Would you go on holiday without your children

laurabllue

My parents used to go on holiday without me and my brother and we'd have a great time with our grandparents. I don't see anything wrong with that at all. We had lots of lovely family holidays (including Florida and Australia), so at no point did I think we felt like we were missing out.

My little one is only 5months so it's a bit too early for us yet. Although we had a night away on Saturday for H's birthday and it was lovely to have time just the two of us. I'm sure we'll have a holiday without her at some point, but that would be as well as a family holiday, not at the expense of one.

LandyAndy

Had a week in Malta without them when the boys were about 5/6. My parents had them.


Left them at home on their own the last two summers for a week each time. They are 18 and 20 now though.

millysg1

I think im very lucky to have a very close relationship with both grandparents, my aunts, uncles and cousins. This stems from spending so much time with them when i was younger. Staying the night or two over at different houses. I loved it.

If I had one of two more family holidays with my parents (instead of them going on there own) would I be any closer to them. NO.

But am I a lot closer to the rest of family because of it, possibly yes. And I wouldn't trade that for 1 or two more family holidays with parents. My family is my WHOLE family, not just parents. I love em all and cherish every memory I have of all of them!

I have some great memories staying with my great grandparents in Wales with my sister and I spent time with my cousins who lived near them that if I hadn't of stayed with my great grandparents I would never by so close to my 3rd (or is it 4th) cousins!

Im all for children spending time away from parents and spending quality time with other member of the family. If your lucky to have them of course.

Even now, at 27, when ever I can, I go and stay with my grandparents, with my OH (who also thinks they're great) and we have some of the best times staying with them! But then, they do now live in Spain!

alias*alibi

mgdavid wrote: »

maybe it's a generational thing but I simply don't understand the selfish attitude of parents today. We never even thought of finding a way to dump the children on someone else so we could have 'time together'. We were and are a family and we always did things together and still do when we can, this year we had a week by the sea with #1 son and partner and 2 grandchildren plus #2 son and fiancee who were over from Australia. Both sons are in their 30s!

Now see I definitely don't class us of being selfish or dumping DD as we never have apart from my 40th birthday; 2 nights in London to see a show. My DD was even there on our "honeymoon" as we got married in the USA so never really had a proper honeymoon either.

This is why I wrangle with guilt over us having a holiday on our own as she is our DD and I love her to bits but I know if we don't make time for me and DH soon on our own we are going to burn out.

lostinrates

mgdavid wrote: »

maybe it's a generational thing but I simply don't understand the selfish attitude of parents today. We never even thought of finding a way to dump the children on someone else so we could have 'time together'. We were and are a family and we always did things together and still do when we can, this year we had a week by the sea with #1 son and partner and 2 grandchildren plus #2 son and fiancee who were over from Australia. Both sons are in their 30s!

Maybe it is a generational thing.

I was considered reasonably young for boarding at eight, but not abnormal generation before eight was more common.

Both my parents often spent entire summers with their grandparents, but only one of them went to boarding school. Meaning one of my parents saw their parents quite rarely and that wasn't considered odd at the time at all.

Sezzagirl

We've just got back from the latest of our weekends away without the children. Admitedly, this time they were old enough to stay home alone - although Nanny took them out for Sunday lunch! We have been leaving them since they were quite little but we have been lucky that they think time at Grandparents is a real treat not a chore

I think it does them good to learn to be seperated from you as you never know when it might need to happen.

It doesn't sound like she is very keen on going to Grandparents but if that is the only option, is there some way you could sell it to her? Maybe GrandDad could think of a special treat and, if she's anything like my kids, has she got enough gadgets that she could entertain herself for a while? Maybe (and i know bribery isn't always the answer) but a money-saving style bag full of overnight treats might help? I'm thinking new PJ's, a "Midnight Feast" new book or game or craft kit Nanny could help with? Maybe a DVD?

Also, if you're not expecting her to go on any school trips, does she do something like Brownies where they would have weekends away? A good chance for a sneaky night or 2 away!

