Better half of 2014 - all about me

supersaver1000

Hi Lulabelle, sorry to hear you're down again. Hope you manage to get on the up again soon. I had a dreadful job recently and took the plunge and left it for a much lower salary (lost a third take home). I miss part of the job, but not how it made me feel. But now I'm not in the job I can think of all sorts that would have got me through the days there more easily, but it's so much easier in hindsight. Lol.

Is there anyone that could be a mentor for you? You need someone who you could trust to tell you what they really think. also, is it because you don't like the work that you feel bad at it, or the other way around. I'm just wondering if you could ask to shadow someone in a different role or company. Sounds like you need some inspiration. If you don't ask you don't get and next time when I'm in that situation, needing more or something different, I would definitely try all that I could to get it in my current role first. Plus the experience of a secondment somewhere else can or with a slightly different can make you feel that what you're doing is actually okay or could also confirm it's time to leave.

Anyway, have a good few days and hope you feel more yourself soon. You sound like a capable wonderful person, who just needs a little tending to achieve your dreams.

SS1K

giblet1979

Oh Lula...so sorry that work is going rubbish again. It sounds very stressful I second SS - is there anyone at work you could speak to about it? I remember you saying that the boss spoke to you after the last big case; did they have any advice regarding moving forward?

Thanks for asking about mum. Yes, we nearly lost her a couple of months ago. Thank God she is better, but she remains poorly, and we're having to do a lot, plus house probs and general work malarkey. Perhaps we MSE'ers should all have a week in the Sun (or a month, lol). If we booked in bulk, we could perhaps get a good rate

It sounds like your fella is keen if he's wanting to know what you meant in your status? It must be hard with all the work stress, and the uncertainty, but try and take it as it comes because if you do like him, it'd be a real shame for it to start off a bit 'gamey' because of other pressures and then you ending up stuck in a dynamic? I'm noone to give advice, but I do send lots of hugs and positive wishes, and hope that you're feeling better today x

lulabelle

Thanks guys. I think the difficulty is there's not really anyone I can trust because if they get wind I'm going they'll be awful to me.

Had a fab weekend with London boy, but still not sure where I stand. Friday night he was all over me and saying he wasn't interested in any other girls and was just enjoying getting to know me. He was similar sat though he was knackered so fell asleep on my early! Sunday he was a bit distant but was the same last Sunday so it's either end of weekend blues or he doesn't like goodbyes. Am seeing him again fri but then not sure when post that but I do really like him

Have made the decision to get out so I'm putting the house on the market when I get that as can go absolutely nowhere until it sells. Think I may just have to bite bullet and move without a job.

Bubblesmum

Give yourself a large cheer for making a decision .... Take it one day at a time.

In previous posts you talked about retraining - if you feel passionately about this.... What would be the consequences of using the capital from the sale of the house to do this....

Have you a friend you could rent a room from for say just the x time it takes to train.

As I learnt when I was made redundant in 2005 - you don't know what's round the corner - I met, moved in with and then married my OH within a year, then 3 mts later I went back to Uni to retrain.... Dreams can come true... However you do need to take tiny steps towards it.

supersaver1000

What a lovely post Bubblesmum. It's so hard waiting, but you're right that things can happen in the blink of an eye so we should make the most of things now.

giblet1979

Lovely post Bubblesmum - totally agree that things can change really quickly, and when you least expect it.
Glad that you had a good time with Londonboy Lula, and that you've made a decision about the house. Exciting times x

lulabelle

God I'm now having second thoughts again!!!! I am SO scared of giving up the security of where I am. At the same time I think I'll give myself a better chance of getting what I want (a family) by moving on the basis of basic stats

Not sure what's happening with london boy. He came down to where I was staying thurs so we had thurs night, Friday afternoon and evening (he was working from where I had rented fri am) then sat until about 130 with him then he had to go as his family were coming down

Just don't know where I stand with him. Thurs night he asked what my plans for this (21-23) weekend were and I said not much and he said maybe he'd come visit. Then yesterday he was saying he was knackered and wanted a quiet weekend at home next weekend and if he doesn't come this coming weekend I'll not see him for at least 3 weeks (maybe longer) as he's out with his mates next weekend for his birthday

I also think he's messaging someone else off the dating website (who looks like a right skank) and feel like I'm making him my priority when I'm just his option

I don't know why I just don't seem able to find a man. Without sounding arrogant I'm intelligent, fun, attractive, funny, outgoing, solvent, sociable, good job yet this just seems to keep happening and I am just sick of it and don't know what to do

ellesbellesxxx

Hi Lula,
Just my 2p worth from my days of dating online... if he is messaging someone else... he is not for you. You deserve someone who makes you their priority.
I was single for 3 years and went on a lot of dates. I then met my now husband 3 years ago - what struck me was from the beginning there was no messing around. I always knew when we were seeing each other, I always felt like I could text/call without worrying that I was coming across as needy, he made it very clear that he wanted to be exclusive from our 2nd date... and from those early days it has continued like that. It was so refreshing!
You sound like a fabulous person - not just from your own perspective but from the posts I have read. Hang in there to meet someone equally as fabulous!!!

lulabelle

Hey ellesbells. Thanks. I know you're right. And he's not been in contact at all today which is really unusual for him.

I think the problem I have is what a close male friend said to me about 10 years ago: I get on with most people and I then I mistake that for it being something amazing. When I think about London boy, he's sweet enough but I don't get on with him any better than any other guy - he's not sweeping me off my feet

I also wonder if I'm giving these guys (probably by way of projection) the qualities, morals and values I want in a guy when actually they don't have them. Then when that comes to light as they are actually being themselves, they don't like up to the qualities I've imbued them with and then I end up disappointed

Had coffee with a girlie friend today who is in same situ and she thought I was most happy at the start of this year when I was throwing self into health and fitness and just enjoying being with mates/not worrying about guys and have to say, I really was

Maybe I need to try (again!) to go back to that and maybe I need to draw a line under London boy? I do think he's a nice guy deep down but think he's persuaded into stupidness by his friends and doesn't have similar values to me and my friends. For it to work long distance he really needs to be sweeping me off my feet and I'm just not sure that's happening!

lulabelle

Right. So I've just put two and two together. The skank he's become friends with on fb lives by one of his firms (albeit miles away) offices so he's blatantly been looking for people near to offices he might visit. I'm such a mug and a fool to put my body and my feelings on the line like this. When will I learn?!