Invited to wedding but without baby - help!

seven-day-weekend

greenwoodlad wrote: »

We were invited to my friends wedding - I was going to be an usher - but our 3 young children were not on the invite...we had a decision to make and they would not relent - they wouldn't have the kids at the wedding - so we said we wouldn't be going ..very difficult - our relationship with them has never been the same since - but our kids are our family ...that's it! Weddings are surely a time for families, children all to celebrate, we had children at our wedding and i think there were a couple of noisy ones ...mums took them out for a few minutes...why would you expect all your family & friends to leave their own children at home ...weddings are family celebrations:):)

Because often if peoples' children are invited, there is no room for the bride's/groom's friends and family. They only need four families like yours to not be able to invite twelve members of their own families. You say your kids are your family. Would you expect them to invite other members of your family too?

Carl31

It's threads like this that make me wonder how people think the human race ever survived

A slight disruption in a babies routine is hardly going to send it's world crashing in, in fact it will probably help it cope later when things can't go to plan, as there will be many many more times that it can't have a bottle at 5 pm

we left our youngest at 6 months with our parents and went to Rome for 4 days, Iknow that this comment will probably make parents on here faint and get on the phone to social services, but she was fine, which isn't that much of a shock

we had no kids at our wedding too, except our own and a couple of newborns who asked specifically.

burnoutbabe

greenwoodlad wrote: »

We were invited to my friends wedding - I was going to be an usher - but our 3 young children were not on the invite...we had a decision to make and they would not relent - they wouldn't have the kids at the wedding - so we said we wouldn't be going ..very difficult - our relationship with them has never been the same since - but our kids are our family ...that's it! Weddings are surely a time for families, children all to celebrate, we had children at our wedding and i think there were a couple of noisy ones ...mums took them out for a few minutes...why would you expect all your family & friends to leave their own children at home ...weddings are family celebrations:):)

could you have not gone on your own to support your friend?

hawk30

Carl31 wrote: »

It's threads like this that make me wonder how people think the human race ever survived

A slight disruption in a babies routine is hardly going to send it's world crashing in, in fact it will probably help it cope later when things can't go to plan, as there will be many many more times that it can't have a bottle at 5 pm

we left our youngest at 6 months with our parents and went to Rome for 4 days, Iknow that this comment will probably make parents on here faint and get on the phone to social services, but she was fine, which isn't that much of a shock

we had no kids at our wedding too, except our own and a couple of newborns who asked specifically.

Wow. My newborn couldn't ask for anything.

We've never been 'this is your routine and you must stick to it' parents. But ever since she decided what her own routine was, it's proved difficult to vary without dire consequences for us. We're going to a wedding soon and we will be leaving just before her bedtime (it's a family wedding, so no babysitters available and we don't leave her with strangers). Nothing is going to stop her getting tired at her normal time and if she falls asleep at the venue, she will wake up when we get to the hotel, and keep us awake for the rest of the night. Given that the festivities continue the next day, I'd prefer for us all to be well rested.

Ziggazee

greenwoodlad wrote: »

We were invited to my friends wedding - I was going to be an usher - but our 3 young children were not on the invite...we had a decision to make and they would not relent - they wouldn't have the kids at the wedding - so we said we wouldn't be going ..very difficult - our relationship with them has never been the same since - but our kids are our family ...that's it! Weddings are surely a time for families, children all to celebrate, we had children at our wedding and i think there were a couple of noisy ones ...mums took them out for a few minutes...why would you expect all your family & friends to leave their own children at home ...weddings are family celebrations:):)

But weddings should facilitate the choices of the bride and groom and only them. It's their day and they shouldn't feel obliged to do anything to make anyone else happy. Other peoples selfishness is what is making me dread ever planning my wedding. I don't want children there.......not because of this that and the other.......I just don't......end of

Georgiegirl256

greenwoodlad wrote: »

We were invited to my friends wedding - I was going to be an usher - but our 3 young children were not on the invite...we had a decision to make and they would not relent - they wouldn't have the kids at the wedding - so we said we wouldn't be going ..very difficult - our relationship with them has never been the same since - but our kids are our family ...that's it! Weddings are surely a time for families, children all to celebrate, we had children at our wedding and i think there were a couple of noisy ones ...mums took them out for a few minutes...why would you expect all your family & friends to leave their own children at home ...weddings are family celebrations:):)

Yes, weddings can be a time for families, but it isn't quite so black and white. Ultimately it's the bride and grooms big day, so how they choose to go about it is their choice is it not?

