Would you go on holiday without your children

maman

I think you just have to bite the bullet and book. Don't make excuses for your DD she's trying to press your buttons, don't give in. She obviously has loads of treats you've nothing to feel guilty for.


When our DDs were young DH and I either left them with grandparents or sent them to a summer camp.


Tough if she'd prefer not to go to grandparents but maybe it'd make her appreciate you more.


As for the 'bully' talk that's just parroting what she's probably heard about the use of at school: mention the b word and adults come running (whether it's true or not).


Go for it!!

lady1964

mgdavid wrote: »

maybe it's a generational thing but I simply don't understand the selfish attitude of parents today. We never even thought of finding a way to dump the children on someone else so we could have 'time together'. We were and are a family and we always did things together and still do when we can, this year we had a week by the sea with #1 son and partner and 2 grandchildren plus #2 son and fiancee who were over from Australia. Both sons are in their 30s!

I don't necessarily think parents are being selfish in wanting time together without their kids.

When mine were younger, both sets of grandparents lived around 100 miles away so didn't see my kids in a regular basis, so having my kids staying with them for a few days was great for all of them. They got to have quality time together without us around making sure they weren't getting over-spoilt & they all have really close relationships with each other now my kids are adults.

We always had a family holiday each year and we did & still do spend a lot of time with our kids, no-one felt they missed out, in fact my kids say today how much they loved spending time with their grandparents.

Each to their own but don't call us selfish just because you didn't do what many of us do. Oh and my eldest DD is 26 so me &'you are probably of a very similar generation!

Happier_Me

I would go way without the children for one or two nights but not for a week.

DH and I work full time and family time is important to us. We have only just started having holidays as a family now the children are 9 and 6. Before this it was the odd weekend away and leave covered school holidays.

I couldn't imagine going away without them but my two wouldn't behave the way your DD did on your last holiday, OP. If they did I might feel differently:D.

There is no one to look after them either for this length of time.

FBaby

We never even thought of finding a way to dump the children on someone else so we could have 'time together'.

Selfish? Why? Kids are spoilt rotten nowadays and this notion that they should be able to enjoy what adults get to do is ridiculous in my mind. That and the fact that they get way too much attention anyway whilst couple give each other less and less, it is no surprise that separations rate go up all the time.

I went on a 4 day break without my kids when they were under 5 because I desperately needed a break (single mum working full-time, full care except for a few hours a week). It was hard as I was worried they would be miserable without me, but they weren't at all, and that meant I was able to enjoy my break.

Since I've met my husband, we have gone on some breaks and one holiday without the kids and this is the time we get to be lovers and only think of ourselves. It is very important to our relationship. I also often take the kids just the three of us and that is important too. We also go all together once a year. They have never expressed jealousy or that they were hard done by.

The kids are now teenagers and we all have different interests, so it's not easy to please everyone anyway. DD doesn't like swimming in the sea whereas DS could stay snorkling for hours! DD wouldn't mind so much walks, but not around cliffs, DS would moan non stop. They would understandbly love to be around kids and evening activities, OH would absolutely hate it!

Next year, DD will for the first time go away abroad with a friend of hers and her family, should I be jealous and tell her she is selfish??

peachyprice

mgdavid wrote: »

maybe it's a generational thing but I simply don't understand the selfish attitude of parents today. We never even thought of finding a way to dump the children on someone else so we could have 'time together'. We were and are a family and we always did things together and still do when we can, this year we had a week by the sea with #1 son and partner and 2 grandchildren plus #2 son and fiancee who were over from Australia. Both sons are in their 30s!

Selfish to realise that when I had children it wasn't the death of us as individuals? I don't think so. Being a parent isn't the be all and end all.

As for a generational thing, no, definitley not. I used to go on holiday with my grandmother every summer and stay with her weekends regularly. I haven't a clue what my parents did when I was away, I didn't give them a second thought, they could have been on holiday, or not.

CH27

Issue 1. You need to put your foot down with your daughter & stop letting her dictate how things are. You were on a family holiday not a let DD do anything she wants.

I've got an only child & he certainly didn't rule the roost.

Issue 2. Go away for a weekend together & have some couple time. We had at least an overnight away from son being 7.

missbiggles1

mgdavid wrote: »

maybe it's a generational thing but I simply don't understand the selfish attitude of parents today. We never even thought of finding a way to dump the children on someone else so we could have 'time together'. We were and are a family and we always did things together and still do when we can, this year we had a week by the sea with #1 son and partner and 2 grandchildren plus #2 son and fiancee who were over from Australia. Both sons are in their 30s!

I'm sure I'm the same generation as you and our lad had nearly a dozen PGL holidays from the age of 8 as well as famiy holidays. How self centred to think that a child would get more pleasure from being with us than having fun with children of his own age!

We also took my parents (and later my aunt) away for a couple of holidays when we were childfree because we knew how much it meant to them, even if we might have had a better holiday on our own.

jackieblack

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I'm sure I'm the same generation as you and our lad had nearly a dozen PGL holidays from the age of 8 as well as famiy holidays. How self centred to think that a child would get more pleasure from being with us than having fun with children of his own age!

But that's the very opposite of excluding your child so parent's can have 'us' time.

There are a limited number of years for family holidays and I personally wouldn't exclude my child from any holiday as family time is so previous.
Plenty of years for 'couple' trips once children have flown the nest or get to an age when they don't wish to be included in 'family' trips. Believe me, that time comes around much more quickly than you think.

OP's daughter's behaviour does sound ungrateful/brattish. Better to deal with the causes of this than excluding her from family events.

lilmissreading

Recall numerous trips (couldn't tell you how long for) to stay with my grandparents as a child and loved it.

Fortunately I was a child charmed by helping my nanny in the kitchen, reading a book lying on my tummy and going for walks with the dog (we didn't have one so a very special treat).

I have no idea what my parents were up to but once I was 6 and my brother came along I assume it might have been time to focus on the new baby. Before, just some time to sleep?

Luckily due to my good relationship with my nanny (which continues to this day - me and DH will still go to stay weekends with her) and presumably positive spin from mum meant I thought I was the chosen, special one getting to stay with nanny

DH's parents would view this as terrible thing to do - they are politely refraining from telling me that they don't agree with us not looking after our little sproglet to be full time at home as for them family time should be all spent together.

Luckily having checked with DH he is open to a nanny weekend for sproglet when he's older to have some couple time! Sure there is time when they are older to spend time away from each other but my experience makes me want to encourage my child to have the relationship with their grandparents that I did and time together is important for that without us butting in. Win win from my perspective.

kafkathecat

Ds is an only child and is now 16. We have never been away without him and never wanted to. We have, more recently, taken his friends on holiday with us and he has been away without us. When we go away we try to find things that we all want to do or compromise eg. we'll do this today and that tomorrow. We do it like this because he is an equal member of the family and it is his holiday as much as it is ours.