Better off Financially living apart or as a couple?

rachnbri

There was a time when even if a family had to live separately for whatever reason, be it work, study or personal issues they would still ensure that the financial resource for this was provided by themselves. My parents lived apart on a couple of occasions when I was a child, firstly when mum went away to study and lived in lodgings, then several years later when dad worked away and lived in a bedsit. At no point did either of my parents feel the need to go to DSS (as was) and declare that they were single parents and needed support. We were still very much a family and dealt with our own upsets. We were not a well off "silver spoon" type family by any means (I can remember when I was about 5 all of us using buckets to chuck water out of the living room because they couldn't afford to fix the roof!) but we stuck together and got by. Which is what most people here do now. People are getting pi**ed off with the OP because, lets face it, we all feel sometimes like we're at the end of our tether but we cope. We go out to work, we pay our rent/mortgage and council tax and we do that because we recognise it's our responsibility to provide for our own families.

It's a mighty shame that OP and his girlfriend didn't consider his violence issues and sort those out before deciding to have a child together.

laurz

i really admire you for trying to get your life in order for your sake and the sake of your partner and child.
please don't be put off by the negative reactions. i think others just assumed that you were wondering how best to beat the system.
but stick with being comfortable within yourself before you even consider involving an innocent child in your problems. if you jump in too quick you may not ever get another chance.
sorry i couldn't help with your OP.

milkydrink

Funny how men with violence "issues" are a risk to women.
My hubbys 6 foot & 20 stone, do you feel violent towards men like him or just women & children?

viktory

rachnbri wrote: »

There was a time when even if a family had to live separately for whatever reason, be it work, study or personal issues they would still ensure that the financial resource for this was provided by themselves. My parents lived apart on a couple of occasions when I was a child, firstly when mum went away to study and lived in lodgings, then several years later when dad worked away and lived in a bedsit. At no point did either of my parents feel the need to go to DSS (as was) and declare that they were single parents and needed support. We were still very much a family and dealt with our own upsets. We were not a well off "silver spoon" type family by any means (I can remember when I was about 5 all of us using buckets to chuck water out of the living room because they couldn't afford to fix the roof!) but we stuck together and got by. Which is what most people here do now. People are getting pi**ed off with the OP because, lets face it, we all feel sometimes like we're at the end of our tether but we cope. We go out to work, we pay our rent/mortgage and council tax and we do that because we recognise it's our responsibility to provide for our own families.

It's a mighty shame that OP and his girlfriend didn't consider his violence issues and sort those out before deciding to have a child together.

Hear hear! Fabulous post, especially the last point.

Zara33

This board is here for help and support for those on or looking to claim benefits, not for judgement.

Of course we all know the benefits system is a mess

Whatever you're political persuasion, we're all aware the benefits system is a mess. Whether its the malpayments of tax credits on one hand, benefit fraud on the other hand, or simply the fact that sometimes it doesn't pay to work - everyone has their grumble.

This board is here to help people with their money though..

Yet that isn't what this board is for. It's here to help people find out what they are entitled to under the current system, and to help them get it. Benefits do provide a lifeline for many, and this site is here to help people with their money, and not to judge. Of course, how to illegally defraud the benefits system shouldn't be discussed here, but ensuring you're getting your entitlement is exactly what its about.

Want to discuss the benefits system? Go to the discussion board

If you want to discuss the benefits system itself and issues around it, the appropriate place isn't here but the Discussion Board and even there, please remember courtesy and not to make it personal about anyone. This site's prime purpose it to help people with their money and I will always act to protect that.

Thanks for your co-operation

Martin

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=365935

mummytohollieandpinkbump

omg i am absolutley appalled by some of the replys people have posted to craig.

i am a newbie and cant sleep because of my own money worries and felt i had to reply to this post.

i beleive he isnt screwing the system and in his situation it is best for them to be living apart then together.

just imagine if he completely forgot about money worries and went to live with his partner and son (do what you guys are saying is the right thing to do). what about if one day his anger got bad and he took it out on his partner or even worse his son (not saying you will craig.)

just thinking of worst case scenario here. you turn on the news to find that craig has physically abused his partner and child. how would you feel knowing you was telling him to go live with his family even though his anger is still present and you are telling him this was the right thing to do i dont think so!

everytime i see on the news about a father (or mother) killing their partners or children it makes me sick to the stomach.(again not saying that you will craig just getting people to see why you want to live apart incase the worst does happen)

i give craig a big pat on the back for allowing himself time to recover over his fathers death and his anger til he feels ready to move in with his family knowing his anger will not resurface so his son can grow up in a stable loving home where mummy and daddy are happy with each other and hes not brought up around arguments and violence which he may be if he goes live with her now rather then later.

