Invited to wedding but without baby - help!

retepetsir

Good morning all

I'm posting this as we have a bit of a family dilemma. We have very kindly been invited to a friend's wedding day later this year. However, we have a baby who will be 10 months at that time, is breastfeeding and is not included on the invite. We are obviously happy to respect their wishes and would still like to attend.

Our main issue is with the breastfeeding. My other half hasn't spent much time apart from him yet as he refuses to take a bottle/beaker/cup of milk (and has been on solids and water from a beaker for a while now). We are finally getting into a routine where he is sleeping better at night, likely due to being more active, but this also means he has his bedtime milk feed at around 6.30-7pm and is asleep by 7.30pm. He's gradually reduced his feeds but is still having an average of 3 or so a day, and we can't imagine dropping his pre-bedtime feed!

So does anyone have any ideas for what we could do?

The wedding ceremony is early afternoon and then the meal is scheduled for ~5pm (this can obviously get delayed). It's all taking place around 20 miles from home. I'm not sure we could leave halfway through the meal.

So far we've arranged for my parents to look after him during the day but that is it. I am contemplating booking a local hotel room just to bring him down and then we can do shifts in the evening for his bedtime and I'll then stay there with him, however this will be a strange location and different to the home routine. Or otherwise my parents driving down just for the bedtime feed and then that'll hopefully settle him down?

Nobody else has yet put him to bed other than us, so we're panicking slightly now! I'm going to keep trying a bottle/beaker with expressed milk but we've been trying for weeks now.

The alternative is to not go but that seems a great shame after already accepting.

Panic! :eek:

GwylimT

We wouldn't attend the wedding if he was our little one.

retepetsir

I think we've been starting to realise this.... at the time of accepting the invite we'd hoped he'd have been in a routine. It has taken a lot of work to get one successfully running and it doesn't really fit in with the wedding timings. I did check hotels but we're looking at £200+ for one night!

I'm not sure if we've left it too late to change our minds . We didn't go to the stag/hen do's so we feel guilty anyway. Difficult!

My OH is panicking over leaving him though .

Edit: I'm wondering if we could just attend the daytime ceremony, but then it may be a bit late to cancel on the rest of it?!

CH27

When is the wedding & how badly do you want to be there?

Gloomendoom

I'd just go to the daytime ceremony. In the circumstances, I doubt your friends will mind.

mrsd1984

You've got to do what's best for you and your lo. We've recently been to a wedding where ds wasn't invited (he's 12 months), but I don't breastfeed so wasn't an issue for us to leave him, and he was happy being left with my parents. To be honest, it ended up being a lovely evening where both dh and I could have a drink (very rare!!) and not be woken early the following morning.

How much time have you got until the wedding? I mean would you attempt to express in that time so lo could take some milk from a bottle/beaker/cup? It completely depends on whether it is a route you would be happy to go down. From what I understand (couldn't breastfeed, so what I've heard from others), you could choose one feed a day where you feed him instead of your wife because your lo would be very reluctant to take milk from her when he can smell her milk. I hope that makes sense, and as I said it is only an option if you wanted to try it.

You are perfectly within your rights, though, to attend the day and leave before the evening. Let them know beforehand and explain your reasons, I'm sure they'd understand.

tyllwyd

How long it is until the wedding - is it days away / weeks / months? If it's a few months, that's a long time in a baby's life so things could have changed quite a lot by then. If it's in a while, and your parents are happy to babysit, I think I'd go, but be ready to leave early if they can't get him settled.

mrsHall2b

try making up rusks/porridge with expressed milk, getting baby used to milk. usually its the closeness which makes them turn down bottles, my DD1 was the same..

will he take expressed milk from anything other than a bottle? sippy cup? through a straw etc? he may just not like bottle teats!

hope you manage to sort something

notanewuser

This is where rigid routines fall down IMO. There has to be some flexibility else you're unable to do anything else.

My friend returned to work when her daughter was 9 months old. She panicked about breastfeeding, because baby refused to take milk any other way than from the boob. She left expressed milk but dad couldn't get it into her. In the end baby wouldn't have milk during the day on those days, but would feed as soon as my friend got home, and then more frequently during the night on those days.

It's not a bad idea to have someone else be able to put him down at night - you never know when you might need that and it helps if it's not the first time when you do!

Is he really only having 3 feeds a day? That seems very few for one so young.

view

THis happened at my wedding (although the baby was invited). The couple in question simply stayed in the hotel where our reception was being held and hired a sitter for the night. The mum popped upstairs to feed/check on the wee one from time to time and both parents enjoyed their night.

Nicki

At 10 months the baby will be fine to miss one or more of his or her normal breast feeds even if they won't take a bottle. They will just make up for it at the next feed. They will be on solids at that point so can have a yoghurt or milky meal instead and water if thirsty. And even if they object to being put to bed by the grandparents a way through will be found by both and one night being unusual will not spoil your bedtime routine forever.

Like another poster when I returned to work when my DD was 7 months old she would not take expressed or formula milk from a bottle, so she didn't have any milk at all between 8am and 6pm on days I was working and fed normally outside those times and she was fine and happy with this and thrived well. You may need to express at the wedding just to relieve some pressure however and make sure you wear breast pads just in case of leakage!