Holiday Nightmares!

GracieP

Eton_Rifle wrote: »

If I had to guess, I'd say they've got money worries and can no longer afford this holiday.
Or, they think that's the position you're in.

Either way, I think they might be rather relieved to get their money back.

I'd say that something like this is going on behind the scenes for them. It's funny, OP, but your description of this couple reminds me a lot of another couple I used to know, right down to her abrasiveness which could be followed by tears, her reluctance to 'let him out' without her and there being serious suspicion like issues around money. Everyone assumed she was a stone cold cow and he a bit of a hapless victim as he was always such a charming, gregarious guy. Turned out though that he was actually a completely off the rails alcoholic and the only thing keeping his life going was his wife.

He spent every last penny she saved, he constantly ran up debts, she scrimped in every way possible to clear the debts and every time she thought they were in the clear it turned out he had a secret credit card he owed thousands on. He would clear out their current account out the day before a direct debit was due and would hide the letters looking for payment. He would take a lump sum that they agreed to spend on a big item, like a computer/holiday and secretly arrange a loan for it so he could spend the lump sum as he liked. Despite this, she was still in a degree of denial about how bad his problem was as he used to tell her so many lies that it messed with her head and stopped her from trusting her own instincts. It was only when things got so bad that she had no choice but to confront his drinking and go to his friends for help that we put it all together.

He used to lie to her about loaning his friends money, or his friends arranging to buy an item through their work discount, in order to explain missing money or give him an excuse to take a lump sum from their bank account. Then when the money was never 'paid back' or the item never appeared, he'd make up a !!!! and bull story about how the friend had screwed them over (never maliciously of course) and tell her he'd forgiven them and beg her to forgive them too. She came to hate all of us as because far as she knew, we were big time users who had cost her a fortune. She'd try to let it go for her husband's sake but her anger would come out through what we thought were nasty, suspicious comments. She was in absolute hell for years and we all hated her, ultimately a clever ploy by her husband as it made it harder for us to ever compare notes and for his lies to be rumbled. She went to al-anon and my husband went with her a couple of times and their scenario was absolutely textbook for a couple with one addicted partner. Happens all the time.

So while nothing of the sort may be going on in your friends' relationship, warning bells absolutely clanged for me when I read your comments and I strongly suspect something very serious is at the root of her suspicion. My advice is to be completely and totally open with both of them about everything. Give both of them a copy of every last piece of paperwork, from the original booking to the cancellation and insurance claim forms. Don't let there be any room for ambiguity with either one of them.

But I wouldn't bother refunding them your own money, that's not your responsibility at all. Just make sure, when the refund comes through that both of them are completely aware of it. Because if this had happened with the couple I knew, he would have taken the money and blamed you when she looked for it.

BigAunty

I would restrict your communication to the fella and ignore the paranoid one.

Also, while you have a legitimate health reason to cancel the holiday, your medical history is private and personal,so don't feel the need to 'prove' this and provide documentation. A decent friend would accept the refund without kicking up a fuss and wish you well with your health without being nosey.

Izadora

BigAunty wrote: »

Also, while you have a legitimate health reason to cancel the holiday, your medical history is private and personal,so don't feel the need to 'prove' this and provide documentation.

Considering some of her other comments I don't know you can expect her to think like a rational person but, knowing how notorious insurance companies are for not paying out if they don't have to, I wouuld've thought the fact that they see the claim as valid would be enough to convince pretty much anyone that cancelling the holiday really is your only choice.

Starrystarrynight

I certainly wouldn't be repaying someone who treated me so badly whilst poorly from my own pocket. She should wait for the insurance to pay out, less the couple's share of any excess, the same as the OP.

Best wishes for your health and upcoming treatment, OP. A holiday should be a relaxing time. From the sound of it, you wouldn't have had that with her around.

You could maybe use the insurance money for a holiday with your partner once your health permits.