Does she have a good friend that you like? If she does, can you do a trade with those parents and ask if your daughter can stay for a couple of nights? in my experience, a weekend break doing just what you want (or don't want!!) is just a refreshing as a week! In return, you could look after the friend when her parents need you too

As to your family holidays, if you are going to a cotttage or caravan, you might find it doesn't cost too much more to take one of your daughter's friends with you as you already have a bed and space in the car. A extra entry fee here and there might be worth it for having someone there that your daughter can play with meaning that you and your DH are not her only source of entertainment!

Sorry, waffled on there but I do think it is important for you make a bit of space for you and your partner

onlyroz

I can sympathise because my 5-year-old daughter turns into the she-b*tch from hell on holiday. She can be difficult at home, but on holiday she knows that it's harder to discipline. What are you going to do? Say that today we're going to stay in the hotel room all day? And when you're living in a closed environment there is no bedroom or naughty-step to send them to.

Having said that, I don't think I would go away for more than a night or two without the kids. Maybe when they hit their teens but I don't think it's fair to swan off to the mediterranean and leave the kids back with granny. Possibly if you can afford multiple trips away then it might be OK, but for me being able to afford exciting holidays is a big reason why I can justify working all these hours - and I want my kids to share in that.

FBaby

But that's the very opposite of excluding your child so parent's can have 'us' time.

Taking time as a couple doesn't mean that you are excluding your child. Do your exclude your partner every time you spend one to one time with your child?

There are a limited number of years for family holidays and I personally wouldn't exclude my child from any holiday as family time is so previous.

So once your child reaches a certain age, they then become excluded from your holidays? Many grand parents go on holiday with their children and grand children. One of the best holiday I went on was when my parents joined me and we are talking about another holiday going with them. You can still spend family holidays together even after your children have grown up.

OP's daughter's behaviour does sound ungrateful/brattish. Better to deal with the causes of this than excluding her from family events.

I agree with this, but it is quite common with children who take for granted that they are at the centre of the family holidays because they have never known any different.

To go back to initial question, I think in the end, it very much depends on the holidays that families can afford. There is a big difference between a family who can afford to go on holidays both with their children and as a couple every year, and those who can only afford one, and would rather chose to go on an expensive one each year together and never take their kids anywhere on holiday with them (which I think is a much rarer scenario).

FBaby

Maybe when they hit their teens but I don't think it's fair to swan off to the mediterranean and leave the kids back with granny

Possibly if you can afford multiple trips away then it might be OK, but for me being able to afford exciting holidays is a big reason why I can justify working all these hours - and I want my kids to share in that.

When I was a kid, I was friend with a girl who was an only child of an older couple who retired early well-off. Then went on holidays all the times to foreign places, those who are more accessible now, but which were really exotic at the time. She used to come back all tan saying that she had a fun time, but I was always surprised how unexcited she seemed when my eyes used to open wide at seeing the pictures.

We lost touch but found ourselves in facebook again a few years back. She married well and had three children and can afford nice holidays herself, but she always is so blaze about it, how it is nothing special, that she's already been there. She comes across as a spoilt brat, but then again, i supposed it is not that different to her than those who go to the same places in France year after year, happy for a break, but not that excited about the places any longer.

I want my kids to get excited about going to new places when they are grown up just as I am now and to see it as a motivation to do well in life, like other things rather than just take it for granted because they have never known any different.

missbiggles1

jackieblack wrote: »

But that's the very opposite of excluding your child so parent's can have 'us' time.

There are a limited number of years for family holidays and I personally wouldn't exclude my child from any holiday as family time is so previous.
Plenty of years for 'couple' trips once children have flown the nest or get to an age when they don't wish to be included in 'family' trips. Believe me, that time comes around much more quickly than you think.

OP's daughter's behaviour does sound ungrateful/brattish. Better to deal with the causes of this than excluding her from family events.

No it isn't, we did it so we could go away on our own and we didn't have any relatives to help out!

If you don't have enough time on your own as a couple when they're school age, you may be divorced by the time they've left home. Couple time is just as important (if not more so) than family time.