yes fair enough it may not be an ideal sloution for thier son mummy and daddy living apart but this wont be forever and it doesnt mean to say craig wont see his son everyday or that they wont have that father and son bond becuase i am sure they will.

sorry if this hasnt made sense i'm tired and wanted to say what i was thinking.

craig ignore what others say you do whats best for you and your family not for those who think your trying to get every benefit going.

also to point out hes working maybe only part time but hes not sat at home all day getting whatever money from government he can and he is doing part time for 2 reasons the first and most important reason so he can see his son grow up and secondly so he can set up his own buisness thus providing his family with a secure future and not having to claim benefits.

i hate those who try to rip off the benefits system but in this case i beleive craig isnt.

god i have rambled on havent i

luv leigh,hollie and pink bump x

wifeforlife

mummytohollieandpinkbump wrote: »

omg i am absolutley appalled by some of the replys people have posted to craig.


i hate those who try to rip off the benefits system but in this case i beleive craig isnt.

I think the replies are justified, if Craig is not living with his partner and child for safety reasons thats fair enough, but why just work part time?! Go full time, get some self respect, get confidence, get self esteem, and deal with the issues!

Craig your child is your life now, it's your responsibility to care for, protect, love and honour that child and your partner! You can do it!!!

I think you should continue to live where you are, but I strongly think you should get a job and spend your free time with your partner and child to make a happy, enjoyable life for you all as a family.

I like the underdog stories and I'll support anyone who tries, but you just have to try

Best of luck
Cate

mummytohollieandpinkbump

krisskross wrote: »

I sometimes feel that people post here to sort of rub our noses in what our taxes are spent on. Wonder how many of the OP's 'fan club' are working tax payers struggling to keep their heads above water? Not many I bet.

just to point out. i was a taxpayer til i got pg with my daughter and had to leave work because of health issues. i now am a stay at home mum as i dont want to miss out on the first few years of my daughter and her soon to be sisters first years. my partner works full time and the only benefits i recieve are child benefit (which everyone is entilted to) and tax credits which pay for my daughters clothes,nappies,wipes,food etc. so yes tax credits do come in handy to pay for our daughters things and if i could afford to i wouldnt claim benefits as i feel that me and my partner should be able to bring up our children without help from the government but right now thats not possible.

not everyone are frauds too many people just assumed this without knowing the true extent to why craig wanted to live alone.

if my partner ever was abusive or took his anger out on me and my children i too would want him to live on his own til he had it under control.

at the end of the day his partner and his childs safety are the most important thing not where YOUR tax is going.

luv leigh,hollie and pink bump x x x

mummytohollieandpinkbump

cathy2702 wrote: »

I think the replies are justified, if Craig is not living with his partner and child for safety reasons thats fair enough, but why just work part time?! Go full time, get some self respect, get confidence, get self esteem, and deal with the issues!

Craig your child is your life now, it's your responsibility to care for, protect, love and honour that child and your partner! You can do it!!!

I think you should continue to live where you are, but I strongly think you should get a job and spend your free time with your partner and child to make a happy, enjoyable life for you all as a family.

I like the underdog stories and I'll support anyone who tries, but you just have to try

Best of luck
Cate

hi sorry posting again but why should he work fulltime.

my partner worked monday to friday 2pm-10pm. he would leave at dinnertime not get back til 11pm and me or my daughter hardly saw him and at weekends he would be too tired to do family things. he is now working weekends although thankfully getting paid the same. the only reason for this so we can be a family and so my daughter can form a proper bond with him which she has and she adores him.

i know not the same situation as craig as he is living apart. but what if he got a full time job and be living apart from his partner and son that would be even worse. when would he have free time to go see them?

he will still be getting self respect,confidence etc etc in a part time job.

like i say his family come first whether he claims benefits or not,works part time or full time or even not at all if he chooses.what happened to putting family first or is craig the only one.(apart from me of course coz my family always come first:o )

luv leigh,hollie and pink bump x x x

seven-day-weekend

krisskross wrote: »

I sometimes feel that people post here to sort of rub our noses in what our taxes are spent on. Wonder how many of the OP's 'fan club' are working tax payers struggling to keep their heads above water? Not many I bet.

I don't know whether you would class me as in the 'Fan Club' - I posted in post 5 and said we shouldn't judge as we didn't know what the OP's circumstances were (we didn't at the time) and gave him some advice.

I would just like to say that I have certainly been a taxpayer for the majority of my working life, apart from a time when I ddn't earn enough to pay any. I have never received any benefits apart from Child Benefit. I am now 57 and retired.

My husband is 58 and retired, he has paid taxes all his working life (since he was 15) and still pays them now on his teachers' pension.

We certainly have known what it is like to struggle to pay bills and bring up a family.

So I believe you would consider me qualified to say again, but about your attitude towards the other members of the 'Fan Club' this time, don't judge, you don't know peoples' circumstances.