Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK

Brogden

NoOneAround wrote: »

Hey Brogden, You're right (as usual! but I would never in a million years say that to my DH;))...I need to man up. This was 2.5 months so the 3 month review was coming up but they have yet to write and accept my token payments. They have income and exps showing only have enough for token payments - and I did say circumstances haven't changed as when the recent projects are paid for it will only go towards a buffer as this living from day to day is a real strain.


Spoilt about an hour today just as DD and I getting ready to go out shopping before school pick up! and I know I shouldn't let them. Am relying on you to keep on reminding me Brogden!


We did get out and we did really well (sorry SHE did really well )....went to a certain cheap shop Prima**k and she got 5 items of clothing for £26 ---she is so MSE now:rotfl:


Am off now for a sleepless night probably - need to get tomorrow over and am dreading it. Then have a busy Saturday with volunteer work in the morning while teens still in bed and my fun job in the afternoon to earn £33 which will pay for popcorn as we going to cinema on Saturday night (courtesy of Mr T vouchers)...and will try and go see my parents on Sunday if at all poss

---

dad's birthday today:) before taking DD back on Sunday night....will try and sneak in and out at odd times in between!!
xx
NOA
xx

Haha :rotfl:!! Don't say it to your DH, say it to the predators silly x

Don't use the term 'token payments' because you're through all of that. If they think these are 'token payments' they are impatient for more and are rubbing their hands with glee at the prospect of you delivering huge sacks of cash to them in the near future on an alarmingly regular basis !!

I am so happy things are going well for you but so you can concentrate on your work and pleasures I would contact them all again - send the I&E again - tell them nothing has changed and throw in a couple of additional problems, stir a little worry and doubt into the mix and say you just cannot foresee being in the position to increase your monthly payments in the near future, requesting a long term payment plan of £X. It WILL be accepted if the I&E backs it up. The word 'token' is banned remember !! They will not contact you then for 6 months and I'll bet you can agree 12 months with some?

You can have much more peace than you are having. If I hadn't done this Mrs B would have crucified me on the tree in the garden a long time ago !

Have a lovely day NOA

Brogden x

grannyx2

Just popping in to say hope today goes as well as these things can and isn't too awful. Glad you've got DD with you for support. X

Also want to agree with Mr B's comment re predators. Write to them all again with I&E form and letter explaining why you can't afford to pay them x. Tell them you can only afford y. Explain that this is likely to be a long term situation and ask them to contact you in writing only. Most of mine accepted this for 6-12 months and only after this time would they write to me again for a review. At each review I'd simply update my I&E form, tell them I couldn't increase the payment as my situation hadn't changed and ask them to renew the agreement. I Had no phone contact with any of them until I tried to do the F&Fs this year.

I'd be wary of telling them the situation may improve in the future as then they expect more. Better to deal with any increases in income at review time, after properly assessing that your I&E is working. No problem with actually not telling them about any increases if it actually gives you a chance to live slightly better or create an emergency fund. It may even give you a chance to save towards future F&Fs.

I hope this makes sense. It will all calm down eventually and when it does you won't know yourself.

Hugs honey, thinking of you today x

Brogden

grannyx2 wrote: »

Just popping in to say hope today goes as well as these things can and isn't too awful. Glad you've got DD with you for support. X

Also want to agree with Mr B's comment re predators. Write to them all again with I&E form and letter explaining why you can't afford to pay them x. Tell them you can only afford y. Explain that this is likely to be a long term situation and ask them to contact you in writing only. Most of mine accepted this for 6-12 months and only after this time would they write to me again for a review. At each review I'd simply update my I&E form, tell them I couldn't increase the payment as my situation hadn't changed and ask them to renew the agreement. I Had no phone contact with any of them until I tried to do the F&Fs this year.

I'd be wary of telling them the situation may improve in the future as then they expect more. Better to deal with any increases in income at review time, after properly assessing that your I&E is working. No problem with actually not telling them about any increases if it actually gives you a chance to live slightly better or create an emergency fund. It may even give you a chance to save towards future F&Fs.

I hope this makes sense. It will all calm down eventually and when it does you won't know yourself.

