Wedding present- how much?

Person_one

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Excellent link .. reminds me of what happened with my cousin's family (the one i'm going to their wedding in a few weeks). So, we invited my aunt, uncle, 2 cousins and her cousin's boyfriend. Just feeding them cost £450 (kosher catering is overpriced, and yes I know, it was our choice.. but it was really nice and included the cost of the free bar for the night) and the gift they gave? A £30 cheque. We thought they'd missed a zero, and to be honest, our attitude is people give what they want/can give. It's not up to us.

Oh, this didn't fly for my mum, knowing her sister had given less of a present than the alcohol they consumed at the party. We didn't kick up a fuss, but oddly a cheque for £300 arrived in the post a few weeks later.

Puts us in a position about what to give in a few weeks.. I'm inclined to ignore it and give our typical 'cousin' present (£125). I'm sure my mum will get uppity about it.

I hope you had strong words with your mum, what a terrible way to behave!

heartbreak_star

I generally give money because it's always useful and I like an easy life

If one of our group of friends gets married, we all do a big card and a collection, which goes down really well!

HBS x

[Deleted User]

Person_one wrote: »

I hope you had strong words with your mum, what a terrible way to behave!

You can't argue with a narcissistic mother!

lazer

Don't assume all couples want money - we didn't.


We wanted people at our wedding to share the day with us, that was the most the important thing.


We did not have a gift list or did not have a begging poem - IMO you do not ask for a gift when inviting people to a function, of they ask what you would like you give them a few hints (but only if after saying you don't want anything - they still insist!)


I love our gifts, everytime I cook a meal and use a utensil or gadget, I think to myself so and so bought this for us etc.


We got about 50/50 mix between cash and presents and we spent most of the cash on presents as well, keeping some of it as our emergency buffer.
Its unbelievable how generous some people are

tillyenna

Such a minefield! we've gone for a gift list (via amazon) because we're moving in together and mostly have no stuff, so are looking for things for the house. That being said... someone said earlier they spent £50 on 6 tea plates !!!!!!? I get baffled at people's wedding lists where they've asked for things that they're clearly only asking for because they're the most expensive version. Most of the stuff on our list is under £25 - indeed I had one friend who said she was really worried about what to get us, as she didn't think she'd be able to afford anything on the list (before she'd seen it)... I said she could get us the £1 jam spoon... need me a good jam spoon!

As for going 'off list' that would drive me BATTY... I know a few of my friends are handmaking us presents, and I love that, because things crafted with love are always appreciated, but if someone buys me a welsh love spoon that they've bought in a tourist shop in wales... well... frankly I already have one. I don't even know where it is, it's ended up in a charity shop I imagine. Same goes for horseshoes (unless it's a genuine old horse shoe with iron nails, then it would get hung above the door to keep out fae) - glitzy sliver ones with bows probably won't even leave the reception venue...

That sounds incredible ungrateful, but I have OCD and I can't ABIDE decorative things that don't have a purpose (I like things with a purpose to be pretty... but aside from pictures, don't like things that are just ornamental, so pointless!) - hopefully our guests know us well enough to stick to the list! Never go off list!!!

As for cash? I'd say £20 for a friend £50 for family (but I'm in my 20s) - I think it should progress the older you are... hey. here's an idea. If it's a friend, do the decade your age is in, if it's family, double it (rounded), so in your thirties, friends get £30, family gets £60 - if you're fifty friends get £50, family get £100... feel a bit sorry for those in their 90s invited to the wedding though!

Brighton_belle

tillyenna wrote: »

As for cash? I'd say £20 for a friend £50 for family (but I'm in my 20s) - I think it should progress the older you are...!

My nephews/nieces earn more than I do ...

codemonkey

I have a question regarding thank you cards. It is slightly off the main topic but I don't think it warrants its own thread. I've just received a thank you card for a wedding I attended 5 months ago.

After returning from honeymoon, I sat down and wrote my thank you cards by hand, thanking everyone personally for their gift, and referring to the gift and if it was financial or vouchers, what we had/planned to spend it on.

The card we received today is an official photo of the bride and groom, which has been printed with a generic and slightly gushing thank you for making their day so special type message. It's not even remotely personal and they had fewer guests than we did.

It's not enough to make me want to not be friends with these people or anything, just wondered if I'm overreacting by being a bit grumpy about it.

sulphate

codemonkey wrote: »

I have a question regarding thank you cards. It is slightly off the main topic but I don't think it warrants its own thread. I've just received a thank you card for a wedding I attended 5 months ago.

After returning from honeymoon, I sat down and wrote my thank you cards by hand, thanking everyone personally for their gift, and referring to the gift and if it was financial or vouchers, what we had/planned to spend it on.

The card we received today is an official photo of the bride and groom, which has been printed with a generic and slightly gushing thank you for making their day so special type message. It's not even remotely personal and they had fewer guests than we did.

It's not enough to make me want to not be friends with these people or anything, just wondered if I'm overreacting by being a bit grumpy about it.

We wrote all our cards within a month of the honeymoon too.

I've come to the conclusion that some people don't care about cards - they expect a gift but not to have to write cards out!

2 of the weddings I attended in the last fee years, I received no acknowledgement/thank you at all for the gift. I now feel lucky if I get one no matter how generic it is :rotfl:

pleasedelete

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Excellent link .. reminds me of what happened with my cousin's family (the one i'm going to their wedding in a few weeks). So, we invited my aunt, uncle, 2 cousins and her cousin's boyfriend. Just feeding them cost £450 (kosher catering is overpriced, and yes I know, it was our choice.. but it was really nice and included the cost of the free bar for the night) and the gift they gave? A £30 cheque. We thought they'd missed a zero, and to be honest, our attitude is people give what they want/can give. It's not up to us.

Oh, this didn't fly for my mum, knowing her sister had given less of a present than the alcohol they consumed at the party. We didn't kick up a fuss, but oddly a cheque for £300 arrived in the post a few weeks later.

Puts us in a position about what to give in a few weeks.. I'm inclined to ignore it and give our typical 'cousin' present (£125). I'm sure my mum will get uppity about it.

Shocking behaviour by your mother. I hope that you sent the cheque back.

maman

codemonkey wrote: »

I have a question regarding thank you cards. It is slightly off the main topic but I don't think it warrants its own thread. I've just received a thank you card for a wedding I attended 5 months ago.

After returning from honeymoon, I sat down and wrote my thank you cards by hand, thanking everyone personally for their gift, and referring to the gift and if it was financial or vouchers, what we had/planned to spend it on.

The card we received today is an official photo of the bride and groom, which has been printed with a generic and slightly gushing thank you for making their day so special type message. It's not even remotely personal and they had fewer guests than we did.

It's not enough to make me want to not be friends with these people or anything, just wondered if I'm overreacting by being a bit grumpy about it.

My nephew slightly beat your 'friend' in that it took four months for us to receive a thank you. To be fair, it was hand written, very personalised and if they took that much trouble with everyone I'm not surprised it took them four months!