End of relationship

LutonGirl

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”
― Maya Angelou

OP, I was in your shoes once and it took all my courage to call his bluff and be the one to say it's over.

You can't make someone love you no matter how much you love them. Walk away, hold your head high and allow the right one the opportunity to come along - and he will introduce you to his kids (if he has any). You'll never meet Mr Right whilst clinging onto Mr Can't be Arsed. Good luck x

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

vodkachick68 wrote: »

Thankyou so much for your replies. I still feel like rubbish today I think because he hasn't actually said the words that we are finished I can't move on properly.

I have been so close to texting him and it's taken a lot of willpower not to do it. I know I'm probably better off without him but I still love him so it's difficult.

Thanks again

I'd be thinking that he doesn't say it's over because he doesn't want it to be - its just that his wife is getting suspicious at the moment, so he needs the dust to settle before he comes sniffing around again. Just as likely, unfortunately, once the new baby's born and all the family have stopped visiting.

I obviously don't know if this is the case here - but it sounds more likely than a happy ever after, unfortunately.

FBaby

Just picking up on this

After many heated rows he texted me yesterday and said he doesn't think he can give me what I want

Do you mean recent rows or rows over the years? What were they about? Mainly the commitment issue/meeting his children? Did he tell you the same thing every time, that is that it would come in time?

My sincere opinion is that he cared for you, enjoyed your company, but didn't really love you as much as you loved him, even if he told you that he did. I personally don't believe that there are people who don't commit (especially when they have done so in the past), but that they are people who struggle to meet the person they are prepared to commit to.

I think your arrangement as it was suited him perfectly and that it is only because you started giving him more grief as time went by that he started questioning whether it was worth to continue with it.

If that is the case, then however painful it is, you are better set free to give you a chance to meet someone prepared to give you the whole loaf rather than just the crumbs!

vodkachick68

Thanks again to you all for helping me try to get over this. I'm struggling to sleep and eat. I know it sounds melodramatic but the pain I'm feeling is so intense it's driving me mad! It's on my mind all the time,I just can't believe I'm never going to see him or hug him again.

Thank The Lord I have some good friends who have been amazing,let's just hope he's suffering like I am!

Thanks again to you all

marisco_2

The pain you are feeling now is actually a very good indicator, of how bad your relationship with this guy was for you. There is no justifiable reason for him to have left you in this state of bewilderment and upset.

Stay strong and don't contact him however much you may be tempted to. Bare in mind that to do so would be to set the bar extremely low, in terms of how you will accept being treated by others.

Stephb1986_2

Instead of leaving it for him to decide if it's over or not you make the decision to end it, he is a coward telling you by text that he needs space blah blah blah.

It is a bit weird you being together for 2 and a half years and never meeting any of his family that is very strange.

Put your big girl pants on and try to forget about him. The amount of times I've spent crying over some guy I feel like a fool now thinking about it. I'm so glad now that I've found the right guy and we're married.

Good luck

Steph xx

Melaniep101

I agree with Steph, don't leave the ball in his court whether to contact you or not. If it was me, I'd be telling him not to bother contacting me at all. Take back some control and tell him to do one.

Bollotom

I know he said not to text him and he'll get back to you. Sounds like you're the 'Bit on the side'. So text him the following message. "You're dumped!", then crack on making YOUR life what YOU want. :cool:

BigAunty

See if you can get a book from a shop or library about how to cope with a relationship breakdown, perhaps it can explain better the stages, how to evaluate it, how to move on, etc.

Not meeting the family of a partner after 2 years is really weird - I don't like the sound of that ring-fencing and the way you seem to have been hidden away. Did you meet many of his friends or colleagues? Did you have regular access to his property?

Horace

Sounds like someone I used to go out with (btw despite my username I am female). He used to keep me at arms length, I could never meet his parents and once when I was staying in his flat, his mum was due to come round so I had to go out for the day. I never met any of his family - alright I did bump into his dad once who was dressed like a tramp as I berated him about something in the flat (I thought he was the landlord or caretaker of the building). I went out with this chap for 7 years and put up with all sorts from him. I never met his sisters and only twice met his friends and his work colleagues. He would always tell me what I wanted to hear and because I 'loved' him I put up with it.

I soon realised that the guy was toxic and although the breakup was hard, I busied myself with other things and joined meetup groups and went out and met new people. Looking back I had a lucky escape and am more angry with myself for putting up with the ratbag for so long.

I know it is hard but you need to go out and meet new people. Don't contact this guy again he isn't worth it and you are worth more than that.