FBaby

Although I agree with other posters about the attitude I think it is not as black or white as cancelling and telling them tough. When are you supposed to be going? If I'd paid a lot of money for a holiday taken the time off work and then it was cancelled not because of the tour operator but another party I would not be happy not to get my money back soon enough to be able to book somewhere else for the same period of time. I would be very nervous to book something else on promises that I will get the money back at some time in the future. I think you need to talk to your friend and discuss compromises.

BigAunty

Izadora wrote: »

Considering some of her other comments I don't know you can expect her to think like a rational person....

I don't expect the female friend to act rationally but I also don't see the need for the OP to have to justify the cancellation by providing sensitive medical details. A simple call to the male friend to say 'I have serious health issues and the holiday has been cancelled and I will forward you a refund, apologies that the holiday never got off the ground' ought to suffice.

BarryBlue

It seems to me that there isn't much of a decision to be made. You need to cancel on health grounds and all in the party will be paid out on respective insurances. You only need to provide copies of the medical evidence to the other couple. It is not your fault and the others will just have to accept that things happen. A decent response from them would be to accept that of course the holiday needs to be cancelled and to wish you a speedy recovery.

I absolutely agree with others who ask whether you would really want to spend your hard-earned holiday in the company of this controlling harridan. Getting out of that would seem to be your silver lining in an unpleasant cloud.

I would go further and suggest that couples who are friends should think very, very carefully before going on holiday together. I still have nightmares about our holiday with another couple 25 years ago. We have never done so again! You see a side to people you have never seen before and we were never as close afterwards. I know other people who have had massive fall-outs with so-called friends on holiday and ended up not speaking.

BigAunty

BarryBlue wrote: »

I would go further and suggest that couples who are friends should think very, very carefully before going on holiday together. I still have nightmares about our holiday with another couple 25 years ago. We have never done so again! You see a side to people you have never seen before and we were never as close afterwards. I know other people who have had massive fall-outs with so-called friends on holiday and ended up not speaking.

Good point. Two of my pals went overseas for a wedding and combined it with a holiday, one of whom was prone to selfishness and lack of punctuality while the other was a very chilled and relaxed type.

Nonetheless, the sharing of a room and the lazy one's punctuality and self absorption drove a wedge between them. It was anything from hogging the air conditioning controls to failing to be ready on time for the various excursions that the father of the bride had kindly organised for them, including the wedding itself and various reception events.

The victim of the other one's lack of punctuality felt embarrassed about how many times her friend kept other parties of people waiting, furious about how little she cared about inconveniencing others.

What drove her especially mad was that her friend would simply potter around in their hotel room having showered hours before departure but apparently unable to rouse themselves to do their hair, make up or dress. She was amazed to see at very close quarters how inert and apathetic her friend was, the most amazing time wasting and procrastination that no kind of encouragement or coaxing would change.

I also had a camping weekend with someone disorganised and while their failure to remember quite basic items - soap and food, for example, and they brought along a leaky tent - was funny for a while, their laissez faire attitude got quite wearing in the end. It was like taking a child on holiday.

tazzyb

I would suspect she wants the money back or does not want to go away now and is kicking up a fuss to try and get you to cancel the holiday and therefore be the bad guy.

Personally I would go round and provide proof - dated if possible of when you paid then leave her to stew for a few days.

Then meet up with your friend, explain you cannot go due to your health. Tell him the insurance you insisted on will pay out and let them wait for their cash.

maman

BigAunty wrote: »

Good point. Two of my pals went overseas for a wedding and combined it with a holiday, one of whom was prone to selfishness and lack of punctuality while the other was a very chilled and relaxed type.

Nonetheless, the sharing of a room and the lazy one's punctuality and self absorption drove a wedge between them. It was anything from hogging the air conditioning controls to failing to be ready on time for the various excursions that the father of the bride had kindly organised for them, including the wedding itself and various reception events.

Presumably the chilled one hogged the aircon!:rotfl: