Wedding present- how much?

jackyann

mum2one mentioned 2nd weddings.

I am interested as we gave rather more than the amounts mentioned to a close family member when she married 3 years ago. It was so she could have a "feature" at her wedding that she wanted, and came from money we saved & set aside for family weddings / births etc.
The marriage is over & there is a new "serious" bf who has not been married before. Another relative said jokingly to us "well, you won't be giving that amount again will you?" and I thought "well, no, I guess not" then began to ponder the etiquette!
As OP has received plenty of replies, I thought I'd just ask a supplementary!
And happycomper: I have often heard people like distant relatives, work colleagues etc. talk of "covering the plate" as a way of working out how much to give.

stormbreaker

Thank you all for your contributions.

I am from Scotland and one of my work colleagues Irish. I never even considered where we came from to matter!

sulphate

Interesting responses to this thread - just goes to show you can't please everyone! :rotfl:

In answer to the original question, I would not go to a wedding without a gift (and if I did I would send one after) - lately it's mainly been our friends getting married and we've given around £30.

When we got married we didn't ask for gifts because we were still saving for a house at the time and had no space for extra stuff. We made it clear that gifts were not expected but if guests wanted to buy us something then we'd like John Lewis vouchers. We mainly received vouchers/money ranging from £20 to £1000. The money we put towards our deposit fund and the vouchers we ended up using a few months later when we bought our house and needed to buy a few things. We did get a few gifts which I love but I have to admit they are of limited use - like the very large cake stand which is lovely but hardly ever comes out of the cupboard. A few people didn't get us anything - mainly those who had plenty of money. Like I said, I never expected gifts, but I was surprised at that.

Brighton_belle

Person_one wrote: »

Yeah but, none of us have a right to only receive gifts that we'd choose ourselves. When you want to choose your stuff yourself thats called 'shopping'.

Couldn't agree more P1, it's not a right, hence my appreciation of anything anyone chooses to give me. But equally it doesn't mean I have to use it or display it or even keep it. I certainly have never supplied any list of wants or requirements.
I also understand for some, gift giving is a particular pleasure and that is their need to express their love that way.
I have worked with people who are burdened by too many belongings in their homes and the guilt and anxiety getting rid of things others have given them they get no pleasure from can be a burden.

maman wrote: »

Maybe I'm just biased as I'd love to receive a Welsh love spoon. Has to be better than a toaster!:rotfl:

Welsh love spoon possibly, cross stitch...nooooooo.

jackyann

stormbreaker wrote: »

Thank you all for your contributions.

I am from Scotland and one of my work colleagues Irish. I never even considered where we came from to matter!

As I am sure you know ;-) it's not where you are *from* geographically, but culturally. That's why cross-cultural weddings can be a minefield!
I have friends who had budgeted £50 for each cousin's child's wedding they attended.
When they got to the "Greek one" as has been said above, it was completely obvious that more was expected as the guests lined up to pin the money to the bride! They pinned on £100 and now feel awkward about the others who got more.

Lily-Rose_3

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Yup, I've turned up at several wedding empty handed without a qualm. At the time I had a very low income, and it cost every spare penny I had to get to the wedding. Fortunately I have lovely friends who genuinely did only want me there.

When I got married, we didn't issue a gift list and I ensured those invited I knew to be struggling financial knew they absolutely were not to buy us any presents - we were the lucky ones getting married, we didn't need anything else.

We didn't see ourselves as host of a 'do' to get gifts from. We wanted the people we loved most to witness the happiness we felt in saying our vows to each other and becoming man and wife. The privilege and thanks were all ours that they came.

Well said! :T

Fortunately some people get married and invite friends and family because they want them there, and don't even expect gifts, let alone send a list around with their gift demands. Having a wedding and sending a list around with your demands is ugly and precocious and rude imo.

I agree wholeheartedly with the poster who said that all this old wedding etiquette is garbage now, and imo it's way outdated and should be consigned to the history books, along with this 'rule' that the bride's parents must pay for the wedding, and the engagement ring should cost 3 months salary.

It's all a load of crap, made up by pretentious, precocious gits FOR pretentious, precocious gits who think they have a right to dictate what people buy them as a gift.

Person_one

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I agree wholeheartedly with the poster who said that all this old wedding etiquette is garbage now, and imo it's way outdated and should be consigned to the history books, along with this 'rule' that the bride's parents must pay for the wedding, and the engagement ring should cost 3 months salary.

It's all a load of crap, made up by pretentious, precocious gits FOR pretentious, precocious gits who think they have a right to dictate what people buy them as a gift.

Actually, traditional wedding etiquette agrees with you.

Couples getting married aren't supposed to ask for gifts, or specify what they want. They're supposed to only make their preference known if somebody actually asks of their own volition.

All these cutesy begging letters, cheesy poems about wanting cash and links to online wedding lists in invitations are completely contrary to politeness and etiquette, but the wedding industry makes a lot of money from them so its become more common. If more people followed the traditional etiquette it'd be a lot nicer!

pollypenny

When DD got married there was no list and little expectation as both she and her fianc! disliked the bells and whistles style. They were grateful for all gifts.

DS and DIL did very similar and, being years later, did have lots of vouchers.

We have given £50 at the many weddings of friends's children that we've been to lately. However, when my only niece marries she will have as much as we can afford, probably £200 or so.

Peater

I usually give a half-decent bottle of champagne, usually around the £30 mark.

To me, it's the ultimate wedding present. I have friends who have said that they saved it for their 1st anniversary and I have also have friends say that they don't like champagne so gifted it on to someone else, saving them money/bother. WIN:WIN

pawsies

Peater wrote: »

I usually give a half-decent bottle of champagne, usually around the £30 mark.

To me, it's the ultimate wedding present. I have friends who have said that they saved it for their 1st anniversary and I have also have friends say that they don't like champagne so gifted it on to someone else, saving them money/bother. WIN:WIN

It'll probably find its way back to you