Hugs honey, thinking of you today x

Well said Granny

I'll bet NOA will get it sorted now......she just doesn't take any notice of what blokes say

Brogden x

liltdiddylilt

Well you successfully made me cry today where small children, piles of vomit on the carpet, horrendous potty training fails and a pounding headache had thus far failed. Your story is beautiful. I am so happy that you have such a special bond with your dad, and that he heard you.

I blow my mama a kiss everytime I see a whiter than white cloud, as I always think she must be sitting up there making it glow like that. It is a superstition I have continued for 15 years and it always gives me a little bit of peace. I don't believe in heaven, gods, or anything else. But I do believe there are some people on this earth who mean so much to others than they cannot ever be truly gone and so they sit waiting for you to need a sign.

Have you ever read the 'You want a physicist to speak at your funeral'? That is a truly beautiful thing and always makes me smile. As does a simple phrase relating to the fact that we are all made up of carbon which is star dust, so we are all made of stars.

Proud of you for making the call. I hope you are doing ok. Some sage advice on here. Even from men Brogden

Night xx

NoOneAround

Good Morning - and I hope it as beautiful where you are as where I am - After 3 days of grey miserable rain the sun is so bright I can't help but smile


Have had a packed few days. Friday morning did school run then took DD for her interview. She got accepted to be on the bank of markers too and has been offered 3 -4 days work just before Christmas! Plus if she finds nothing else she will have summer holiday work there.
Fri afternoon was the funeral. So sad. So hard for friend's mother who is 80 something, but who paid tribute and afterwards said it should have been the other way round. 3 weeks ago today and I ache for the kids who have had to grow up so fast. Brought home again that you have to make every moment count.
Late night Friday evening - doing nothing much but had to wait up for DS who was performing with his school at a venue in London - the coaches did not get back till 1am, was exhausted.
Saturday AM volunteering work. Home at 1 and went out at 2 to do a part time fun job - came back exhausted- Dh and kids had put non MSE buffet food in oven - ate quickly and went to see Hunger Games as a family - which was nice - doing something as a family. Got up early yesterday and me and kids went to see mum and dad - was lovely as sister there too with her kids and we had a lovely few hours together. Drive there and back was awful and heavy rain all the way - so much water and spray on the roads. Got back 6ish and DH volunteered to drive DD back to uni by himself, so managed to catch up with all the washing - 4 loads done and had to dry on radiators.
This morning DS exhausted and has a really bad sore throat and painful chest with a horrid sounding chesty cough. He wanted to go in as has to catch up with work from last two weeks of missing quite a few lessons for concert rehearsals too, but he really isn't well so rest is best way to recover quickly.
Today need a big domestic catch up as everything upside down everywhere - then need a mega catch up on finance stuff.
(Noah Puts on positive head)
List too long to write so am going to dive in and for every hour of productivity I am allowed 20mins MSE catching up diaries so will reply to individual posts then:)

NoOneAround

Busy Busy Busy....
Hope everyone well in MSE land- Put aside yesterday to catch up - got quite a few things done but nowhere near enough with DS at home with a really horrid chesty cough - he sounds like he's been on 60 a day for 20 years. Off today as well and am overdosing on Vit C - hop0e it doesn't do the rounds as have such a lot on in next 4 weeks and cannot afford to be ill.


DH has got his job offer last week. Great that he has it but it is 50 miles away so will make his longer and cost more in fuel - so pay rise will be swallowed up. He does get a company car though which is also great but need to look at all the taxation around that. Think we will also lose DS child benefit? Any hints around company car taxation welcome!


Anyway - he called up an old boss (the company he left to become self employed) for a reference, and it turns out that they are also about to recruit - and they are jumping up and down and have also offered him a job. Talk about that for timing! Matched salary, with company car, but no private healthcare, but its only 30 mins drive away and much more convenient, smaller company.


Now he has a dilemma - decided what to go for. If all was equal he would go for the job further away as bigger company etc. But commuting an hour each way is fine short term but can really get to you in the long term (we have been there before).


