End of relationship

vodkachick68

BigAunty wrote: »

See if you can get a book from a shop or library about how to cope with a relationship breakdown, perhaps it can explain better the stages, how to evaluate it, how to move on, etc.

Not meeting the family of a partner after 2 years is really weird - I don't like the sound of that ring-fencing and the way you seem to have been hidden away. Did you meet many of his friends or colleagues? Did you have regular access to his property?

I have been on a couple of websites and started reading on how to deal with break ups. It's still so raw that I get upset and can't digest it all. He really didn't have any friends,just one who I met a few times.
He is a very private and quiet person whereas I'm outgoing so maybe that was part of the problem as well.

I used to go to his house regularly but only at pre-arranged times. I just keep analysing the whole thing and whether I could have done anymore. I just think he didn't want the hassle and pressure of a girlfriend in his life complicating things.

Thanks again to u all

FBaby

I just think he didn't want the hassle and pressure of a girlfriend in his life complicating things.

I think you hit the nail there. My husband has a friend who has gone through a very difficult divorce after a couple of difficult relationships in the past. It has wiped him off of any desire to commit again. He is a lovely guy so we thought that once he met the right one, he would put the past behind and be prepared to move on again (a bit like giving birth!), but he's been with his girlfriend for 8 months now and we haven't met her. He says that he is happy seeing her and spending time with her, but he just wants doesn't want to share the rest of his life with her and the months passing don't seem to be changing this so far.

vodkachick68

FBaby wrote: »

I think you hit the nail there. My husband has a friend who has gone through a very difficult divorce after a couple of difficult relationships in the past. It has wiped him off of any desire to commit again. He is a lovely guy so we thought that once he met the right one, he would put the past behind and be prepared to move on again (a bit like giving birth!), but he's been with his girlfriend for 8 months now and we haven't met her. He says that he is happy seeing her and spending time with her, but he just wants doesn't want to share the rest of his life with her and the months passing don't seem to be changing this so far.

What hacks me off is that he gave me all the waffle that he wanted a future with me and that he loved me to bits etc and I fell hook line and sinker! Never again will I ever trust a man!

My emotions swing from crying to feeling angry especially as he has left the relationship up in the air. I know people are saying text him and end it but I still love him and i suppose I am just hoping there may be a slight remote possibility of reconciliation.

tinkerbell28

vodkachick68 wrote: »

Hi all
I had been with my bf for nearly two and half years and I think it's now come to an end and I feel terrible.

Some of you may remember me posting previously that he wouldn't let me meet his kids (which never happened) and he was having commitment problems. It just seemed that he wanted to keep me separate from his kids and family...never really found out the reason why.

After many heated rows he texted me yesterday and said he doesn't think he can give me what I want and that he needs time to himself to think about heat to do and where we go. He asked me not to ring or text him until he contacts me.

I believe this is his way of finishing the relationship without actually saying the words. I am so heartbroken and gutted. I know I shouldn't be still wasting my time on this guy but I still love him so much and I just can't function at the moment.

How do you get over splitting up with someone you still think the world of?

I remember your other posts. Read that again and again and again. Who does he think you are, a doll to be picked up as and when it suits him?

I'd be seriously telling him to F off. Who does he think he is?

Wake up and smell the coffee. The best thing you can do for your self respect is radio silence don't even talk to him.

No doubt he will come squirming back when he realises he's losing his grip over you or he wants a booty call. Just keep ignoring him and keep it that way.

Ohh and don't hope for a reconciliation, for whatever reason he's just not into you. He's also a controlling, manipulative areswipe. It would be better for you if you just replied along the lines of sorry no, it's over, I'm blocking your contact.

Then do it and take time to reflect on what an appalling "relationship" this is and why you as a person are willing to settle for so little. It's not healthy or good for you.

BigAunty

The reconciliation you desire, with its very slight possibility indeed, would consist of him expecting you to be chastened and know your place, and you walking on eggshells to prioritise his preferences. So if it ever resumed, it would be even weaker, strained and unequal than before.

Primrose

List down on a piece of paper every single thing you DISLIKED about him. Stick the list on your bedroom mirror and recite it out loud every morning.

And top the list with "After two years he still won't commit so why do I want to be with somebody who doesn't care about my feelings?"

And second in the list write "he is a coward who hides behind words and doesn't have the guts to openly break it off"

And do twenty squats or one minute of running on the spot every time you find yourself thinking of him. It will improve your figure without the need to diet! Which will put you in good shape when you meet somebody who WILL appreciate you.

vodkachick68

Primrose wrote: »

List down on a piece of paper every single thing you DISLIKED about him. Stick the list on your bedroom mirror and recite it out loud every morning.

And top the list with "After two years he still won't commit so why do I want to be with somebody who doesn't care about my feelings?"

And second in the list write "he is a coward who hides behind words and doesn't have the guts to openly break it off"

And do twenty squats or one minute of running on the spot every time you find yourself thinking of him. It will improve your figure without the need to diet! Which will out you in good shape when you meet somebody who WILL appreciate you.

Lol this made me chuckle,I need that right now! I think I have probably lost half a stone in 5 days so suppose that's one benefit:) just haven't got an appetite. Will try your idea out and see how I get on thanks

purpleshoes_2

vodkachick68 wrote: »

Lol this made me chuckle,I need that right now! I think I have probably lost half a stone in 5 days so suppose that's one benefit:) just haven't got an appetite. Will try your idea out and see how I get on thanks

You started several threads over the last year with concerns about the way he was treating you. You know deep down you deserve better

And you need to eat, making yourself unwell over him really wont help in the long run. Its possible to love people who are essentially wrong for us. Ive been there. Ive been dumped suddenly by someone who I loved with all my heart but who really wasnt nice to me and I bet he didnt shed one tear over me.

You deserve better than him and you know it, hes done you a massive favour.

Frankieloo

It could have been me writing this post 5 years ago. I was in a relationship with someone who promised me the world but never delivered and had lots of rules about our relationship promising more for the future. He too gave me the. 'I need space' speech and said I couldn't contact him yet told me if he could find a way for us to be together he would. 3 weeks after the initial break up he told our mutual friend he wanted to be with her. They are now married and we never did really speak again!

The good news is I am also married and have been for a year. Although the days after he left me I was so desperate the days got easier and the weeks and then the months. It was hard but just getting through each day, focusing on yourself and spending time with those that really care about you wil help emmensely and then when someone else comes along they will show you that you were right to wait for someone who treats you as you deserve to be treated. Good luck xxx

marisco_2

You cant always count on others to respect your feelings, even if you respect theirs. Being a good person doesn't guarantee that people will treat you well. You only have control over yourself and how you choose to be as an individual. You seem to have lost yourself in the process of valuing this guy too much, and to have forgotten that you are a special person, worthy of being respected and valued. Your confidence has been really knocked hasn't it.

Could seeking individual counselling through somewhere like Relate be beneficial to you? Taking some time out to talk through all you are thinking and feeling with one of their trained advisors, could help you find a new perspective and a way of moving forward from this horrible time in your life positively. Alternatively the Samaritans also offer a fantastic support service.