Invited to wedding but without baby - help!

sulphate

schwam66 wrote: »

the poster makes no mention if it being a crying upset child or any issue with it like that, looks specifically to me anyway its a concern about the feeding situation....where does he mention 'my child crys to be held and wont go down and is screaming all night' ???

You're missing the point, I think notanewuser was mentioning the reasons why a baby wouldn't be welcome at a wedding.

notanewuser

We had lots of babies and small children at our wedding. Unfortunately, none of the parents had the sense to take them out of the room when they made a fuss during the ceremony. A friend videoed it for us and all you can hear is high pitched screaming, shushing and babies crying. So I can understand why others wouldn't want babies and children at their weddings!!

duchy

As you have your parents there to help out too the simplest solution is to book a hotel room at the reception venue if it is at a hotel or as near as possible if it isn't and care for the child in shifts as you really want to attend.

Personally if I was attachment parenting I'd probably not bother going but you do have choices so decide what works best for you but ultimately it is just one day and routines can and do get broken for a variety of reasons and the baby doesn't suffer (although the parents might)

schwam66

sulphate wrote: »

You're missing the point, I think notanewuser was mentioning the reasons why a baby wouldn't be welcome at a wedding.

you may be right...but a strange thing to say, surely if your child is crying during a big event like a wedding is you just stepp outside or into the hall.....

edit: seen there most recent post.....crazy ppl dont have respect to pop out of the room.....

duchy

schwam66 wrote: »

the poster makes no mention if it being a crying upset child or any issue with it like that, looks specifically to me anyway its a concern about the feeding situation....where does he mention 'my child crys to be held and wont go down and is screaming all night' ???

Bit of a stretch .
Some couples choose to have a grown up event or simply can't or don't want to pay for children who won't even touch an expensive meal....or have family or friends whose kids have never learned how to behave and to avoid the few ruining the day for the many opt to exclude all children. After all what bride wants to be confronted by an angry guest demanding to know why their children were excluded when their cousins weren't .

Whilst it is natural that for us our children are the centre of our universe it is also natural that the same doesn't apply to all our friends and family.

Ultimately the key word is invitation.....to be accepted.......or declined if the event doesn't suit.

Ceremony noise is only one of many possible reasons.

duchy

schwam66 wrote: »

you may be right...but a strange thing to say, surely if your child is crying during a big event like a wedding is you just stepp outside or into the hall.....

edit: seen there most recent post.....crazy ppl dont have respect to pop out of the room.....

The last two funerals I've attended people had mobiles go off and in one case the person answered it and walked out mid service talking of the phone :eek:

You can't assume people know how to act appropriately.

Anatidaephobia

Assuming the wedding isn't very soon, there is time to adapt the routine and make changes to prepare for the day when it comes. Are you parents able to look after your baby at night? If so, you could have some 'test runs' where he stays at their house before the wedding which may be a less stressful way of trying it out.

retepetsir

notanewuser wrote: »

This is where rigid routines fall down IMO. There has to be some flexibility else you're unable to do anything else.

My friend returned to work when her daughter was 9 months old. She panicked about breastfeeding, because baby refused to take milk any other way than from the boob. She left expressed milk but dad couldn't get it into her. In the end baby wouldn't have milk during the day on those days, but would feed as soon as my friend got home, and then more frequently during the night on those days.

It's not a bad idea to have someone else be able to put him down at night - you never know when you might need that and it helps if it's not the first time when you do!

Is he really only having 3 feeds a day? That seems very few for one so young.

Thanks for all of the advice so far, I will see if I can provide some more info.

I say later in the year, its the beginning of October so less than 6 weeks away.

He's so far refused to take expressed milk from me at all, including bottle (doesn't help with teething), sippy cup, beaker. It took a few weeks to get BF established so I don't exactly expect him to want to go back to another form of delivery! We've tried for a while now.

He's been having BF milk in his breakfast, etc already and will take water from a sippy cup but not milk. It might taste odd I guess and be a slightly different temperature!

I mention 3 feeds but its probably 3 larger feeds, one first thing, one or two during the day and one before bed but this does vary, he then often has feed in-between so 4/5/6 total isn't unusual. He's definitely cut down so maybe that will help.

I also say that our routine isn't that rigid, its literally been in the last few weeks where he's now crawling and expending energy so he seems to take regular naps. The evening is difficult though as by then he's exhausted so we can't expect him to go longer than say 8pm (it used to be midnight, then 10/11ish but he's naturally worked back to 7-8pm himself). I'm not sure we'd be able to keep him happy until say 9ish when we can get back after the meal! Although that might be an option?

He's already on 3 decent meals a day plus snacks, along with the milk and he often goes for quite a while without wanting a feed, however its the pre-bedtime once which we'd be skipping and that was our concern.

