Invited to wedding but without baby - help!

duchy

I'm not having a go but if your husband was an usher so presumably close to the groom......Did you never even discuss your husband going alone ....or getting a babysitter ?

I admit I had a child free wedding - None of my friends had a problem with it but one cousin did and threw a tantrum and came out with the phrase "If my child isn't welcome then I'm not coming" He miscalculated a bit as we'd only invited him because we felt we had to as we wanted his siblings there so my Mum very quickly told him she was sorry he felt that way but she completely understood and would mark him as not coming...... As she put the phone down she heard a "!but,but" . Admittedly over the years he has caused problems and drama -and my brother point blank refused to allow him at my Mum's funeral (but left me to break the news- cheers Bro !) so it's little wonder he was only invited in the first place out of duty.
Sometimes people draw a line - and won't give in to emotional blackmail regardless of the pressure put on them.

kettlefish

I do agree that it's the bride and groom's day and they can celebrate how they like. However there seem to be an awful lot of couples ) who ignore their loved ones' circumstances when arranging their big days. Fair enough have it overseas, or choose not to invite children, but be gracious and willing to accept not everyone will make it.

A friend is a bridesmaid for her best friend from school; of the 3 bms two have 2 kids each. Bride is going to Italy and insisting on a highly niche expensive venue - plus a hen do abroad for a weekend too! People all need to realise it is not all about them!

notanewuser

Ziggazee wrote: »

But weddings should facilitate the choices of the bride and groom and only them. It's their day and they shouldn't feel obliged to do anything to make anyone else happy. Other peoples selfishness is what is making me dread ever planning my wedding. I don't want children there.......not because of this that and the other.......I just don't......end of

Whilst I see your point, with elderly relatives coming and another I. A wheelchair we did consider other people's needs when choosing things at our wedding, eg no steps, plenty of comfortable seating, rooms where guests could sit and talk without having to fight with a disco etc. For us the ceremony was about us, but the celebration was for everyone invited, including the children.

duchy

notanewuser wrote: »

For us the ceremony was about us, but the celebration was for everyone invited, including the children.

Indeed the people you CHOSE to invite.......... not the ones you didn't or were pressured to add on .

notanewuser

kettlefish wrote: »

I do agree that it's the bride and groom's day and they can celebrate how they like. However there seem to be an awful lot of couples ) who ignore their loved ones' circumstances when arranging their big days. Fair enough have it overseas, or choose not to invite children, but be gracious and willing to accept not everyone will make it.

IIRC we had around 80 day guests (including the bridal party). That included around 6 people neither of us had met (partners of guests) and about 14 children. Had we said no kids around 24 adults wouldn't have been able to come (most travelled 150 miles plus) including the best man. So almost half of the total group! While some of those children provided an unwanted soundtrack to the ceremony, 10 years on I'm still glad they were there.

notanewuser

duchy wrote: »

Indeed the people you CHOSE to invite.......... not the ones you didn't or were pressured to add on .

Actually there were some that DH's parents wanted to invite. Turned out DH hadn't thought of inviting them before (close family friends, not relatives) but we accommodated that without expecting costs to be covered.

Person_one

kettlefish wrote: »

I do agree that it's the bride and groom's day and they can celebrate how they like. However there seem to be an awful lot of couples ) who ignore their loved ones' circumstances when arranging their big days. Fair enough have it overseas, or choose not to invite children, but be gracious and willing to accept not everyone will make it.

A friend is a bridesmaid for her best friend from school; of the 3 bms two have 2 kids each. Bride is going to Italy and insisting on a highly niche expensive venue - plus a hen do abroad for a weekend too! People all need to realise it is not all about them!

I'm no fan of the 'I'm a special princess and nobody else matters' attitude, but the situation you're talking about is very different to having a fairly normal local wedding but adults only.

sharnad

greenwoodlad wrote: »

We were invited to my friends wedding - I was going to be an usher - but our 3 young children were not on the invite...we had a decision to make and they would not relent - they wouldn't have the kids at the wedding - so we said we wouldn't be going ..very difficult - our relationship with them has never been the same since - but our kids are our family ...that's it! Weddings are surely a time for families, children all to celebrate, we had children at our wedding and i think there were a couple of noisy ones ...mums took them out for a few minutes...why would you expect all your family & friends to leave their own children at home ...weddings are family celebrations:):)

The family of the bride and groom and it sup to them who they invite. If you get invited to a wedding without children them you decide to not go or find someone to look after them. Plenty of people choose to have child free weddings

Gavin83

Some people are !!!!! whipped on here. If I specified no children on my invite (and I wouldn't have children at my wedding) and someone still turned up with a kid I'd be telling them they were no longer welcome at my wedding and asking them to leave, regardless of who they were.

duchy

Different traditions, varying budgets, differing expectations all play a part as we are all different......but a bit of respect for those differences wouldn't hurt.

At least one poster on this thread has lost a friend because they couldn't respect the couples wishes on just one day. It's really sad.