Wedding present- how much?

sulphate

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Personally, I think it's fairly rude to expect your guests to give you money. Those little poems put inside invitations, they're meant to be cute, but IMO they're anything but. I think there's a lot of expectation around weddings nowadays.

As I said in an earlier post, you can't please everyone.

People will always complain about weddings. I wasn't bridezilla at all about my wedding, anything but, and I went out of my way to try and make sure that all my guests were catered for and happy but I found the sense of entitlement from some of the guests quite amazing.

I don't think most couples nowadays "expect" presents, but they put what they would like in the invite so people don't have to ask.

People complain about wedding gift lists going in the invite too. How else are you supposed to tell people about it? It's only rude IMO if all the things on the list are really expensive.

I would never go to a wedding without giving a gift and it's nice giving something you know they will want.

Having said that, out of all the weddings I've given gifts at, I probably have only got thank you cards from 3/4 of the couples. Really?

Lily-Rose_3

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

We are going to a wedding next month of two young people. We are giving them an original framed pastel drawing, by my husband, of a little place in Wales that we know they love and where we have all been on holiday together. Doesn't cost much at all, but we know they will love it.

I too think this whole wedding paraphernalia has got out of hand. If that is what the couple want, then fine, but don't expect your guests to subsidise it. The OP should give what they feel happy giving, whatever that amount is.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I love art, so if someone had of gave me something like that, I would have loved it!

I too think this whole wedding gift/money/money for honeymoon thing has got out of hand.

Personally, I think it's fairly rude to expect your guests to give you money. Those little poems put inside invitations, they're meant to be cute, but IMO they're anything but. I think there's a lot of expectation around weddings nowadays.

:T To both of the above posts. And SDW, what a lovely gift; a painting you did yourself; what a great idea, and so much more personal and less showy than 'money.'

As a number of people have said on this thread; in this day and age, people simply don't have that much money to give. I think it's a bloody cheek for people to ask for money, and they should accept what they are given.

There are too many bridezillas around these days, and their mothers are often as much of a nightmare as them. I have known many a case where the bride's mother has ordered people around like an army major, and told people what they should give.

As a few people have said, the bride and groom should just be happy that their family and friends are there, and shouldn't be trying to furnish their house and fill their bank account, with financial contributions from the wedding guests.

Don't ask people to your wedding and 'expect' expensive stuff from people, and especially don't expect money; it's just rude and nasty.

codemonkey

Lily-Rose wrote: »

:T To both of the above posts. And SDW, what a lovely gift; a painting you did yourself; what a great idea, and so much more personal and less showy than 'money.'

As a number of people have said on this thread; in this day and age, people simply don't have that much money to give. I think it's a bloody cheek for people to ask for money, and they should accept what they are given.

There are too many bridezillas around these days, and their mothers are often as much of a nightmare as them. I have known many a case where the bride's mother has ordered people around like an army major, and told people what they should give.

As a few people have said, the bride and groom should just be happy that their family and friends are there, and shouldn't be trying to furnish their house and fill their bank account, with financial contributions from the wedding guests.

Don't ask people to your wedding and 'expect' expensive stuff from people, and especially don't expect money; it's just rude and nasty.

On the other hand, people tend to live together before marriage and have everything they need. We got married 3 years ago and we said that we didn't need anything but if people really felt they needed to get us a gift, we'd appreciate money or gift vouchers to get some household repairs done. This was purely because our house is tiny and we don't have space for loads of stuff and I'd rather that someone gave us £5 than spent more on a household object that would go in the attic.

Some people gave us £10, some gave us more, some gave us presents and some didn't give anything. I didn't think less of anyone for giving less or nothing, I was just totally blown away that those people came to celebrate with us - we didn't get married for the presents! I have to say though, the gifts that meant the most weren't the expensive ones - one of our friends took the time to paint personalised wine glasses for everyone that we used at the actual wedding - we still use these, one made us a wooden sculpture with our surname on it, one did my make up for free and so on.

To be honest, I was just happy that people turned up at all.

Person_one

sulphate wrote: »

I don't think most couples nowadays "expect" presents, but they put what they would like in the invite so people don't have to ask.

People complain about wedding gift lists going in the invite too. How else are you supposed to tell people about it? It's only rude IMO if all the things on the list are really expensive.

Handing out a list of presents you want is only ok if you're under 10 years old and the list is going to Father Christmas.

You don't send out a list or a request for money when you invite people to a housewarming, or out for your birthday, do you?

[Deleted User]

I still think a gift-list is traditional, as long as it has 'traditional' things on it. I don't like the classic John Lewis list that includes digital cameras and TVs.. Ours was from a wholesaler that specialised in crockery and glassware.

We now have a lovely 'best' crockery set and set of crystal glass wine glasses/beakers

Person_one

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I still think a gift-list is traditional, as long as it has 'traditional' things on it. I don't like the classic John Lewis list that includes digital cameras and TVs.. Ours was from a wholesaler that specialised in crockery and glassware.

We now have a lovely 'best' crockery set and set of crystal glass wine glasses/beakers

Traditionally, you aren't supposed to send it out with the invites though! "Come to our party! Bring us stuff!"

You're supposed to tell people what you'd like or where the list is if they ask.

[Deleted User]

I guess traditions have gone out the window, haven't they?

My grandma got quite upset about two things my cousin just did when inviting people to her wedding - firstly asking for money for their honeymoon, and secondly announcing that they'd been living together for a few years already.

I think asking for money for a honeymoon is vulgar - the entire original idea behind wedding gifts was to help setup a couple for their married life - not to send them on a two week jolly!

Person_one

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I guess traditions have gone out the window, haven't they?

Some have, others are hanging around like a bad smell.

Its interesting which ones stay and which ones go, apparently being polite and not sending begging letters with your invites is old fashioned and silly now, but taking your husband's name and having your dad give you away is fine and can carry on!

sulphate

Person_one wrote: »

Traditionally, you aren't supposed to send it out with the invites though! "Come to our party! Bring us stuff!"

You're supposed to tell people what you'd like or where the list is if they ask.

But most people will ask because they want to get you a gift. Hence, 50 emails/phone calls/messages asking what you want when you could have put a line in with your invites and saved everyone the trouble.

You can't compare a casual birthday party/housewarming to a wedding which is generally a more formal event.

I've noticed a lot of the "you're supposed to do this/that" comments when it comes to big life events like weddings or having babies. Yeah, yeah. Couples should do what suits them, as long as they aren't DEMANDING things I don't see the problem. When we sent out the invites I made up an extra sheet with info like accommodation, taxi numbers, location and directions, etc and on the end was a tiny paragraph about presents saying something like "please don't feel like you have to give us a gift as your presence will be enough, but if you would like to get us something we would really appreciate JL vouchers". I don't do poems. Most people said they thought it was way better than choosing stuff off a list although I don't mind gift lists personally.

It meant more to us that people could be there over what present they gave.

Depends on how it's worded, if I'd have said "as we are spending our hard earned cash on our wedding we would love you to contribute to it, your meal cost £xx per head and we would like to recoup this from you as a wedding gift" I can see how people would get offended.

Honestly I have never seen an invite containing demands about wedding gifts tbh although I did see one gift list once with an iPad on it!

onlyroz

Person_one wrote: »

Handing out a list of presents you want is only ok if you're under 10 years old and the list is going to Father Christmas.

You don't send out a list or a request for money when you invite people to a housewarming, or out for your birthday, do you?

Thing is, we didn't have a wedding list for our wedding for those exact reasons you give - but several of our friends were disgruntled that we didn't have one because they wanted to know what to buy.

As a result we ended up with a lot of towels...