You ask "why would you expect all your family & friends to leave their own children at home?". Well, it could be down to many things such as venue size, budget, people they want there more than some friend or relatives kids they don't know that well perhaps? If people invited your kids then they'd have to invite their other friends kids and then their other friends kids and cousin Bobs kids etc etc and on it goes. Some people's budgets just don't stretch to that.

Then, if they only invited certain families, other people would be like "well how come their kids are more important than mine? Why can't mine come along too?" Surely you can understand why people don't invite kids to weddings? It's like having to invite distant family/parents friends you haven't seen for years/don't know, if you invite one, you've got to invite them all, and you can't invite everyone unless you've got a massive venue and unlimited budget.

Better_Days

greenwoodlad wrote: »

We were invited to my friends wedding - I was going to be an usher - but our 3 young children were not on the invite...we had a decision to make and they would not relent - they wouldn't have the kids at the wedding - so we said we wouldn't be going ..very difficult - our relationship with them has never been the same since - but our kids are our family ...that's it! Weddings are surely a time for families, children all to celebrate, we had children at our wedding and i think there were a couple of noisy ones ...mums took them out for a few minutes...why would you expect all your family & friends to leave their own children at home ...weddings are family celebrations:):)

I think weddings are to celebrate the joyful commitment of two people for life. As it is their commitment (and they are likely paying the bill at the end of the day) I see it as totally up to the couple who they do and don't invite. For some children are an integral part of the commitment, for others, either through choice or circumstance children are not part of the commitment.

It is up to the couple to decide what is important on their day, not the attendees.

Person_one

greenwoodlad wrote: »

We were invited to my friends wedding - I was going to be an usher - but our 3 young children were not on the invite...we had a decision to make and they would not relent - they wouldn't have the kids at the wedding - so we said we wouldn't be going ..very difficult - our relationship with them has never been the same since - but our kids are our family ...that's it! Weddings are surely a time for families, children all to celebrate, we had children at our wedding and i think there were a couple of noisy ones ...mums took them out for a few minutes...why would you expect all your family & friends to leave their own children at home ...weddings are family celebrations:):)

I'm not surprised your relationship suffered. You were close enough to be an usher, but rather than get a babysitter for one night like most reasonable parents would if invited to an adults only wedding, you threw a strop and boycotted the whole thing.

If they'd invited you and not your wife, that would be bad manners, but there's no rule or social convention that children must be invited wherever their parents are.

BarryBlue

Ziggazee wrote: »

But weddings should facilitate the choices of the bride and groom and only them. It's their day and they shouldn't feel obliged to do anything to make anyone else happy. Other peoples selfishness is what is making me dread ever planning my wedding. I don't want children there.......not because of this that and the other.......I just don't......end of

You should do what you feel is right for you. If you don't want children at your wedding, don't have them. If people can't attend without their offspring then they should accept that they won't be there.

My first wedding was marred by friends who had 3 unruly children. Two were messing around during the ceremony and the youngest proceeded to scream the place down. The mother had to be forcibly told to take it outside because nobody could hear what was going on.

My second wedding was strictly adults only. It was a much smaller do, and the unruly lot never even got an invite. It was a delightful day and frankly was all the better without noisy brats.

*max*

greenwoodlad wrote: »

We were invited to my friends wedding - I was going to be an usher - but our 3 young children were not on the invite...we had a decision to make and they would not relent - they wouldn't have the kids at the wedding - so we said we wouldn't be going ..very difficult - our relationship with them has never been the same since - but our kids are our family ...that's it! Weddings are surely a time for families, children all to celebrate, we had children at our wedding and i think there were a couple of noisy ones ...mums took them out for a few minutes...why would you expect all your family & friends to leave their own children at home ...weddings are family celebrations:):)

Yes, weddings are a time for families and friends. The bride and groom's families and friends! You were the groom's friend, your children were not, put simply.

At your own wedding, feel free to invite (and pay for!) whoever you like. Other people don't have to though, it's their choice and nothing to do with you. If you couldn't respect their choice and be there to support your friend anyway (a close friend too I imagine, if you were to be an usher), then I'm not surprised you fell out over it.