutantbroccoli

So she kicked off about not going to the playhouse, and rather than telling her she's too old to throw a toddler tantrum, your husband took her to the playhouse? If you keep rewarding her bad behaviour, surely she'll just keep doing it?

I was an only child. I went on holidays with my parents. It was impressed on me at an early age that a holiday was not a "kids" thing, it was a "family" thing, which meant doing stuff we all (or most of us) wanted to do. Throwing a strop because we weren't doing what I wanted to do all the time would have resulted in a telling off, and an explanation of just how hard my parents worked to make it possible for us to go on holiday at all. Or an offer for me to stay behind in the caravan while they did whatever it was, although I think at 9 they might have thought me a bit young to actually stay behind.

That said, we did all discuss what we were going to do, they did ask me what I wanted to do and we always did a few things that I wanted to do while on holiday - but it wasn't all about me.
As an example, we went to stay on a campsite just outside of Paris for I think 10 days, when I was 11. During the stay we looked at the architecture, visited the Louvre, the Palais de Versailles, some costume museum or other (I don't remember that one too well), a heck of a lot of restaurants, went shopping, and we spent one day at Disneyland. No one else in the family was interested in Disneyland, so that was "my" choice for the day. My mum was the only one interested in the costume museum, so that was her choice for the day - and while I felt at the time like I might just die of the boredom, I put up with it because it was only fair, because we were also going to Disneyland.

Have you tried explaining to your daughter that she's not the only one in the family? It's never too late to learn that your parents are people, too.

peachyprice

kafkathecat wrote: »

I find the majority view in this thread quite depressing and to me it seems to be just another way that our society has become more selfish. When my mother was alive she used to get three or four free holidays a year with myself and my siblings rather than being left at home as child minder.
When we teach children 'independence' at a very young age we really teach them that they can't rely on anyone else, that is the opposite of society and makes long lasting relationships harder to maintain.
I don't expect anyone to agree with me as thinking about yourself has become so ingrained in our culture but I think the country is really suffering as a result.

I don't understand why you think this is a new thing. I certainly know that my own grandmother spent time away from her parents, many a tale was told about her mother's travels and time she spent with her own grandparents. It would seem, if you are to be believed, that this country has been suffering as the result of 'selfish parents' for the last 100 years!

onlyroz

FBaby wrote: »

I want my kids to get excited about going to new places when they are grown up just as I am now and to see it as a motivation to do well in life, like other things rather than just take it for granted because they have never known any different.

I'm not completely sure what you're arguing here. Are you saying that we shouldn't take our kids to exciting places because they'll then view it as normal and so will somehow spoil it for them in the future?

Anyway in general I think that the best holidays should have something for everyone to enjoy. So maybe mum and dad can have a few days roaming the museums, art galleries and shops while the kids can have a few days in the water park or at the beach. And then there might be a few days that everyone can enjoy together - like a boat trip or something.

But the thought of leaving the kids at home for a whole week does seem a bit odd to me. I've been criticised on here for daring to be a working mum - I've had comments like "why did you bother to have kids at all if you never see them?". Well yes, I do work, but I work to ensure my family can have a good standard of living with a few bl00dy good holidays thrown in.

lostinrates

kafkathecat wrote: »

I find the majority view in this thread quite depressing and to me it seems to be just another way that our society has become more selfish. When my mother was alive she used to get three or four free holidays a year with myself and my siblings rather than being left at home as child minder.
When we teach children 'independence' at a very young age we really teach them that they can't rely on anyone else, that is the opposite of society and makes long lasting relationships harder to maintain.
I don't expect anyone to agree with me as thinking about yourself has become so ingrained in our culture but I think the country is really suffering as a result.

What teaches more about society and relationships than stronger extended family relationships, including time alone with grandparents, aunts or god parents or the like? Its also showing that these other relationships in your life are people who are prepared to put you first and enjoy time with you ( opposite of 'me' culture). Relationships outside the nuclear family unit are extremely important and underrated, one of the greater losses of the way most of us have to live now.

maman

jackieblack wrote: »

But that's the very opposite of excluding your child so parent's can have 'us' time.

There are a limited number of years for family holidays and I personally wouldn't exclude my child from any holiday as family time is so previous.
Plenty of years for 'couple' trips once children have flown the nest or get to an age when they don't wish to be included in 'family' trips. Believe me, that time comes around much more quickly than you think.

OP's daughter's behaviour does sound ungrateful/brattish. Better to deal with the causes of this than excluding her from family events.

peachyprice wrote: »

Selfish to realise that when I had children it wasn't the death of us as individuals? I don't think so. Being a parent isn't the be all and end all.

Someone posted on here the other day asking for advice now that he and his wife were expecting their first child. My response was, to the effect that, they needed to remember not to neglect each other and not let the new baby take over their lives completely.



If you're not careful before the time comes for 'couple' trips then your partner and you may have forgotten why you got together in the first place or he/she may have flown the nest!!


It's fine if both parents are of the same mind that they should devote themselves completely to the offspring but OP definitely wanted a break.