Struggling with Family/Family Wedding/Life

Mattygroves2

Have you explained to your cousin that your budget is limited but that you're doing your best to be involved as much as possible as you want her day to be perfect ? Unless you're really upfront about it maybe she assumes you've got spare cash for all the frills.

ava_adore

sulphate wrote: »

Your cousin sounds like a drama queen. In tears because you cancelled the hair and make up trial?!

While I understand she is stressed about the wedding, I really struggle to understand why she gave me the chance to cancel, nearly three months in advance of the wedding and then got upset about it. I see now that I should have found out costings before committing to anything, but she shouldn't have offered me the chance to cancel if she didn't mean it, and then !!!!! about me to my sister. I'd have found a way to pay if I'd had to, I just wanted to keep the money for the actual hair and makeup on the day.

ava_adore

Starrystarrynight wrote: »

Sending a virtual hug, OP.

When I lived alone, and was on a lower wage, I often found people couldn't understand why I wasn't able to afford weekends away etc. It's not cheap to live alone, and there's no-one else's wage to keep you going!

When it comes to hen nights, weddings etc, people seem to lose all sense of perspective. Please don't take it to heart. You seem to be a kind & thoughtful person.

Thank you. Hugs are always appreciated

ava_adore

Mattygroves2 wrote: »

Have you explained to your cousin that your budget is limited but that you're doing your best to be involved as much as possible as you want her day to be perfect ? Unless you're really upfront about it maybe she assumes you've got spare cash for all the frills.

This is how it all turned into a drama. I explained about my money problems, told her about council tax problems etc, and she sent me an email with wedding costings and said if I wanted to cancel the hair and makeup trial that it'd be no problem. Because she'd said that, I decided to cancel and keep the money for the hair and makeup on the day, and then she decided to phone my sister in tears and say I was stressing her out despite telling me everything was fine and that my trial was cancelled (it wasn't, at that point, as I later found out).

I feel like she's acted one way with me, then went to my sister and painted it in a different light, making me look like a crappy cousin when all I did was go along with what she'd offered.

FBaby

but I felt that it was unfair of her to offer me the chance of cancelling the trial 2.5 months before the wedding, then getting upset when I took her up on the offer

Maybe (again, playing devils' advocate), it is the fact you cancelled at the last minute that was the issue. Maybe she was getting a deal on the basis of a certain number of people getting their hair done, so suddenly she has to pay more for hers.

To be honest, I really hate it when people make promises they don't keep because I feel like I'm being let down and much prefer it if they say that they can't from the start because I then having had had the chance to get excited about it.

It all comes down to one thing: You know her well, do you think it is that she has always been a drama queen, or could something has upset her, you just don't know/understand what it is, in which case communication is the only way to move on.

balletshoes

ava_adore wrote: »

This is how it all turned into a drama. I explained about my money problems, told her about council tax problems etc, and she sent me an email with wedding costings and said if I wanted to cancel the hair and makeup trial that it'd be no problem. Because she'd said that, I decided to cancel and keep the money for the hair and makeup on the day, and then she decided to phone my sister in tears and say I was stressing her out despite telling me everything was fine and that my trial was cancelled (it wasn't, at that point, as I later found out).

I feel like she's acted one way with me, then went to my sister and painted it in a different light, making me look like a crappy cousin when all I did was go along with what she'd offered.

maybe your cousin just needed someone to vent to, and she chose your sister? maybe your decision to cancel the hair rehearsal reached her at a particularly stressful point in her day, and rather than explode at you and then regret it later, she called your sister to share her feelings at that moment?

I honestly wouldn't try to over-analyze this, and don't take your cousin's actions so far to heart - weddings are one big stress-fest, especially for the bride.

barbiedoll

OP, this is just how women are, especially within a family. Your sister will moan about your cousin to you and then moan about you to your cousin. Your cousin will do the same.

The difference is, that you are deeply affected by their !!!!!iness and back-stabbing, you are clearly a more sensitive soul and you feel that they are "ganging up" on you. Whenever you get a group of three, someone is always left out, at the moment, it is you.

I know it's hard to break the habits of a lifetime but you have to realise that you can't please everyone, all of the time. You say that your sister is the golden child but it sounds to me as though she is jealous of you. Taking the side of your abusive ex, and running you down to your cousin are hardly the acts of a loving and supportive older sister. And your money problems are nothing to do with anyone else, you don't have to offer excuses why you don't want to pay for make-up "trials", just say no and let that be an end to it. If they don't like it then tough....not your problem.

Stop worrying about your cousin's wedding and what your sister is saying about you. Wear your dress, do your make-up, go to the wedding and have a good time, it will all be over in a day. Lots of women turn Bridezilla before the big day, you just have to ignore their unreasonable demands, they do go back to normal eventually!

If your birthday is going to stress you out, then by all means cancel it. You are an adult and you can please yourself now, you don't have to answer to anyone else. There are some joys to living alone!

Do have a look on the Debt Free Wannabe board if you haven't already done so, also, the Old-Style board is worth a look when you live on a tight budget.

ava_adore

Well, as expected, my sister has now got my mother involved... who has cancelled my birthday celebrations.

Guess it'll just be me and the cat then. I'm done. Absolutely done. All I wanted was a nice quiet family dinner, and I get this.

ava_adore

FBaby wrote: »

Maybe (again, playing devils' advocate), it is the fact you cancelled at the last minute that was the issue. Maybe she was getting a deal on the basis of a certain number of people getting their hair done, so suddenly she has to pay more for hers.

To be honest, I really hate it when people make promises they don't keep because I feel like I'm being let down and much prefer it if they say that they can't from the start because I then having had had the chance to get excited about it.

It all comes down to one thing: You know her well, do you think it is that she has always been a drama queen, or could something has upset her, you just don't know/understand what it is, in which case communication is the only way to move on.

I get what you're saying, I do, and I hate when people are unreliable. I just felt that in the circumstances, she gave me an option and then complained when I took it. And didn't let me know. If she'd said it was a problem, at that point, I could have fixed things. But she told me everything was fine then told a completely different story to my sister.

I feel that my cousin and my sister have always picked on the weakest, which is always me, and I've been the butt of many of their "jokes" and stuff. I feel like my cousin was probably stressed about something else but chose to make me the target of it, because it's what they always do.

sulphate

Hang on, your birthday celebrations were cancelled by your own MOTHER just because you cancelled a hair/make up trial and you bought your own dress?

Something doesn't add up here...