It's not so much my fear but my other halves. Daytime is fine, we've left him with grandparents on quite a few occasions. It's the late afternoon/evening bit which looks tricky.

There's no mention of him on the invite, just us. For our wedding we specifically included children on the invites.

As for baby attending, no issues at all if this is the case but it isn't. No issues with BF in public! However there are so many people going that no children have been invited due to numbers, and they can't really say one thing for us and another for the rest. He's also very well behaved and generally quiet unless he's hungry, of which we know the signs. We've already been to other events including christenings.

I'm getting slightly confused at some of the replies, I'm not sure if all of you are parents?

Delaying a feed during the day usually isn't an issue, its the pre-night feed which I don't think many people are able to avoid, unless I'm being mis-informed? We don't mind breaking the routine at all (to be honest, we're only just in one), but to give that feed at all seems difficult. I guess we could try it beforehand and see what happens. At a bare minimum we were told morning and evening.

Sorry for the long reply! Our main concern was working out the pre-bedtime feed. He used to go to bed later but now this isn't the case, unless we get the grandparents to keep him up longer than usual. As I'm sure lots of you know, once they're overtired it can be hell!

With the meal at 5-5.30pm start and after speeches we'd probably be looking at 8pm or so? We could probably get back home around 9.30pm.

Thanks for the advice

mrsd1984

Have one of the grandparents ever tried bottle feeding when neither of you are around? Baby could associate breastfeeding with you and would find it difficult to break that habit.

I understand how you don't want him not to have that feed. Nutritionally losing one feed, or giving it another way (weetabix or something) won't cause any harm, but I do understand how babies like routines, and how milk before bed is a big one. My ds is 12 months and that's one feed he has never missed so I do sympathise. 6 weeks is quite a lot of time if you do want to introduce a cup/beaker. It may be tough going but it's not impossible. It depends on what you want to do, though.

notanewuser

retepetsir wrote: »

Thanks for all of the advice so far, I will see if I can provide some more info.

I say later in the year, its the beginning of October so less than 6 weeks away.

He's so far refused to take expressed milk from me at all, including bottle (doesn't help with teething), sippy cup, beaker. It took a few weeks to get BF established so I don't exactly expect him to want to go back to another form of delivery! We've tried for a while now.

He's been having BF milk in his breakfast, etc already and will take water from a sippy cup but not milk. It might taste odd I guess and be a slightly different temperature!

I mention 3 feeds but its probably 3 larger feeds, one first thing, one or two during the day and one before bed but this does vary, he then often has feed in-between so 4/5/6 total isn't unusual. He's definitely cut down so maybe that will help.

I also say that our routine isn't that rigid, its literally been in the last few weeks where he's now crawling and expending energy so he seems to take regular naps. The evening is difficult though as by then he's exhausted so we can't expect him to go longer than say 8pm (it used to be midnight, then 10/11ish but he's naturally worked back to 7-8pm himself). I'm not sure we'd be able to keep him happy until say 9ish when we can get back after the meal! Although that might be an option?

He's already on 3 decent meals a day plus snacks, along with the milk and he often goes for quite a while without wanting a feed, however its the pre-bedtime once which we'd be skipping and that was our concern.

It's not so much my fear but my other halves. Daytime is fine, we've left him with grandparents on quite a few occasions. It's the late afternoon/evening bit which looks tricky.

There's no mention of him on the invite, just us. For our wedding we specifically included children on the invites.

As for baby attending, no issues at all if this is the case but it isn't. No issues with BF in public! However there are so many people going that no children have been invited due to numbers, and they can't really say one thing for us and another for the rest. He's also very well behaved and generally quiet unless he's hungry, of which we know the signs. We've already been to other events including christenings.

I'm getting slightly confused at some of the replies, I'm not sure if all of you are parents?

Delaying a feed during the day usually isn't an issue, its the pre-night feed which I don't think many people are able to avoid, unless I'm being mis-informed? We don't mind breaking the routine at all (to be honest, we're only just in one), but to give that feed at all seems difficult. I guess we could try it beforehand and see what happens. At a bare minimum we were told morning and evening.

Sorry for the long reply! Our main concern was working out the pre-bedtime feed. He used to go to bed later but now this isn't the case, unless we get the grandparents to keep him up longer than usual. As I'm sure lots of you know, once they're overtired it can be hell!

With the meal at 5-5.30pm start and after speeches we'd probably be looking at 8pm or so? We could probably get back home around 9.30pm.

Thanks for the advice

1.5 hours to travel 20 miles?!

You could try giving something like rice pudding instead of the night time feed once or twice and see what happens. He may wake earlier for a feed in the night, or want an extra feed etc. you've nothing to lose by trying now. (Get your OH to express the night feed so that she keeps her supply up.)