Wedding present- how much?

onlyroz

ringo_24601 wrote: »

My grandma got quite upset about two things my cousin just did when inviting people to her wedding - firstly asking for money for their honeymoon, and secondly announcing that they'd been living together for a few years already.

My brother asked for John Lewis vouchers when he got married, which annoyed a lot of people - mainly because there wasn't a John Lewis in the city where most of the guests were travelling from. Others thought it was rude to ask effectively for money, but presumably would have been happy to pick from a pre-made list.

I've always given cash as a wedding present, whether asked for or not, because fundamentally that's what people really want.

[Deleted User]

Person_one wrote: »

Some have, others are hanging around like a bad smell.

Its interesting which ones stay and which ones go, apparently being polite and not sending begging letters with your invites is old fashioned and silly now, but taking your husband's name and having your dad give you away is fine and can carry on!

Traditions are manipulated by advertising also.. a great example is proposing with a diamond ring (which has to be X months salary). A great bit of advertising by De Beers

I like to think of cheques as gift vouchers you can spend in any shop

BTW - you can buy JL vouchers online, and their online gift-lists let you buy them through that.

onlyroz

ringo_24601 wrote: »

BTW - you can buy JL vouchers online, and their online gift-lists let you buy them through that.

That's fine if you're young and internet-savvy, but not so easy if you're in your 80s and have never used a computer in your life.

And I also seem to remember that they charged an exhorbitant fee for posting paper vouchers out to you, which is what prompted me to just give cash.

AmyTurtle

I'm VERY close to my brother and his fiancee and am paying £150 for an item they need for the wedding. I am also doing, but not paying for, all the flowers and have made the tiaras/hairpins for the brides and bridesmaids as well as a few decorative items - I'm a bit crafty but they haven't cost a lot in monetary terms.
A not very close relative is getting married around the same time and my partner and I are going to the whole day - I'll probably give them £50. They have asked for money but aren't hard up so I think that's plenty.

I'd put £20 in a card for an evening invite.

I actually quite like people asking for money, so much easier to go to the cashpoint and put some money in a card than trawl through wedding lists or try to imagine what people would want!

I HATE this idea that you should cover the cost of your meal though - you shouldn't have a wedding you can't afford anyway, but if that's your attitude you should just sell tickets to your wedding and be done with it!! Plus I've eaten some really bad meals at weddings that I would have sent back in a restaurant

Person_one

onlyroz wrote: »

Thing is, we didn't have a wedding list for our wedding for those exact reasons you give - but several of our friends were disgruntled that we didn't have one because they wanted to know what to buy.

As a result we ended up with a lot of towels...

You can have a wedding list if you want, just don't send it out with the invites like its a demand or a condition of entry.

If you have a 40th birthday party will your friends be 'disgruntled' not to get a printout of your Amazon wish list?

onlyroz

Person_one wrote: »

You can have a wedding list if you want, just don't send it out with the invites like its a demand or a condition of entry.

If you have a 40th birthday party will your friends be 'disgruntled' not to get a printout of your Amazon wish list?

I didn't want a list, and I was surprised that many of our friends wanted one - I didn't think it would be so hard to think up a present if they wanted to buy one, and I didn't really expect much.

Some of my friends clubbed together and got us HMV vouchers, because they knew we liked music and films. My brother got us some bathroom scales. One friend got us an icecream maker. Several people got us towels. I also think that many didn't get us anything, which is great because I didn't invite them in anticipation of getting a gift.

codemonkey

AmyTurtle wrote: »

I HATE this idea that you should cover the cost of your meal though - you shouldn't have a wedding you can't afford anyway, but if that's your attitude you should just sell tickets to your wedding and be done with it!! Plus I've eaten some really bad meals at weddings that I would have sent back in a restaurant

Very much of the opinion that if people have made an effort to come along and be bored at a ceremony for us and have probably bought a new frock, then the least I can do is buy them dinner, some drinks and some dancing.

Some people expect far too much. Like this:

http://jezebel.com/the-most-amazing-wedding-text-message-fight-of-our-time-514528769

I'd have loved that gift!

sulphate

AmyTurtle wrote: »

I HATE this idea that you should cover the cost of your meal though - you shouldn't have a wedding you can't afford anyway, but if that's your attitude you should just sell tickets to your wedding and be done with it!! Plus I've eaten some really bad meals at weddings that I would have sent back in a restaurant

Ugh yes. I have coeliac disease so I have to eat gluten free and once went to a wedding where the only thing I could eat was a couple of new potatoes, despite being assured by my friend that I would be catered for. I have also had some really awful meals! I feel sorry for the people paying for them tbh, hardly value for money

[Deleted User]

codemonkey wrote: »

Very much of the opinion that if people have made an effort to come along and be bored at a ceremony for us and have probably bought a new frock, then the least I can do is buy them dinner, some drinks and some dancing.

Some people expect far too much. Like this:

http://jezebel.com/the-most-amazing-wedding-text-message-fight-of-our-time-514528769

I'd have loved that gift!

Excellent link .. reminds me of what happened with my cousin's family (the one i'm going to their wedding in a few weeks). So, we invited my aunt, uncle, 2 cousins and her cousin's boyfriend. Just feeding them cost £450 (kosher catering is overpriced, and yes I know, it was our choice.. but it was really nice and included the cost of the free bar for the night) and the gift they gave? A £30 cheque. We thought they'd missed a zero, and to be honest, our attitude is people give what they want/can give. It's not up to us.

Oh, this didn't fly for my mum, knowing her sister had given less of a present than the alcohol they consumed at the party. We didn't kick up a fuss, but oddly a cheque for £300 arrived in the post a few weeks later.

Puts us in a position about what to give in a few weeks.. I'm inclined to ignore it and give our typical 'cousin' present (£125). I'm sure my mum will get uppity about it.

seven-day-weekend

Person_one wrote: »

Handing out a list of presents you want is only ok if you're under 10 years old and the list is going to Father Christmas.

You don't send out a list or a request for money when you invite people to a housewarming, or out for your birthday, do you?

I don't see anything wrong with a list, providing it doesn't specify that things have to be bought from a particular store and that it has little cheap things on it too. Some friends of mine got married and as well as a house (!), a washing machine and a tumble drier on their list they also had things like brush, mop, dustpan,washing up cloths, pedal bin and curly-whirlies.

Humorous but meant that if people did want to buy something it wouldn't be yet another set of towels. And that there was something everyone could afford, even children from pocket money.