Advice please - relationship & friends.

DJS1988

I'm still not sure it's that, I think the issue is more control than fancying him. I would take the photo as more of a two fingers up to me, than anything else, knowing how she works.

I might be totally wrong, but out of all this, that's the one thing I don't pay much mind to. I know my OH wouldn't touch her with someone elses barge pole!

Kastanie

I wish you luck too!!

I know it's been said before (and it's not easy to do) but try to remain really cool. Don't rush in to shout down her arguments however much you want to (and I would want to!! :mad:) Silence can be really effective. Then you can go in and pick apart all her arguments, bit by bit.

My partner does this whenever he's in a confrontation (thankfully we don't argue often...!) and the more riled up/agitated/insulting the other person gets, the more calm and cool he gets until he's able to turn their arguments back on them with clear evidence of why they're wrong.

Don't get drunk and don't cry I do think you express yourself very well and seem clear about what you want. I hope it works out.

jenhug

She is seriously unhinged whatever her motive.

DJS1988

jenhug wrote: »

She is seriously unhinged whatever her motive.

I think so too....but I can't say this

DJS1988

Kastanie wrote: »

I wish you luck too!!

I know it's been said before (and it's not easy to do) but try to remain really cool. Don't rush in to shout down her arguments however much you want to (and I would want to!! :mad:) Silence can be really effective. Then you can go in and pick apart all her arguments, bit by bit.

My partner does this whenever he's in a confrontation (thankfully we don't argue often...!) and the more riled up/agitated/insulting the other person gets, the more calm and cool he gets until he's able to turn their arguments back on them with clear evidence of why they're wrong.

Don't get drunk and don't cry I do think you express yourself very well and seem clear about what you want. I hope it works out.

Thank you. I do know people that can do this, it's something I can do very well in my work life, not so much my personal. SO, I want to keep my work-mode head on for this.

It'll be hard but I think I am that set on the end-game with this now, that I can do it. May just be a lot of counting to 10.

dktreesea

DJS1988 wrote: »

You are forgetting that I am NOT the source of the friction, I have not caused any problems, have never been rude to her. I've taken an interest in their lives and tried to get to know them.

I do not want to be included to everything he does but why are you making me out to be abnormal for expecting to be able to socialise with his friends?

It isn't just up to you though, is it? Surely it's also up to his friends whether or not they want to socialise with you. Especially if they are the ones organising the night out.

DJS1988 wrote: »

So, he just dropped the bomb that he will in fact be going out with them tomorrow. He wants, to, and doesn't feel that because I am currently not talking to them, that he should have to miss out. If it was a normal night out he apparently wouldn't go, but it's a birthday. I know she has already said she won't be upset if he doesn't go.

I'm sure this will make plenty of you happy and will await the "told you so's".

Gutted he would go against me when I have made my feelings so clear on the subject. I am so hurt and angry.

You claim not to be the source of the friction, yet here you are, telling him what he can and can't do, i.e. you don't want him going out with his friends if they don't want to include you. We don't own our partners, and we certainly, in a healthy relationship at least, shouldn't be exxpecting to tell them what to do.


If you think, in this day and age, people drop their friends and social set just because they don't "fit in" with the current partner, and don't welcome him or her into their fold, you are living in a dream world.


Relationships are far too fragile for us to sacrifice long standing friendships for them, especially when it is such early days.

ska_lover

Hi DJS

Just wanted to say good luck for tonights ''showdown'' (sorry I shouldn't say that word lol. I hope you get what you want from it hun

You are having the meeting so make sure you say your piece and don't get derailed by her. Be direct and ask her outright what her problem is, but in a non confrontational way - maybe something like ''Have I done something to upset you?''

Act like a lady, if she gets verbally aggresive, walk away. You will be the better person

Let us know how you get on

dktreesea

Dozey_crow wrote: »

I agree whole heatedly with your comments about the thread.. It does keep happening on this board. OP you asked why people were doubting your word this is why... A symptom of the board.

Personally I think it is normal to expect your lives to merge a bit when you are a couple and it would be unusual for one partner to continually attend 'couply' things on their own.

Stick with what you know about your oh, the situation and most importantly yourself and forge a way forward. Having read your responses you seem sensible so I doubt you would do this but In my opinion issuing a it's them or me' ultimatum to your OH would be a mistake. Firstly because even if they treat him 'badly' in some ways they may be orhave been invaluable support in others. Secondly, if he 'choose'you there would be decades of 'she wouldn't let him' out comments about him being under the thumb to deal with which would be unpleasant for both of you. Finally if he didn't choose you then he may always wonder as will you. Simply forcing the issue won't do you any good... I think you need to carry on as you are.

If it is any consolation I think that if you had posted to say "I have told my oh it's his friends or me" the type of responses would be the same.

Beleive in yourself.... You'll get through it!

"To merge a bit" being the operative words.

DJS1988

dktreesea wrote: »

"To merge a bit" being the operative words.

Thanks for your input but your two posts are not relevant to the situation as it stands now and I don't want to derail or get drawn into more conversations about the ins and outs right now.

DJS1988

ska_lover wrote: »

Hi DJS

Just wanted to say good luck for tonights ''showdown'' (sorry I shouldn't say that word lol. I hope you get what you want from it hun

You are having the meeting so make sure you say your piece and don't get derailed by her. Be direct and ask her outright what her problem is, but in a non confrontational way - maybe something like ''Have I done something to upset you?''

Act like a lady, if she gets verbally aggresive, walk away. You will be the better person

Let us know how you get on

Ha - it's the only way I know how to put it too.

Completely how I plan to approach the situation. I will NOT let her get a rise out of me. Not again, she wasn't worth it the first time.

I will do, thanks.