Getting elderly dad to look after house

margaretclare

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

The place I pointed out is a back-street urban pub

Definitely not 'posh' by anyone's standards!

seven-day-weekend

margaretclare wrote: »

Definitely not 'posh' by anyone's standards!

No....but still 'eating out' which apparently is too posh for people like her.

margaretclare

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

No....but still 'eating out' which apparently is too posh for people like her.

Well, I don't know what she thinks of as 'posh', then. How about all the people we see out on a sunny weekend, going for a pub meal with family and friends? I wouldn't describe any of them as 'posh' in any way. Just ordinary people! Why are all the pubs doing so well by offering Sunday lunch? You can't get into some of them, they're crowded out!

aggypanthus

Kesstra, and the others who took offence at me, I will relate my experience.

80 yr old dad, home from hospital, asked us to put his bed in living room. This became permanent, he began to stay there all day. He wasnt so ill he couldnt getup, he just lost the will.He lost all interest in tv, newspaper, reading books.
4 of us siblings cooked and shopped . Me and Dh cleaned bathroom and kitchen, minimal washing as he didnt change often.
His GP said he was entitled to live this way!?
I had frustration, upset and tears that we could do no more!
It took a collapse in the hallway , to alert s crisis team, by which time he had no will left to fight against care.
He had 6 great happy months in a small home, till he passed away due to just old age.
He had no heart probs or any other illness.


He went a yr without a bath or shower. My sisters and I offered to aid , as did brov
he refused daycare, refused bathing service, he stopped going to the toilet and found himself a bucket by his bed to piddle in!

Savvy_Sue

What is brother doing about laundry? Can't he sort out a washing machine, or trips to the launderette? Or does he share Dad's views about it being 'women's work'?

System

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

What is brother doing about laundry? Can't he sort out a washing machine, or trips to the launderette? Or does he share Dad's views about it being 'women's work'?

Whatever his views are he's living in it. You'd think he'd want to do something about it.

Reams

aggypanthus wrote: »

Paul, you seem detatched and without empathy for your father, only displaying your resentment and anger.

I dont see any feedback from you re suggestions to muck in yourself, discretely and quietly.

Gleek, your post on this.. my family tackled it this way.

Are we reading the same thread? I see Paul as being very concerned for his dad and wishing he spent some of his money on himself. Paul could of course ignore the situation and just wait for the inheritance, but no, he wants his dad to be comfortable.
@Margaret Clare. In all the years that I have read this forum, I have never seen you post a kind word about your fellow oldies, when they don't cope as well as you, with your husband's support of course.
Your daughter has no contact with you you've told us. Paul is in constant contact with his dad.

aggypanthus

To add to my post above, my dad weigh ed 7.5 st when he passed.
In all we had 4/5yrs caring for him at home.
I have read back the entire thread again and empathise with the experiences you have all detailed.It has upset me greatly bringing back my memories and writing down.
omg I am in floods now, why didnt I still have my dad
when I got breast cancer last yr?



paul, good luck x

Reams

[quote=[Deleted User];66325873]They had an outside toilet. Bath was tub of hot water in front of the fire.

Working class- yes. South Wales valleys mining community. Both my grandfathers were miners too.[/QUOTE] My Father was in the Welsh Guards rather than the mines as were all his brothers.
Not the easy option of course, fighting for six years as cannon fodder in Dunkirk and Normandy and the rest. Never spoke about it, privacy again, but also modesty. The men in those days were modest, which I may be misinterpreting as privacy.
That in their old age hasn't left them.

Reams

Paul, we know you love Wales and so do I. Made a Welsh lorry driver wave this morning and laugh, but please remove the silly dancing things as they are driving me mad. Not needed.