Is he being immature?

purpleshoes_2

jaylee3 wrote: »

Yes, most people are intelligent and clued up enough to know that 'face like a wet weekend' is a similar saying, and that is also rude.

Funny how people think they can say what they want, and be as rude as they like, and think it's OK, because it's 'just an expression.'

The shoe would be on the other foot, if the same thing was being said about the people who think it's acceptable though.

But I am sure they will come and say 'no WE wouldn't be offended, WE would laugh it off.' Yeah right.

I didnt actually say I used the expression did I? By the way, Ive had much worse said to me over the years, Ive worked in jobs where a face like a well smacked backside as a phrase would be considered tame. Surely people's perception of whether that phrase is rude depends on their own lives and profession. Many professions deal with people at the sharp end who would eff and blind at you and call you every name under the sun. Some people might work in a job where if you said the word bloody you'd be in deep deep crap.

I dont think its productive for people to be nit picking over every single little thing. She might have been beaming from ear to ear, she might have had a face like thunder. But either way her relationship doesn't sound happy.

She asked the question is he immature and now everything is hunky dory and he is her poor baby.

I think they both need to grow up a bit from the sounds of it. Im prepared to be hung drawn and quartered for that statement but thats the way I see it.

January20

Tropez wrote: »

The user you quoted said it wasn't "just an expression" which means they do recognise it is an expression, however they, like others here, consider it to be a rude one - and I can see why. By using it, you compare someone's face to assaulted buttocks. Even the forum you're posting on censors one of the words in that phrase.

The phrase exists where I live and it is considered rude. If I used it at work to reference another employee I'd be facing disciplinary action. If I used it to refer to a client, I'd likely be fired on the spot for it. The OP herself expressed some sort of unhappiness with the use of the phrase. It isn't a nice phrase to use, even if you do believe it to be harmless.

This is exactly the way I understood the phrase "it isn't just an expression".

Where I live an within my circle of friends and acquaintances, using that phrase would be considered very rude because of the word censored by this forum. Using "wet weekend" instead would be see as much less offensive.

onlyroz

Well I'm not going to read all 9 pages but...

... there are other ways of showing your appreciation than actually saying "thank you". Did you express enthusiasm over the idea of going? Did you appear to be enjoying yourself while at the park? Did you talk about your day with enthusiasm once you'd left? If you did some or all of these things then it shouldn't have been necessary to explicitly say "thank you" because it should have been obvious that you appreciated and enjoyed the day out.

purpleshoes_2

onlyroz wrote: »

Well I'm not going to read all 9 pages but...

... there are other ways of showing your appreciation than actually saying "thank you". Did you express enthusiasm over the idea of going? Did you appear to be enjoying yourself while at the park? Did you talk about your day with enthusiasm once you'd left? If you did some or all of these things then it shouldn't have been necessary to explicitly say "thank you" because it should have been obvious that you appreciated and enjoyed the day out.

Or maybe taking him home and giving him a right old seeing to would have put a smile on his face.

(ps, Im not presuming the OP and her bf are actually sleeping together).

McCloud1

January20 wrote: »

This is exactly the way I understood the phrase "it isn't just an expression".

Where I live an within my circle of friends and acquaintances, using that phrase would be considered very rude because of the word censored by this forum. Using "wet weekend" instead would be see as much less offensive.

jaylee3 wrote: »

Yes, most people are intelligent and clued up enough to know that 'face like a wet weekend' is a similar saying, and that is also rude.

Funny how people think they can say what they want, and be as rude as they like, and think it's OK, because it's 'just an expression.'




The shoe would be on the other foot, if the same thing was being said about the people who think it's acceptable though.

But I am sure they will come and say 'no WE wouldn't be offended, WE would laugh it off.' Yeah right.

This illustrates what I'm trying to say perfectly. January20, you believe one expression to be rude and the other not, jaylee sees both as rude, and others see neither as rude.


It's obvious how honest mistakes occur!

Tropez

McCloud1 wrote: »

Thank you very much, I've found it.


