When you children are no longer kids.

browneyedbazzi

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I would never assume a grown adult would want to go on a children's day out.

Amara wrote: »

It wasn't children's day out, it was family's day out.

I have to agree with Amara - a day trip to the coast doesn't sound like a children's day out to me. I took my mom on a day out to the coast when she visited recently and we had a blast - I'm in my 30's and she's a pensioner!

marisco_2

bagpuss38 wrote: »

I always am made to feel like I owe her something.
she had as much as the others nothing less, yet feels hard done by.

The only thing you owe your daughter now is a bit of tough love and a reality check. She is an adult way beyond the age where mummy returns home with sweeties and treats for her. Most 22 year olds would be horrified to be included in the same things as their much younger siblings! At your daughters age I had left home and was running my own life. Not expecting my folks to sub me, spoil me or invite me along to all they planned. There is only one person taking the p!ss and it's not you OP.

bagpuss38

Well I went to apologise and it thrown in my face.

She feels like she is never invited to anything that I do with little ones.
Never occurred to me that a 21 year would want to go the cinema to see disney planes

Everything the little ones have had she has had.

She feels as said, that there are two families in this house.
I'm exhausted by her demands.

balletshoes

marisco wrote: »

The only thing you owe your daughter now is a bit of tough love and a reality check. She is an adult way beyond the age where mummy returns home with sweeties and treats for her. Most 22 year olds would be horrified to be included in the same things as their much younger siblings! At your daughters age I had left home and was running my own life. Not expecting my folks to sub me, spoil me or invite me along to all they planned. There is only one person taking the p!ss and it's not you OP.

I originally felt the same way as you when I read this thread marisco - I also had left my parents' home by the age of 22, was working and paying my own way etc.

However, this girl is still living at home, she's just started work, and she's a part of the family unit - so in her case, I'd also feel hacked off if everyone else in the family home was invited out for a family day, and I wasn't considered.

I do think she sounds a bit childish if she's peeved that she doesn't get a sweetie when the younger kids do, hopefully when she's working and around more adults she'll grow out of it.

marisco_2

Hmmm the real world is going to come as one almighty shock to your daughter when she starts to make her way in it. Then she may sit back and realise just how much you have done for her and start to appreciate you OP.

whitewing

It's only about increasing communication so that she feels included in what you're doing and, if she is paying for herself, there is time for her to gather the money. Sounds like she wants to join in the joy of the children and you are not allowing her to, but of course there will also be times when she'll rather go with friends.

balletshoes

bagpuss38 wrote: »

Well I went to apologise and it thrown in my face.

She feels like she is never invited to anything that I do with little ones.
Never occurred to me that a 21 year would want to go the cinema to see disney planes

Everything the little ones have had she has had.

She feels as said, that there are two families in this house.
I'm exhausted by her demands.

the apology was thrown in your face - or are your daughter's feelings valid and neither of you are in the right place to listen to each other and discuss things?

(i'd totally go see Disney Planes with anyone who invited me by the way, and I'm more than double your daughter's age . My nephew would too - he's 19).

Person_one

bagpuss38 wrote: »

Well I went to apologise and it thrown in my face.

She feels like she is never invited to anything that I do with little ones.
Never occurred to me that a 21 year would want to go the cinema to see disney planes

Everything the little ones have had she has had.

She feels as said, that there are two families in this house.
I'm exhausted by her demands.

That doesn't sound like she was 'throwing it in your face', that sounds like she was telling you how she feels, left out and separate from the unit you've made with your new husband and younger children.

I think a heart to heart would be a better idea than getting annoyed with her. 22 isn't so old that you don't still want to feel loved and valued by your mum and that your company is wanted by your family.

Also, I'm a fair bit older than your daughter but I love doing 'kiddie' things with my nieces and nephews. Don't assume she won't be interested, if you love the children you'll love doing stuff with them.

michelle2008

This is difficult to comment On because we are only hearing your side.

Your daughter may well be spoilt - it seems odd that a woman of her age expects her mum to buy her sweets. However, it also seems odd that you arranged a family day out and didn't think of inviting her.

She is clearly jealous. You can't treat all your children equally because of the age difference, but you sound like you could try a bit harder with her. Why not suggest a girls night out to the cinema - a Disney free zone?

Have a calm chat - explain you love everyone equally - the younger ones just need a lot more of your time - but you really enjoy having grown up conversation too?

Treat her like an adult - explain the money situation.
She does need to grow up a bit - but too much tough love at this stage could push her away.

marleyboy

Op, next time you take the kids to softplay, INSIST she comes along and plays on the slides.