Ex sent to prison and wants his wife to continue with our contact order!

ElizabethMcdubh

duchy wrote: »

No but they certainly aren't putting their kids first .
A parent's first responsibility is keeping their children safe.......hanging out with dealers and having to do them favours is not a sign of a responsible parent.

I know I keep saying this and I'm not defending him but it says in the police report he was *intimidated* I have to emphasise this because if we get back to court that's how I imagine the situation will be viewed, I doubt the judge will discard the facts and call it a favour! although that could well have been the case, I can't imagine anyone bring "forced" to sell drugs but he says it was intimidation..

ElizabethMcdubh

quidsy wrote: »

I personally wouldn't allow it. Your son is 4, he can start seeing them again once dad is out. The dads gf has no rights and as the mother it is your right to decide who has overnight responsibility for your child. Add in a coercion to push drugs, presumably with threats, that alone is reason enough to rethink access. All the blended family stuff is all well and good but when you add that one serious and worrying scenario then the safety of the child has to come first. You could contact the gf and offer to visit once her baby is born.

These are my faults exactly, although a small part of me does wonder what if my son will cry and miss them if contact is stopped..

quidsy

I have a 7 yo son, he had someone in his life from 8 months old who he stopped seeing when he went to school at nearly 5. He saw her 5 days a week, 7hrs a day, she loved him to bits and he her, when she stopped looking after him he didn't mention her at all. Kids are fickle he might mention their name but as long as he is well cared for and getting attention he wont be affected. To a 4 yo, 1 year mights as well be one day. Make sure you keep their pictures and he knows who his dad is and once ex is out, you can all discuss how to move forwards.

ElizabethMcdubh

Person_one wrote: »

So if man A wants his partner to look after his child, that's perfectly fine.

If man B wants his partner to look after his child then he needs permission from the child's mother?

What's the difference?

The difference is I am my sons mother, I have full responsibility and if I feel that he isn't spending time with his father during in their contact then why should this be allowed. At one point my ex wanted our soon every other Thursday night - Sunday meaning his partner looks after him while he works on a Friday, why should she when I'm his mother at home and capable of watching him until he finishes work!!!

Mojisola

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

Iv met her once and that was in court! I don't know her and although she has personally messages me 8 months ago and asked to meet I said maybe one day as I don't feel the need for us to be friends.

I have my life and partner and family with our son and my ex has the same, I don't think I need to meet her and maintain any kind of relationship, why should I, it's not natural to be friends with your ex partners new partner regardless of marriage and children, he is our son so we deal with each other and parent between us, no partners need to be involved!

You don't need to be friends but she is your son's step-mother and will have a life-long relationship with him.

She hasn't asked you to become her best friend; she asked to meet you. Perhaps if you dealt with whatever your problem is, all the adults in your son's life would be able to communicate with each other - not be friends, but get along well enough to discuss issues that arise concerning your son.

ElizabethMcdubh

quidsy wrote: »

I have a 7 yo son, he had someone in his life from 8 months old who he stopped seeing when he went to school at nearly 5. He saw her 5 days a week, 7hrs a day, she loved him to bits and he her, when she stopped looking after him he didn't mention her at all. Kids are fickle he might mention their name but as long as he is well cared for and getting attention he wont be affected. To a 4 yo, 1 year mights as well be one day. Make sure you keep their pictures and he knows who his dad is and once ex is out, you can all discuss how to move forwards.

He probably would mention them and then get over it eventually specially as he has a new life with me my partner and his new step brother his happy and healthy here!

wildincrawley

Mojisola wrote: »

By "her", I meant ElizabethMcdubh.

Your friend and his family have really got it sorted - shows how good it can be when people work at it.

Yup great credit to first both families and then both young men. My point is, I hope Lizzie-M will be able to say the same, in 10 - 15 years time!

ElizabethMcdubh

Mojisola wrote: »

You don't need to be friends but she is your son's step-mother and will have a life-long relationship with him.

She hasn't asked you to become her best friend; she asked to meet you. Perhaps if you dealt with whatever your problem is, all the adults in your son's life would be able to communicate with each other - not be friends, but get along well enough to discuss issues that arise concerning your son.

I doubt it. If my ex doesn't get his way he pulls a strop or tells me his taking me to court, which he did and I'm sure he would again if he didn't get what he wanted

She thinks I don't like her so I don't see the need to meet and go through all that!
There really is no need for either of our partners to meet each other unless a cause for concern arises!

Lieja

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

He probably would mention them and then get over it eventually specially as he has a new life with me my partner and his new step brother his happy and healthy here!

This is the saddest post of the whole thread.

Mojisola

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

I doubt it. If my ex doesn't get his way he pulls a strop or tells me his taking me to court, which he did and I'm sure he would again if he didn't get what he wanted

Doesn't the fact that the court gave him the contact he wanted suggest that you were in the wrong, not him?