How to remove son's girlfriend

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't suppose you've ever been the minor partner in an abusive relationship.

Ifthis young man has been worn down by his GF, he will need help to tell her to go.

As the house she's living in belongs to the parents, why shouldn't they be involved in making sure she leaves quietly?

This situation could well be the wake-up they all need to see that this young man needs to get more experience of life and learn how to stand up for himself - whether that's just from leaving home and getting on with it or with some professional help is for them to decide.

Why are you assuming this is an abusive relationship?

lostinrates

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't suppose you've ever been the minor partner in an abusive relationship.

I have mojisola, and I don't agree with you. I was younger than this young man, but it was not my first realtionship. I also did not have support from my family. The police were great though.

Mojisola

Alfrescodave wrote: »

He does everything for her and basically waits on her hand and foot whilst she sits around watching TV.

we can hear the rows and verbal abuse she gives him.

Person_one wrote: »

Why are you assuming this is an abusive relationship?

I'm not assuming, I'm saying "if" because of the points in the first post.

As with all threads, the OP will read the range of replies and decide what's right for them to do.

burnoutbabe

do you have a spare room?

He needs to break up with her today. She should move into spare room whilst she is packing//crying finding somewhere else to live.

Does she have someone she can go and stay with? If no, then a weeks notice would be more reasonable.

Or you as parent ask them BOTH to leave, as their arguing is annoying. Give them both a weeks notice. If he won't break up with her, he leaves and sorts out next place with her.

Clearly, you asking her to leave will make her say "course, we'll both be off if I am not welcome" and then son will still have to say "um no, I'm staying" so break up happens anyway.

Tiddlywinks

Oh for goodness sake, this is a 19 year old girl we are talking about - one who the OP already described as immature.

Time for the son to admit he made a mistake in moving the GF in too soon.

Time for the 24 year old grown man to take responsibility for his own life.

Regardless of the circumstances, is it really appropriate to just bag up the girl's belongings and throw them out?

Is it right to just ask her to leave without giving her time to find somewhere else safe to go?

Why do you think she moved in so quickly? She may have been running away from something else.

You son made a commitment when he invited this girl to move in with him. He needs to 'man up' and help her to find somewhere else to go.

PolishBigSpender

Alfrescodave wrote: »

Son is 24

He should grow some balls and tell her himself. Honestly, what is with those guys these days??

System

You can tell her you want to leave your home. Its your house and why should you share it with someone you don't really know? If your son wont tell her just say you are sick of the rows and you don't want to live with it any more.

However it is down to your son to finish off the last of the relationship you really cant get involved in that.

However, take it from me, you need to keep out of the mud slinging as much as you can. No taking sides (even if you feel like ripping her head off). You see, 6 months down the line he might go back to her and then you risk being isolated from your son and the family they could have in the future.

Just keep smiling and be nice.:)

BigAunty

It would probably be best if the son could break off the relationship with her in a polite, diplomatic and respectful manner. Assuming that she can move back home or elsewhere quite easily, he could arrange to store her goods until she can return and pack up properly or perhaps offer to assist her with booking some transport to uplift her and her belongings, all part of the breakup process.

You say the girlfriend is immature so he (or you both) are expecting her to react badly. Perhaps one way of minimising upset to her is if he can do this with a high degree of privacy so you could always offer to absent yourself from the property while he breaks the bad news.

Mrs_Soup

He needs to tell her the relationship is over (assuming it actually is). You can back him up and help make arrangements for her to move out as soon as possible but not putting her stuff in black bags. She can go in the spare room as suggested in the interim or your son could for a night or two if she won't.

tinkerbell28

He should be telling her and I think personally a little time should be given so she can have the dignity of packing herself and finding somewhere else to go.

Even if it's a few days, it's just decency at the end of the day. He had no problems inviting her to live with him and likewise you took her in. That was the time to say no. No one is totally blameless in hindsight.

I would also keep it amicable. As you never know, living separately or a year or so town the line it could all work out. If you've been really awful. Well that's how fractured families start.