I understand what you are saying. I just felt that everybody assumed that the intention behind it was to be rude, purely on the basis of the expression, and just pointed out what I felt to be the obvious flaw in that.


When it comes to rudeness, I believe that the intention is more important than the recipient's reaction. Human communication is not an exact science and kicking off over an innocent mistake seems wasteful.

I understand what you're saying, although there are times when the response of others is far more important that the intention of the person saying it in my mind - for instance, there are countries where people commonly use words that we find offensive here. If those people visit this country then I would be inclined to argue that they need to adopt our concept of what is acceptable to say.

But it's not so much the phrase in this case. It's more about the fact that someone who used that phrase was so critical of another person earlier for what they perceived as a rude manner of posting. There's an irony that someone would complain over how someone expresses themselves in text, and then a day later use a phrase that at the very least is contentious as to whether it's rude or not. Typing in capital letters, as was the original argument, can be equally benign. I know some people consider it shouting, other people consider it a way of emphasising things because, after all, how do you actually shout in text?

It stands to reason that if you are to judge someone else for not upholding an unwritten code of etiquette then you open yourself to be judged for the same - like in the analogy I made about the folks who insist on deriding someone for their spelling abilities and in doing so make numerous mistakes themselves. The simplest solution of course is to just not set out to see the wrong in what other's do and then nobody can criticise you when you do the same.

McCloud1

Tropez wrote: »

I understand what you're saying, although there are times when the response of others is far more important that the intention of the person saying it in my mind - for instance, there are countries where people commonly use words that we find offensive here. If those people visit this country then I would be inclined to argue that they need to adopt our concept of what is acceptable to say.

But it's not so much the phrase in this case. It's more about the fact that someone who used that phrase was so critical of another person earlier for what they perceived as a rude manner of posting. There's an irony that someone would complain over how someone expresses themselves in text, and then a day later use a phrase that at the very least is contentious as to whether it's rude or not. Typing in capital letters, as was the original argument, can be equally benign. I know some people consider it shouting, other people consider it a way of emphasising things because, after all, how do you actually shout in text?

It stands to reason that if you are to judge someone else for not upholding an unwritten code of etiquette then you open yourself to be judged for the same - like in the analogy I made about the folks who insist on deriding someone for their spelling abilities and in doing so make numerous mistakes themselves. The simplest solution of course is to just not set out to see the wrong in what other's do and then nobody can criticise you when you do the same.

You raise many good points. I agree with your first paragraph entirely, however would suggest in this context that the offending user did not know whether everybody else here found it offensive until they reacted?


Granted that person should probably not use expressions that tend to be used benignly by those who don't mince their words, if they are then going to be precious.


Agreed, agreed, agreed . The spelling point is one that particularly annoys me. I don't like text speak, but some people are dyslexic/poor spellers/time pushed and smugly pointing it out is just not helpful...and worse when the perpetrators can't spell themselves!

marisco_2

McCloud1 wrote: »

When it comes to rudeness, I believe that the intention is more important than the recipient's reaction.

I disagree. I think before people speak they should carefully consider how their words and opinions will be perceived by and affect others. That is to just apply basic common sense and behave politely.

smifffy1989

Run- Sounds weird to be hung up on it so much after you apologised

Georgiegirl256

onlyroz wrote: »

... there are other ways of showing your appreciation than actually saying "thank you". Did you express enthusiasm over the idea of going? Did you appear to be enjoying yourself while at the park? Did you talk about your day with enthusiasm once you'd left? If you did some or all of these things then it shouldn't have been necessary to explicitly say "thank you" because it should have been obvious that you appreciated and enjoyed the day out.

This is what it boils down to. One could bypass a thank you if it was made clear that the recipient appeared to have enjoyed themselves on the day out. If they had made it clear then there would have been no need to ask because it would have been obvious that she did.

Did you have a good time OP? Apologies if I've missed it but I don't think I've read that you said that you did. If you didn't then perhaps it showed.