How to remove son's girlfriend

duchy

Is it just you and your son?
You don't mention a husband or partner just a we which could mean other children.
Was she living at home before? If not does she somewhere to go. If not a weeks notice would be decent.

You could allow your son to hide behind you and get you to do his dirty work if he's really that immature
Or
You could allow him to use you as an excuse "mum has had enough of us rowing so says either you go or we both go"
or
You could tell him he,s a man and to tell her himself and you don't care how he does it so long as she is gone by x day.

Packing her bags for her would be horrible and wrong. No matter how much you dislike her. Would you want your son treated that way if the boot was on the other foot.
No matter how unwisely you agreed she could move in after only a month so a lot of the mess is of your making. Had they just dated for longer the problems with the relationship would have shown sooner.

You couldn't say no to your baby boy then .....and it has led unsurprisingly to problems..........you need to cut the apron strings and tell him he needs to tell her today to be gone by the end of tomorrow ....otherwise BOTH of their stuff will be out.

He's a man of 23 not a boy. Stop arranging his life for him. Let him make his mistakes it's how we learn.

Kynthia

This girl is only a teenager, while your son is older. You both need to treat her better; him by having the decency and maturity to break up with her himself, and you by acting like a responsible adult and ensuring that she is okay and has somewhere to go.

Carl31

As a young lad, my parents let me make my own mistakes with girlfriends

He's an adult, you can't hold his hand forever

Artytarty

Hang on, what makes you all think the OP, Alfrescodave, is the mother of the lad , not the father?
Have I missed something?
I agree, don't be too harsh on her at nineteen, however if she really is verbally or physically abusing your son, she has to go . Soon as.

lostinrates

Mojisola wrote: »

If this was a daughter who was being undermined and abused by a BF, I doubt that the advice would be that she had to face up to him and send him on his way. A man can be in an abusive relationship and need support and help to get out of it.

I would go along with ciderwithrosie's suggestion unless he really can't face it.

I don't know.

I agree, both sexes can suffer abuse, and neither should have to , or be expected to alone.

But one wonders how much this young man has had to stand up for himself in life. And also, that this is an understandably biased account.

It seems fair that he should, for him self as much as her, the end of the relationship talk, even if he is not alone in the house at the time and has back up on hand.

duchy

Artytarty wrote: »

Hang on, what makes you all think the OP, Alfrescodave, is the mother of the lad , not the father?
Have I missed something?
I agree, don't be too harsh on her at nineteen, however if she really is verbally or physically abusing your son, she has to go . Soon as.

Does it matter which parent is babying their nearly mid twenties son? It's inappropriate whichever.
In some ways the thought of an adult man chucking a teenagers belongings into bin bags and out on the street is definitely more distasteful and a bit ironic considering the complaint is one of aggression on the part of the teenage girl.

Son is apparently incapable of standing up for himself and Dad is a bit of a bully who thinks it's OK to force someone into leaving by throwing their stuff out the house. Correlation mayhap?

Carl31

The term abuse also summons up visions of violent, aggressive, life destroying activity, whereas a 19 year old girl is still basically a child, and is probably still very immature and insecure, blowing up with her jealous rants

sometimes you just need to learn to deal with people on your own

Artytarty

Just pointing out the assumptions people jump to. It's always Mum that gets the blame! I did not say it was right that father or mother should behave this way thank you very much.
Yes, son should learn to fight his own battles but maybe still needs some help.you can't withdraw support when it's needed most.

Mojisola

Carl31 wrote: »

The term abuse also summons up visions of violent, aggressive, life destroying activity, whereas a 19 year old girl is still basically a child, and is probably still very immature and insecure, blowing up with her jealous rants

Whereas in reality it can be a slow, soul-destroying treadmill of lots of minor incidents until the victim's self-esteem is zero and he/she can't make decisions for themselves any longer.

sometimes you just need to learn to deal with people on your own

It does sound as if the son needs to learn to stand up for himself but starting with making the GF leave is like being thrown into the deep end to learn to swim.

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

It does sound as if the son needs to learn to stand up for himself but starting with making the GF leave is like being thrown into the deep end to learn to swim.

Really? Isn't it completely normal to have to end your own relationships? Most do it first in their teens, and dramatics are par for the course!