Having been trying to look up tax stuff for him, company car stuff - there's so many things to consider and am quite confused. The private health is quite a carrot as he can add whole family for 500 a year - My recent experience of NHS has not been good re waiting times. Whichever he takes won't solve our problems overnight but what I don't want to do is add to them. BUt it might make him a lot happier which will be a big help.:)


Relieved today as have been paid for 2 invoices only submitted a few days ago, so together with November income have enough in bank for December bills and will earn about £500 on marking papers in 2 weeks lead up to Christmas which will cover Christmas expenses.


Worried as dad has been hypos 2 nights in a row, so he blood sugar going haywire again, also both knees painful- arthritis flared up and he can hardly put any weight on. Wish they lived closer:(

Keeping_Motivated

Hi

I have just read your diary and wanted to say well done you're doing amazing.
You're obviously a great mum and work hard at juggling the finances and keeping on track.
Keep on keeping on..keep moving forward x

PS I don't know if I missed a post but did you ask about the Bursary at school?

NoOneAround

liltdiddylilt wrote: »

Well you successfully made me cry today where small children, piles of vomit on the carpet, horrendous potty training fails and a pounding headache had thus far failed. Your story is beautiful. I am so happy that you have such a special bond with your dad, and that he heard you.

I blow my mama a kiss everytime I see a whiter than white cloud, as I always think she must be sitting up there making it glow like that. It is a superstition I have continued for 15 years and it always gives me a little bit of peace. I don't believe in heaven, gods, or anything else. But I do believe there are some people on this earth who mean so much to others than they cannot ever be truly gone and so they sit waiting for you to need a sign.

Have you ever read the 'You want a physicist to speak at your funeral'? That is a truly beautiful thing and always makes me smile. As does a simple phrase relating to the fact that we are all made up of carbon which is star dust, so we are all made of stars.

Proud of you for making the call. I hope you are doing ok. Some sage advice on here. Even from men Brogden

Night xx

Hey Lilt, I'm sorry it made you cry but I hope it was because you realised how much I believe in your white feathers and why. I'm hoping you are back now with a fully recovered Jelly and no more vomit (Iknow the potty training is taking a back seat ). I'm not religious but my parents are, they have so much Faith it has helped them through some really tough times, often against all odds. Some of it rubs off on me as I get older. I have often read of near death experiences and was always very cynical, but my dad isn't the sort to exaggerate. It changed me though, not necessarily to believe in God or Heaven....,but I can't put words to it. Perhaps it is just positive thinking brings positive results...then it makes me wonder is that the same as what people call the power of prayer (which after all is just sending positive thoughts out into the universe? so in the end it doesn't matter what it is that you believe in, as long as you do believe in something? I always feel elated when I see fluffy cotton wool clouds, and clouds with silver linings, and rainbows and beautiful sunsets, and moonlit nights, waves, and dramatic landscapes, I could go on and on. I looked up the physicist quote - have seen it before but had forgotten all about it and it was lovely to read it again - thank you for reminding me of it. and the star dust ....love it ! Does Jelly sing twinkle twinkle little star with the actions? I miss the the toddler years -everything they do is so new and exciting and fun and full of love so \I love reading of Jelly's antics!
NOA
xx

NoOneAround

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Hi

I have just read your diary and wanted to say well done you're doing amazing.
You're obviously a great mum and work hard at juggling the finances and keeping on track.
Keep on keeping on..keep moving forward x

PS I don't know if I missed a post but did you ask about the Bursary at school?

Hello Keeping Motivated! Thank you for dropping by and for reading - and for your lovely comments. I can't even begin to express how much the support on these pages has meant to me these past couple of months- I dread to think what might have been if I hadn't found this forum, so thank you again. Do you have a thread? please post a link if you do -lazy of me I know but it is the quickest way to track everyone's diary!
NOA
xx

NoOneAround

Brogden wrote: »

Well said Granny

I'll bet NOA will get it sorted now......she just doesn't take any notice of what blokes say

Brogden x

Hey Brogden
That's not fair! you know I take every bit of notice of everything you say ....it only took me about 1hr to pluck up courage to call as opposed to the days of building up to it when I first started this diary! But obviously, since Granny has now said it I'll probably act on it rather than just take notice of it ......:D


xx NOA